Do you believe in love at first sight or do I
have to walk by you
again?
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Jokes number : 41
A guy goes to a girl's house
for the first
time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses
herself
to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's
standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.
He picks
it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says
"What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He
goes, "Geez...oooh....I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to
the kitchen to get an
ashtray."
for the first
time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses
herself
to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's
standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.
He picks
it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says
"What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He
goes, "Geez...oooh....I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to
the kitchen to get an
ashtray."
Jokes number : 40
A man had a nose ring fitted into his nose, a
friend asked, "how much did you pay for that?"
"I paid through the
nose!" he replied
friend asked, "how much did you pay for that?"
"I paid through the
nose!" he replied
Jokes number : 39
A man walks into a palm reader store and asks
the reader,
"Could you read my palm?" He shows his hand to her, and
she says,
"But...I can't read your hand."
"Why?" the man
asks.
"I don't understand your handwriting," the woman replies.
the reader,
"Could you read my palm?" He shows his hand to her, and
she says,
"But...I can't read your hand."
"Why?" the man
asks.
"I don't understand your handwriting," the woman replies.
Jokes number : 38
Martin asked David, "In which
state does the
Ohio River run?" David answered with cool, "In the liquid
state."
state does the
Ohio River run?" David answered with cool, "In the liquid
state."
Jokes number : 37
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun
contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least
one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least
one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Jokes number : 36
The world's most incredibly lazy man found
a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three
wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel.
"They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked.
"I'm tired
of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The
sumo
wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse."
"But the
squirrel?" asked the genie.
"I need something to go 'click-click'
to start the
horse!!!"
a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three
wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel.
"They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked.
"I'm tired
of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The
sumo
wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse."
"But the
squirrel?" asked the genie.
"I need something to go 'click-click'
to start the
horse!!!"
Jokes number : 35
The strong young man at the construction site
was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He
made a
special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After
several
minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you
put your
money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's
wages that I
can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that
outbuilding that you
won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old
man," the braggart
replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man
reached out and grabbed
the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding
to the young man, he
said, "All right. Get in."
was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He
made a
special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After
several
minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you
put your
money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's
wages that I
can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that
outbuilding that you
won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old
man," the braggart
replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man
reached out and grabbed
the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding
to the young man, he
said, "All right. Get in."
Friday, December 30, 2011
Jokes number : 34
Q: Why did the
scientist install a knocker
on his door? A: To win the no-bell
prize.
scientist install a knocker
on his door? A: To win the no-bell
prize.
Jokes number : 33
Q: How many
existentialists does it take to
screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to screw
it in and one to
observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single
incandescent beacon
of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless
absurdity
reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
existentialists does it take to
screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to screw
it in and one to
observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single
incandescent beacon
of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless
absurdity
reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
Jokes number : 30
Q. What did Snow white say when her photos
didn't come back from the photo store?
A. "Some day my prints will
come!"
didn't come back from the photo store?
A. "Some day my prints will
come!"
Jokes number : 29
Q. What's te definition of a bachelor pad? A.
All the house plants are
dead, but there's something growing in the
refrigerator.
All the house plants are
dead, but there's something growing in the
refrigerator.
Jokes number : 28
Q: Why couldn't the animals
on Noah's Ark
play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the
deck!
on Noah's Ark
play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the
deck!
Jokes number : 27
So the bus
driver said to the string, "Are
you a string?" and the string said,
"No, I'm afraid not". (A frayed
knot).
driver said to the string, "Are
you a string?" and the string said,
"No, I'm afraid not". (A frayed
knot).
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Jokes number : 26
Q:
How many Survivors does it take to screw
in a light bulb? A: One to
start screwing it in and the rest to
vote 'em off the ladder.
How many Survivors does it take to screw
in a light bulb? A: One to
start screwing it in and the rest to
vote 'em off the ladder.
Jokes number : 25
Q. What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden
have in common? A. They both look out their caves and see rubble.
have in common? A. They both look out their caves and see rubble.
Jokes number : 21
What's the difference between a sigh, a car and
a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you,
dear.
a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you,
dear.
Jokes number : 20
This morning I felt that today was going to be
my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket,
there
were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the
seven
o'clock race - so I backed the seventh.
Did it win?
No,
it came seventh.
my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket,
there
were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the
seven
o'clock race - so I backed the seventh.
Did it win?
No,
it came seventh.
Jokes number : 19
I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion
like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and
want to
marry you.
I love you too, but what was that you said about
Martin !
like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and
want to
marry you.
I love you too, but what was that you said about
Martin !
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Jokes number : 18
Do you love me?
Of course
Then whisper
something soft and sweet in my ear
Lemon meringue pie !
Of course
Then whisper
something soft and sweet in my ear
Lemon meringue pie !
Jokes number : 17
Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow.
When I
woke up my pillow was gone !
When I
woke up my pillow was gone !
Jokes number : 15
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin
opener ? He had a bee in his suit of armour !
opener ? He had a bee in his suit of armour !
Jokes number : 13
Did you hear about the man in the electric chair
who
asked the executioner to reverse the charges ?
who
asked the executioner to reverse the charges ?
Jokes number : 12
Why did the teacher decide to become an
electrician? To get a bit of
light relief.
electrician? To get a bit of
light relief.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Jokes number : 9
The young Southern belle came to the hospital
for a
check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor.
"Nope,"
she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated."
for a
check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor.
"Nope,"
she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated."
Jokes number : 8
After wedding a young couple rented a town house
in a large complex.
Concerned about a leak in an upstairs bathroom,
young woman called the
manager several times, but nothing happened.
Finally her husband reached the manager and, noting the seriousness
of
the problem, said, " My wife is afraid the bathtub will fall
through
the kitchen."
"Oh, no," the manager quickly replied. "The
bathtub falls through
the living room."
in a large complex.
Concerned about a leak in an upstairs bathroom,
young woman called the
manager several times, but nothing happened.
Finally her husband reached the manager and, noting the seriousness
of
the problem, said, " My wife is afraid the bathtub will fall
through
the kitchen."
"Oh, no," the manager quickly replied. "The
bathtub falls through
the living room."
Jokes number : 6
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down
to
the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was
dipping
the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He
dropped the
bucket and hightailed it for
Gramma's kitchen. "Well
now, where's my bucket and where's my
water?" Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole,
Gramma" exclaimed
Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind
that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for
a few years now,
and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as
scared of you
as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if
he's as
scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to
drink!"
to
the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was
dipping
the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He
dropped the
bucket and hightailed it for
Gramma's kitchen. "Well
now, where's my bucket and where's my
water?" Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole,
Gramma" exclaimed
Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind
that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for
a few years now,
and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as
scared of you
as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if
he's as
scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to
drink!"
Jokes number : 5
There once was a German schoolteacher. She went
to England
to teach. When she arrived at the boardinghouse, she wanted
to use
the bathroom of the Water Closet. She sent a note with a
messenger
boy to the host asking where the WC was, thinking that the house
knew what WC stood for. When the host recieved the letter, he wrote a
response thinking that the WC was the Wayside Chapel. He reponse
read:
The WC is 3 miles away. My wife has been sick for a while, so she
was
not able to go for 3 years. The WC can hold up to 300 people at
one
time. The people complained about the hard wooden seats so
instead soft,
plush seats were made. I have reserved for you the best
seat where
EVERYONE can see you!
to England
to teach. When she arrived at the boardinghouse, she wanted
to use
the bathroom of the Water Closet. She sent a note with a
messenger
boy to the host asking where the WC was, thinking that the house
knew what WC stood for. When the host recieved the letter, he wrote a
response thinking that the WC was the Wayside Chapel. He reponse
read:
The WC is 3 miles away. My wife has been sick for a while, so she
was
not able to go for 3 years. The WC can hold up to 300 people at
one
time. The people complained about the hard wooden seats so
instead soft,
plush seats were made. I have reserved for you the best
seat where
EVERYONE can see you!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Jokes number : 2
Two cannibals just finished a big
meal and
one turns to the other while rubbing his stomach with his fist
and
says, "You
know, I just ate my mother-in-law, and she still doesn't
agree with
me!"
meal and
one turns to the other while rubbing his stomach with his fist
and
says, "You
know, I just ate my mother-in-law, and she still doesn't
agree with
me!"
Jokes number : 1
Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in
love?
A: They got married in the spring.
love?
A: They got married in the spring.
Jokes number : 100
A husband and wife were shopping when the wife
said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we
buy
for her? She would like something electric." The husband replied,
"How
about a chair?!?"
said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we
buy
for her? She would like something electric." The husband replied,
"How
about a chair?!?"
Jokes number : 99
How many bankers does it take to change a light
bulb?
Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the
combination.the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for
that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.
bulb?
Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the
combination.the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for
that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Jokes number : 83
Dawn was
breaking over the camp grounds.
Tony and Steve were lying in their tent.
'That was a terrible thunder
and lightening storm last night,' Tony
announced.
Steve turned
to him and said, 'Why didn't you wake me up? You know I
can't
sleep during a storm!'
breaking over the camp grounds.
Tony and Steve were lying in their tent.
'That was a terrible thunder
and lightening storm last night,' Tony
announced.
Steve turned
to him and said, 'Why didn't you wake me up? You know I
can't
sleep during a storm!'
Jokes number : 82
The
Rocky Mountains are very big and far
apart. It takes a long time for an
echo to bounce back off one of
these mountains.
One night, a camper in the Rockies went to sleep early.
But before
climbing into his sleeping bag he yelled, 'Time to get
up.'
And eight hours later the echo came back and woke him up!
Rocky Mountains are very big and far
apart. It takes a long time for an
echo to bounce back off one of
these mountains.
One night, a camper in the Rockies went to sleep early.
But before
climbing into his sleeping bag he yelled, 'Time to get
up.'
And eight hours later the echo came back and woke him up!
Jokes number : 81
Bob: Did you hear about the camper who was
killed by a garter snake?
Betty: That's impossible. A garter snake is
not poisonous.
Bob: It doesn't have to be if it can make you jump off
a cliff!
killed by a garter snake?
Betty: That's impossible. A garter snake is
not poisonous.
Bob: It doesn't have to be if it can make you jump off
a cliff!
Jokes number : 80
Terry and Debbie were camping with their parents
deep in the woods.
'How far is it to town?' Terry wanted to
know.
'Six miles,' said Debbie.
'That's too far to walk,'
Terry replied.
'It's not too bad,' Debbie said. 'We can each walk
three
miles!'
deep in the woods.
'How far is it to town?' Terry wanted to
know.
'Six miles,' said Debbie.
'That's too far to walk,'
Terry replied.
'It's not too bad,' Debbie said. 'We can each walk
three
miles!'
Jokes number : 79
John was hard at work with
the broom in his
family's tent.
His mother came in and said, 'That's nice. Are you
sweeping out the
tent?'
'No,' John answered. 'I'm sweeping
out the dirt.'
the broom in his
family's tent.
His mother came in and said, 'That's nice. Are you
sweeping out the
tent?'
'No,' John answered. 'I'm sweeping
out the dirt.'
Friday, December 23, 2011
Jokes number : 78
Pierre was a camper from France. In his
honour, Jenny sang a French song in the talent show. But she didn't
sing very well.
'Does that make you homesick?' someone asked
Pierre.
'No,' he answered. 'Just sick sick!'
honour, Jenny sang a French song in the talent show. But she didn't
sing very well.
'Does that make you homesick?' someone asked
Pierre.
'No,' he answered. 'Just sick sick!'
Jokes number : 77
Meg's mother was visiting her daughter at camp.
'How did you find
the steak dinner?' she asked.
'With a
magnifying glass!'
'How did you find
the steak dinner?' she asked.
'With a
magnifying glass!'
Jokes number : 76
Steve wrote home. 'I'm glad you named me
Steve,' he said in the letter.
'Why?' asked his mother in her
reply.
'Because that's what all the kids at camp call me,' he wrote
back.
Steve,' he said in the letter.
'Why?' asked his mother in her
reply.
'Because that's what all the kids at camp call me,' he wrote
back.
Jokes number : 75
Sammy: My parents are sending me to
camp.
Tammy: Why? Do you need a vacation?
Sammy: No. They do!
camp.
Tammy: Why? Do you need a vacation?
Sammy: No. They do!
Jokes number : 74
One day the counsellor got a
phone call. It
was from a camper who had been at camp the summer before.
The old
camper said, 'I thought of camp yesterday.'
'Why?' the counsellor
asked. 'Where were you?'
'At the garbage dump!' the old camper
answered.
phone call. It
was from a camper who had been at camp the summer before.
The old
camper said, 'I thought of camp yesterday.'
'Why?' the counsellor
asked. 'Where were you?'
'At the garbage dump!' the old camper
answered.
Jokes number : 73
On the last day of camp everyone was asked the
same question:
'What is the best part of the camp?'
One wise
guy answered, 'Going home!'
same question:
'What is the best part of the camp?'
One wise
guy answered, 'Going home!'
Jokes number : 72
New camper: I
thought you said this camp has
no mosquitoes.
Old camper: That's right. These mosquitoes come from
the camp down the
road!
thought you said this camp has
no mosquitoes.
Old camper: That's right. These mosquitoes come from
the camp down the
road!
Jokes number : 71
At the
end of camp, Julie won the prize for
neatest trunk. Her mother was
amazed.
'How did your trunk get
so neat?' she asked her messy daughter.
'It was easy,' said Julie.
'I just never unpacked!'
end of camp, Julie won the prize for
neatest trunk. Her mother was
amazed.
'How did your trunk get
so neat?' she asked her messy daughter.
'It was easy,' said Julie.
'I just never unpacked!'
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Jokes number : 70
The head Counselor gathered all the campers
together. To get their attention, the Counselor called out, 'Order!
Order!'
In a flash someone shouted out, 'Hamburger, coke and
fries!'
together. To get their attention, the Counselor called out, 'Order!
Order!'
In a flash someone shouted out, 'Hamburger, coke and
fries!'
Jokes number : 69
The Counselor
was talking to the campers
about safety.
She said 'Don't climb any trees. If you fall down and
break a leg,
don't come running to me!'
was talking to the campers
about safety.
She said 'Don't climb any trees. If you fall down and
break a leg,
don't come running to me!'
Jokes number : 68
The Counselor was greeting the new
campers.
'So you decided to come to camp,' she said to one.
'Nope,' the
camper answered. 'I was sent to camp!'
campers.
'So you decided to come to camp,' she said to one.
'Nope,' the
camper answered. 'I was sent to camp!'
Jokes number : 67
Camper: There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: That's what we said in the camp ads. Running water in every
cabin!
bunk!
Counselor: That's what we said in the camp ads. Running water in every
cabin!
Jokes number : 66
Camper:
There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: Shh! Don't make such a fuss. Soon everyone will want
one.
There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: Shh! Don't make such a fuss. Soon everyone will want
one.
Jokes number : 65
Camper: There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: Don't complain. It only leaks when it rains.
bunk!
Counselor: Don't complain. It only leaks when it rains.
Jokes number : 64
A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone. 'Why
don't you play with your friends?' he asked.
'Because I only
have one friend,' the girl replied. 'And I hate
her.'
don't you play with your friends?' he asked.
'Because I only
have one friend,' the girl replied. 'And I hate
her.'
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Jokes number : 61
What happened when the monster kissed his one
true love?
He left lip prints on the mirror!
true love?
He left lip prints on the mirror!
Jokes number : 59
Why did the kangaroo love the little
Australian bear?
Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!
Australian bear?
Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!
Jokes number : 55
"Do you love me more than you love sleep?"
"I
can't answer now. It's time for my nap!"
"I
can't answer now. It's time for my nap!"
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Jokes number : 51
Sharon: I'm so homesick.
Sheila: But this is
your home!
Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.
Sheila: But this is
your home!
Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.
Jokes number : 50
My brother's looking for a girlfriend. Trouble
is, he can't find a girl who loves him as much as he loves
himself.
is, he can't find a girl who loves him as much as he loves
himself.
Jokes number : 48
How did the octopus lovers walk down the
road?
Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm.
road?
Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Jokes number : 45
Freda: Boys whisper they love me.
Fred: Well,
they wouldn't admit it out loud, would they?
Fred: Well,
they wouldn't admit it out loud, would they?
Jokes number : 43
The garbage men were just about to leave the
street when a girl came running out of the house carrying some
cardboard
boxes.
'Am I too late for the garbage ?' she
called.
'No,' replied one of the men, 'jump right in !'
street when a girl came running out of the house carrying some
cardboard
boxes.
'Am I too late for the garbage ?' she
called.
'No,' replied one of the men, 'jump right in !'
Jokes number : 42
Harry was telling his friend about his holiday
in Switzerland. His friend
had never been to Switzerland and asked,
'what did you think of the
scenery ?'
'Oh, I couldn't see
much,' Harry admitted. 'There were all these
mountains in the
way.'
in Switzerland. His friend
had never been to Switzerland and asked,
'what did you think of the
scenery ?'
'Oh, I couldn't see
much,' Harry admitted. 'There were all these
mountains in the
way.'
Jokes number : 41
A monastery in the English countryside was
having a hard time with its
cash flow because of the dwindling number of
monks available to help
with all the work. Then one day two of the
monks, who had been discussing
the problem, suggested they open a
fish and chips stand down on the
highway, right next to a scenic
vista area popular with tourists. The
other monks agreed, and the two
put up the stand. One day a tourist who
wanted to offer a
compliment asked the monk on duty, "Are you the fish
friar?" "No, sir,"
retorted the brother, "I'm the chip
monk."
having a hard time with its
cash flow because of the dwindling number of
monks available to help
with all the work. Then one day two of the
monks, who had been discussing
the problem, suggested they open a
fish and chips stand down on the
highway, right next to a scenic
vista area popular with tourists. The
other monks agreed, and the two
put up the stand. One day a tourist who
wanted to offer a
compliment asked the monk on duty, "Are you the fish
friar?" "No, sir,"
retorted the brother, "I'm the chip
monk."
Jokes number : 40
An engineer, an experimental physicist, a
theoretical physicist, and a philosopher were hiking through the hills of
Scotland. Cresting the top of one hill, they see, on top of the
next, a
black sheep. The engineer says: "What do you know, the sheep
in Scotland
are black." "Well, *some* of the sheep in Scotland are
black,"
replies the experimental physicist. The heoretical physicist
considers this
for a moment and says "Well, at least one of the
sheep in Scotland is
black." "Well," the philosopher responds, "on one
side,
anyway."
theoretical physicist, and a philosopher were hiking through the hills of
Scotland. Cresting the top of one hill, they see, on top of the
next, a
black sheep. The engineer says: "What do you know, the sheep
in Scotland
are black." "Well, *some* of the sheep in Scotland are
black,"
replies the experimental physicist. The heoretical physicist
considers this
for a moment and says "Well, at least one of the
sheep in Scotland is
black." "Well," the philosopher responds, "on one
side,
anyway."
Jokes number : 39
Standing at the edge of the lake, a
man saw
a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the
man
screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife
is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a
hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful
strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to
shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said,
"Okay,
where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw
her going
down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But
this is my
mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and
said, "Just my
luck. How much do I owe you?"
man saw
a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the
man
screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife
is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a
hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful
strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to
shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said,
"Okay,
where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw
her going
down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But
this is my
mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and
said, "Just my
luck. How much do I owe you?"
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Jokes number : 36
At a
country-club party a young man was
introduced to an attractive girl. He
immediately began paying her court
and flattering her. The girl liked the young
man, but she was taken
a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was
amazed when,
after 30 minutes, he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she reacted.
"We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure?
We know
nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man
replied. "For
the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your
father
has his account."
country-club party a young man was
introduced to an attractive girl. He
immediately began paying her court
and flattering her. The girl liked the young
man, but she was taken
a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was
amazed when,
after 30 minutes, he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she reacted.
"We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure?
We know
nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man
replied. "For
the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your
father
has his account."
Jokes number : 35
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove
his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for
an
immediate loan of $6,000. The loan officer was quite taken a
back, and
requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my
Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car
driven into the
bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave
him 6,000. Two
weeks later, the man walked through the bank's
doors, and asked to settle
up his loan and get his car back. The loan
officer checked the records
and told him, "That will be $6,000 in
principal, and $18.40 in
interest." The man wrote out a check,
thanked the loan officer, and started
to walk away. "Wait sir," the loan
officer said, "while you were
gone, I found out you are a
millionaire. Why in the world would you need to
borrow? The man smiled.
"Where else could I securely park my
Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for t
wo weeks and pay only $18.40?"
his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for
an
immediate loan of $6,000. The loan officer was quite taken a
back, and
requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my
Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car
driven into the
bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave
him 6,000. Two
weeks later, the man walked through the bank's
doors, and asked to settle
up his loan and get his car back. The loan
officer checked the records
and told him, "That will be $6,000 in
principal, and $18.40 in
interest." The man wrote out a check,
thanked the loan officer, and started
to walk away. "Wait sir," the loan
officer said, "while you were
gone, I found out you are a
millionaire. Why in the world would you need to
borrow? The man smiled.
"Where else could I securely park my
Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for t
wo weeks and pay only $18.40?"
Jokes number : 34
A young banker decided to get his first tailor
made
suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured
for a
suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put
on the suit
and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can
do business. As
he was preening himself in front of the mirror he
reached down to put
his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he
noticed that there were
no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor
who asked him, "Didn't
you tell me you were a banker?" The young
man answered, "Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard
of a banker with his hands in
his own pockets?"
made
suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured
for a
suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put
on the suit
and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can
do business. As
he was preening himself in front of the mirror he
reached down to put
his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he
noticed that there were
no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor
who asked him, "Didn't
you tell me you were a banker?" The young
man answered, "Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard
of a banker with his hands in
his own pockets?"
Jokes number : 33
A woman walks into a bank
in New York City
and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to
Europe on
business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.
The bank officer
says the bank will need some kind of security for such
a loan, so the
woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked
on the
street, in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank
agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan.
An
employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and
parks
it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5000.
and the interest
which is $15.41.
The loan officer says,
"We are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction
has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you
were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us , is why would you bother to borrow
$5000
?"
The woman replied, "Where else in New York, can I park my
car for 2
weeks for $15.00?"
in New York City
and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to
Europe on
business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.
The bank officer
says the bank will need some kind of security for such
a loan, so the
woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked
on the
street, in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank
agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan.
An
employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and
parks
it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5000.
and the interest
which is $15.41.
The loan officer says,
"We are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction
has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you
were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us , is why would you bother to borrow
$5000
?"
The woman replied, "Where else in New York, can I park my
car for 2
weeks for $15.00?"
Jokes number : 32
A young family moved into a
house next door
to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up
to start
building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 6 year old
daughter naturally took an interest in
all the activity going on next
door and started talking with the
workers. She hung around and
eventually the construction crew - gems in the
rough, all of them - more
or less adopted her as a kind of project
mascot. They chatted with
her, let her sit with them while they had coffee
and lunch
breaks,and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make
her feel
important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with
a pay
envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home
to her mother who
said all the appropriate words of admiration and
suggested that they
take the dollar pay she had received to the
bank the next day to start a
savings account.
When they
got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the
story
and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check
at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I've
been working with a crew
building a house all week". "My goodness
gracious", said the teller,
"and will you be working on the house
again this week too"?
"I will if those useless morons at the lumber
yard ever bring us the
f****** bricks", replied the little girl.
house next door
to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up
to start
building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 6 year old
daughter naturally took an interest in
all the activity going on next
door and started talking with the
workers. She hung around and
eventually the construction crew - gems in the
rough, all of them - more
or less adopted her as a kind of project
mascot. They chatted with
her, let her sit with them while they had coffee
and lunch
breaks,and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make
her feel
important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with
a pay
envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home
to her mother who
said all the appropriate words of admiration and
suggested that they
take the dollar pay she had received to the
bank the next day to start a
savings account.
When they
got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the
story
and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check
at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I've
been working with a crew
building a house all week". "My goodness
gracious", said the teller,
"and will you be working on the house
again this week too"?
"I will if those useless morons at the lumber
yard ever bring us the
f****** bricks", replied the little girl.
Jokes number : 31
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the
recently
married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped
into the house
to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the
door.
"What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked.
"I am
waiting for my husband to come home from work." the
daughter-in-law
replied.
"Why are you naked?" asked the mother-in-law. "This is my
love
dress." the daughter-in-law replied.
"LOVE DRESS! You
are naked." said the mother-in-law
"But my husband loves it
when I wear this dress. It makes him happy
and he makes me happy."
said the daughter-in-law.
"I would appreciate it if you left now
because my husband will be home
any minute." The daughter-in-law
continued.
Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law
left. On the
way home she thought about the "LOVE DRESS" and got an
idea.
She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume
and waited by the
door for her husband to come home.
Finally the pickup truck drove up the drive way and she took her place
by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and immediately saw his
wife naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" the mother-in-law replied.
"Maybe
you should iron it." he replied.
recently
married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped
into the house
to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the
door.
"What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked.
"I am
waiting for my husband to come home from work." the
daughter-in-law
replied.
"Why are you naked?" asked the mother-in-law. "This is my
love
dress." the daughter-in-law replied.
"LOVE DRESS! You
are naked." said the mother-in-law
"But my husband loves it
when I wear this dress. It makes him happy
and he makes me happy."
said the daughter-in-law.
"I would appreciate it if you left now
because my husband will be home
any minute." The daughter-in-law
continued.
Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law
left. On the
way home she thought about the "LOVE DRESS" and got an
idea.
She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume
and waited by the
door for her husband to come home.
Finally the pickup truck drove up the drive way and she took her place
by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and immediately saw his
wife naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" the mother-in-law replied.
"Maybe
you should iron it." he replied.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Jokes number : 29
Seems a guy was driving for hours
thu
desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could
react, a
cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat.
Out
of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove
back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came
to the door, said he, "Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat
in
front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I
know this
might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead
of just
driving off...."
"Not so fast", says she. "How do
you know it was our cat? Could
youdescribe him? What does he look
like?"
The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He
looks like
thts"as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
"Oh no, you *horrible* man", she replied. "I meant, what did he
look
like*before* you hit him?"
At that, the man got
up, covered his eyes with both hands and
screamed"Agggghhhhhhhhhh
!!!!!!"
thu
desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could
react, a
cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat.
Out
of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove
back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came
to the door, said he, "Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat
in
front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I
know this
might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead
of just
driving off...."
"Not so fast", says she. "How do
you know it was our cat? Could
youdescribe him? What does he look
like?"
The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He
looks like
thts"as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
"Oh no, you *horrible* man", she replied. "I meant, what did he
look
like*before* you hit him?"
At that, the man got
up, covered his eyes with both hands and
screamed"Agggghhhhhhhhhh
!!!!!!"
Jokes number : 28
Coleman
moved to Wyoming and was sitting in
the unemployment office applying for a
job. "Have you any
experience in coal mining?" asked the clerk.
"Yeah, in Pennsylvania," he
replied. "They're using that new safety lamp
down there now, aren't
they?" "Ah don't know, mister," said
Coleman. "I worked on the day
shift."
moved to Wyoming and was sitting in
the unemployment office applying for a
job. "Have you any
experience in coal mining?" asked the clerk.
"Yeah, in Pennsylvania," he
replied. "They're using that new safety lamp
down there now, aren't
they?" "Ah don't know, mister," said
Coleman. "I worked on the day
shift."
Jokes number : 27
Q: How many circus performers does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
A: Four: One for the money, two for the show,
three to get ready, and
four to go!
A: Four. One to change the
bulb and three to sing, Ta da!
change a lightbulb ?
A: Four: One for the money, two for the show,
three to get ready, and
four to go!
A: Four. One to change the
bulb and three to sing, Ta da!
Jokes number : 26
Q: How many Mafia
hitmen does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and
one to shoot the
witness.
hitmen does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and
one to shoot the
witness.
Jokes number : 25
Clown: Why are you wearing such a large
shirt?
Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.
shirt?
Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.
Jokes number : 24
It was so hot when we went on holiday last
year that we had to take turns sitting in each other's shadow.
year that we had to take turns sitting in each other's shadow.
Jokes number : 23
Did you hear about the man who jumped in the
Hudson River?
He committed sewercide.
Hudson River?
He committed sewercide.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Jokes number : 21
Dad, did you manage to
fix my toy? No, it's
not broken, the battery's flat. Well, what shape
should it be?
fix my toy? No, it's
not broken, the battery's flat. Well, what shape
should it be?
Jokes number : 20
A man went in to the bank and asked to see the
man who arranged the loans.
'I'm sorry, sir,' said a
cashier, 'the loan arranger is out to
lunch.'
'Can I speak
to Tonto, then?' asked the man.
man who arranged the loans.
'I'm sorry, sir,' said a
cashier, 'the loan arranger is out to
lunch.'
'Can I speak
to Tonto, then?' asked the man.
Jokes number : 19
What's the
best way to increase the size of
your bank balance? Look at it through a
magnifying glass.
best way to increase the size of
your bank balance? Look at it through a
magnifying glass.
Jokes number : 18
Bank manager: I'm sorry, sir, you can't open
an account with this
sort of money. They're wooden pieces!
Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account.
an account with this
sort of money. They're wooden pieces!
Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account.
Jokes number : 17
When Fred was applying for
a credit card,
the manager of the credit card company asked him if he
had much money
in the bank. "I have," said Fred.
"How much?" asked the manager.
"I don't know exactly," said Fred, "I haven't shaken it
lately."
a credit card,
the manager of the credit card company asked him if he
had much money
in the bank. "I have," said Fred.
"How much?" asked the manager.
"I don't know exactly," said Fred, "I haven't shaken it
lately."
Jokes number : 16
At the scene of a bank raid
the police
officer came running up to his inspector and said, "He got
away, sir!"
The inspector was furious. "But I told you to put a man on all the
exits!" he roared. "How could he have got away?"
"He left by one
of the entrances, sir!"
the police
officer came running up to his inspector and said, "He got
away, sir!"
The inspector was furious. "But I told you to put a man on all the
exits!" he roared. "How could he have got away?"
"He left by one
of the entrances, sir!"
Jokes number : 15
A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last
night and stole a thousand pints of blood.
Police are still
hunting for the clots.
night and stole a thousand pints of blood.
Police are still
hunting for the clots.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Jokes number : 14
A magician was employed by a
Shipping Line
to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain
owned a
parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by
the
magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, "He
does it with a mirror" or "He's got it up his sleeve." The magician
was furious, but since the bird was a favorite with the captain and he
was anxious to retain his position for future cruises, he
maintained an
angry silence.
One evening as the magician worked, the
parrot continued to harass the
unfortunate man. Sadly the ship ran into
a mine which had become
detached from the sea floor after a storm.
The explosion tore the bow off the
ship which sank within a few
minutes. Amid the wreckage and the
lifeboats, the magician sat on one
end of a table from the first class dining
room. At the other end
sat the parrot, dirty and disheveled, his
feathers caked with f
uel oil. For some time they eyed each other malevolently
saying
nothing. Finally the parrot shook himself and advanced across
the
table. He fixed the magician with a beady eye. "Okay, I give up,"
he
squawked. "What did you do with the ship?"
Shipping Line
to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain
owned a
parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by
the
magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, "He
does it with a mirror" or "He's got it up his sleeve." The magician
was furious, but since the bird was a favorite with the captain and he
was anxious to retain his position for future cruises, he
maintained an
angry silence.
One evening as the magician worked, the
parrot continued to harass the
unfortunate man. Sadly the ship ran into
a mine which had become
detached from the sea floor after a storm.
The explosion tore the bow off the
ship which sank within a few
minutes. Amid the wreckage and the
lifeboats, the magician sat on one
end of a table from the first class dining
room. At the other end
sat the parrot, dirty and disheveled, his
feathers caked with f
uel oil. For some time they eyed each other malevolently
saying
nothing. Finally the parrot shook himself and advanced across
the
table. He fixed the magician with a beady eye. "Okay, I give up,"
he
squawked. "What did you do with the ship?"
Jokes number : 13
What happened to the wizard who ran away with
the circus?
The police made him bring it back again.
the circus?
The police made him bring it back again.
Jokes number : 12
Did you hear
about the ghoul's favorite
hotel? It had running rot and mould in every
room.
about the ghoul's favorite
hotel? It had running rot and mould in every
room.
Jokes number : 11
After a visit to the circus, Geoff and Don were
discussing the thrills and marvels they had seen. "I didn't think
much of
the knife thrower, did you?" said Geoff. "I thought he was
great!"
enthused Don. "Well, I didn't," said Geoff. "He kept
throwing those
knives at that soppy girl but he didn't hit her
once."
discussing the thrills and marvels they had seen. "I didn't think
much of
the knife thrower, did you?" said Geoff. "I thought he was
great!"
enthused Don. "Well, I didn't," said Geoff. "He kept
throwing those
knives at that soppy girl but he didn't hit her
once."
Jokes number : 9
My mother-in-law has got
so many double
chins it looks like she is peering over a pile of
pancakes.
so many double
chins it looks like she is peering over a pile of
pancakes.
Jokes number : 8
Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your
grandma's
bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.
grandma's
bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Jokes number : 6
Why did the janitor take early retirement?
Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.
Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.
Jokes number : 3
Did you hear
about the fire in the rednecks
library? Both the books got burned, and one
hadn't even been
coloured in yet.
about the fire in the rednecks
library? Both the books got burned, and one
hadn't even been
coloured in yet.
Jokes number : 2
What is the difference
between a English
actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
An English actuary can tell you how
many people are going to die next
year. A Sicilian actuary can give
you their names...
between a English
actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
An English actuary can tell you how
many people are going to die next
year. A Sicilian actuary can give
you their names...
Jokes number : 1
The young wife was in tears when she opened
the door for her
husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your
mother insulted
me."
"My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a
hundred miles away."
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning
and I opened it."
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the
insult come in?"
"In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear
Alice, don't
forget to give this letter to George.'"
the door for her
husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your
mother insulted
me."
"My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a
hundred miles away."
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning
and I opened it."
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the
insult come in?"
"In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear
Alice, don't
forget to give this letter to George.'"
Jokes number : 100
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother
he's fallen in love
and going to get married. He says, "Just for
fun, Ma, I'm going
to bring over three women and you try and guess
which one I'm
going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day,
he brings three beautiful women
into the house and sits them down on
the couch and they chat for
a while.
He then says,"Okay, Ma.
Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The
red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did
you know?"
"I don't like her."
he's fallen in love
and going to get married. He says, "Just for
fun, Ma, I'm going
to bring over three women and you try and guess
which one I'm
going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day,
he brings three beautiful women
into the house and sits them down on
the couch and they chat for
a while.
He then says,"Okay, Ma.
Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The
red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did
you know?"
"I don't like her."
Jokes number : 99
A woman reported
the disappearance of her
husband to the police. The
officer looked at the guy's photograph,
questioned her, and then asked
if
she wanted to give her husband
any message if they found him.
"Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him
Mother didn't come after
all."
the disappearance of her
husband to the police. The
officer looked at the guy's photograph,
questioned her, and then asked
if
she wanted to give her husband
any message if they found him.
"Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him
Mother didn't come after
all."
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Jokes number : 98
Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies
today. Would you like to
take
your pick?
Son-in-law: No thanks.
I'll just use the hammer.
today. Would you like to
take
your pick?
Son-in-law: No thanks.
I'll just use the hammer.
Jokes number : 97
One day a wife complained, "This wall clock
almost
killed my mother today.
It fell only seconds after she got up
from the couch."
The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock
always was
slow."
almost
killed my mother today.
It fell only seconds after she got up
from the couch."
The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock
always was
slow."
Jokes number : 96
I used to not get on with my
mother-in-law,
but over the last few months
I've developed quite an attachment
for her.
It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin
to keep her
mouth shut!
mother-in-law,
but over the last few months
I've developed quite an attachment
for her.
It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin
to keep her
mouth shut!
Jokes number : 95
Q. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with
newspaper?
A. Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.
newspaper?
A. Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.
Jokes number : 94
My
mother-in-law was bitten by a dog
yesterday.
How is she now ?
She's fine. But, the dog died.
mother-in-law was bitten by a dog
yesterday.
How is she now ?
She's fine. But, the dog died.
Jokes number : 93
My mother-in-law is like a fine French
Impressionist painting.
She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a
distance.
Impressionist painting.
She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a
distance.
Jokes number : 92
Steve,
Bob and Jeff are all working on some
very high scaffolding. Suddenly,
Steve falls off and is killed
instantly. After the ambulance leaves with
Steve's body, Bob and Jeff
realise they'll have to inform his wife.
Bob says he's good with
this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers
to do it. After two
hours, he returns carrying a six-pack of beer.
"So, did you tell
her?" Asks Jeff. "Yep." Replies Bob. "Hey, where did
you get the
six-pack?" "She gave it to me." "What?!" Exclaims
Jeff. "You just told
her that her husband died, and she gave you a
six-pack?!" "Sure.
When she answered the door, I asked her whether she was
Steve's
widow. 'Widow?' She said. 'No, no..I'm not a widow. You
must be
mistaken.' So I said, 'I'll bet you a six-pack you
are!'"
Bob and Jeff are all working on some
very high scaffolding. Suddenly,
Steve falls off and is killed
instantly. After the ambulance leaves with
Steve's body, Bob and Jeff
realise they'll have to inform his wife.
Bob says he's good with
this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers
to do it. After two
hours, he returns carrying a six-pack of beer.
"So, did you tell
her?" Asks Jeff. "Yep." Replies Bob. "Hey, where did
you get the
six-pack?" "She gave it to me." "What?!" Exclaims
Jeff. "You just told
her that her husband died, and she gave you a
six-pack?!" "Sure.
When she answered the door, I asked her whether she was
Steve's
widow. 'Widow?' She said. 'No, no..I'm not a widow. You
must be
mistaken.' So I said, 'I'll bet you a six-pack you
are!'"
Jokes number : 91
There was an engineer who had an
exceptional
gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company
loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years
later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible
problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar
machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the
machine
fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The
engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying
the huge machine. At the end of the day, he
marked a small "x" in
chalk on a particular component of the machine and
proudly stated,
"This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the
machine worked perfectly again. The
company received a bill for
$50,000 from the engineer for his service. They
demanded an itemize
d accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded with the
following account:
Chalk: $1
Knowing where to put it:
$49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
peace.
exceptional
gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company
loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years
later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible
problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar
machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the
machine
fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The
engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying
the huge machine. At the end of the day, he
marked a small "x" in
chalk on a particular component of the machine and
proudly stated,
"This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the
machine worked perfectly again. The
company received a bill for
$50,000 from the engineer for his service. They
demanded an itemize
d accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded with the
following account:
Chalk: $1
Knowing where to put it:
$49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
peace.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Jokes number : 90
A girl walked over to her neighbor's for her
morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how
tired
she looked.
"Yeah" she said, "I didn't sleep well
last night, I had this really
strange dream."
"Do tell" said
her neighbor, pouring the coffee.
"Well, I dreamed I woke up and
went downstairs as usual, but when I
looked in the mirror my face
had turned orange, and my hair was sticking
straight up out of my
head and was green!"
"Sounds like you turned into a punk rocker
or something" the neighbor
said, with a grin.
"No" she said,
"It wasn't like that. It was as if I knew something
was wrong, but
it seemed normal somehow, you know what I mean?"
"Sure" said
the neighbor, "Everybody's had dreams like that."
"Well anyway"
she continued, "I decided to go down and get the mail,
because even
in my dream, I figured I must be dreaming, so what the
heck
if I was orange, you know? So I walk down and get my mail, and I keep
feeling everybody looking at me!
"Then I get a good look at
myself in the big window in front of the
store, and I'll be darned
if I wasn't a carrot! It was such a shock I
stumbled backwards and
got hit by a truck driven by that nice doctor
down the street. The
last thing I remember before I woke up was him
bending over me,
telling me his diagnosis."
"Wow" laughed the neighbor, "Did you
live?"
"Yeah, I lived" sighed the girl, "But the doctor said I'd
be a
vegetable the rest of my life."
morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how
tired
she looked.
"Yeah" she said, "I didn't sleep well
last night, I had this really
strange dream."
"Do tell" said
her neighbor, pouring the coffee.
"Well, I dreamed I woke up and
went downstairs as usual, but when I
looked in the mirror my face
had turned orange, and my hair was sticking
straight up out of my
head and was green!"
"Sounds like you turned into a punk rocker
or something" the neighbor
said, with a grin.
"No" she said,
"It wasn't like that. It was as if I knew something
was wrong, but
it seemed normal somehow, you know what I mean?"
"Sure" said
the neighbor, "Everybody's had dreams like that."
"Well anyway"
she continued, "I decided to go down and get the mail,
because even
in my dream, I figured I must be dreaming, so what the
heck
if I was orange, you know? So I walk down and get my mail, and I keep
feeling everybody looking at me!
"Then I get a good look at
myself in the big window in front of the
store, and I'll be darned
if I wasn't a carrot! It was such a shock I
stumbled backwards and
got hit by a truck driven by that nice doctor
down the street. The
last thing I remember before I woke up was him
bending over me,
telling me his diagnosis."
"Wow" laughed the neighbor, "Did you
live?"
"Yeah, I lived" sighed the girl, "But the doctor said I'd
be a
vegetable the rest of my life."
Jokes number : 89
Three friends were stranded on a desert
island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were
beginning to lose heart.
Suddenly, a bottle floated into the
shore and a beautiful genie popped
out. She said "I have three
wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can
make one wish come true."
Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was in Las Vegas
with
dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by
music, food,
and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish
granted.
Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home
right now
with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our
log cabin in
the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing
Christmas carols
together." Just like that, he disappeared.
The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?"
He
answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me
dec
ide..."
island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were
beginning to lose heart.
Suddenly, a bottle floated into the
shore and a beautiful genie popped
out. She said "I have three
wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can
make one wish come true."
Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was in Las Vegas
with
dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by
music, food,
and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish
granted.
Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home
right now
with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our
log cabin in
the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing
Christmas carols
together." Just like that, he disappeared.
The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?"
He
answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me
dec
ide..."
Jokes number : 88
Once there was a millionaire
who had a
collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the
back of his
mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who
was
single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party
he
announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here.
I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim
across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon
as
he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash.
The
guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he
can. They
cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming
man makes it
to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so
impressed, e says,
"My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't
think it could be
done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain.
Which do you want, my
daughter or the one million dollars?" The
man says, "Listen, I don't want
your money. I don't want your
daughter, either. I want the person who
pushed me in that water!"
who had a
collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the
back of his
mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who
was
single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party
he
announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here.
I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim
across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon
as
he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash.
The
guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he
can. They
cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming
man makes it
to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so
impressed, e says,
"My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't
think it could be
done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain.
Which do you want, my
daughter or the one million dollars?" The
man says, "Listen, I don't want
your money. I don't want your
daughter, either. I want the person who
pushed me in that water!"
Jokes number : 87
A
young man was strolling down a street. As
he passed a large building with
a fence around it, he heard a group
of people chanting "Thirteen,
thirteen, thirteen" over and over
again.
Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then
he spotted
a hole in the wood.
He put his eye to the hole.
He just managed to spy some old people
sitting in deckchairs
chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and
poked him in the eye. As
he staggered back, the old people started
chanting, "Fourteen,
fourteen, fourteen..."
young man was strolling down a street. As
he passed a large building with
a fence around it, he heard a group
of people chanting "Thirteen,
thirteen, thirteen" over and over
again.
Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then
he spotted
a hole in the wood.
He put his eye to the hole.
He just managed to spy some old people
sitting in deckchairs
chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and
poked him in the eye. As
he staggered back, the old people started
chanting, "Fourteen,
fourteen, fourteen..."
Jokes number : 86
A wife and her
husband were having a dinner
party for all the major status figures in Rome,
Italy.
The
wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be
perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any
snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to
the
beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails.
Very
grudgingly he agreed.
He took the bucket, walked out
the door, down the steps, and out to the
beach. As he was collecting
the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman
walking alongside the
water just a little further down the beach. He kept
thinking to himself
"Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come
down and talk to
me." He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he
looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing
right over him. They
got to talking, and she invited him back to her place.
nThey were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started
messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted
afterwards
and passed out there.
At seven o'clock the next
morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!
My wife's dinner party!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on really quickly, grabbed
his
bucket, and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all
the way to his apartment. He ran up the
stairs of his apartment. He
was in such a hurry that when he got to the top
of the stairs, he
dropped the bucket of snails.
There were snails all down the
stairs. The door opened just then, with
a very angry wife standing in
the door way wondering where he's been
all this time.
He
looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back
at the snails and said - "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
husband were having a dinner
party for all the major status figures in Rome,
Italy.
The
wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be
perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any
snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to
the
beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails.
Very
grudgingly he agreed.
He took the bucket, walked out
the door, down the steps, and out to the
beach. As he was collecting
the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman
walking alongside the
water just a little further down the beach. He kept
thinking to himself
"Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come
down and talk to
me." He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he
looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing
right over him. They
got to talking, and she invited him back to her place.
nThey were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started
messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted
afterwards
and passed out there.
At seven o'clock the next
morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!
My wife's dinner party!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on really quickly, grabbed
his
bucket, and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all
the way to his apartment. He ran up the
stairs of his apartment. He
was in such a hurry that when he got to the top
of the stairs, he
dropped the bucket of snails.
There were snails all down the
stairs. The door opened just then, with
a very angry wife standing in
the door way wondering where he's been
all this time.
He
looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back
at the snails and said - "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
Jokes number : 85
Bill and Steve are enjoying a beer and
discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times,"
Bill says.
"Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?"
"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing
to do with me," Bill says.
"Wasn't that love?" Steve asks.
"No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I
cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand
me."
"Wasn't that love?" asks Steve.
"No, that was
lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a
woman while I was on a
cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great
conversationalist
and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her
on that
ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my
stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve.
"No. That was
motion sickness!" Bill replies.
discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times,"
Bill says.
"Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?"
"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing
to do with me," Bill says.
"Wasn't that love?" Steve asks.
"No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I
cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand
me."
"Wasn't that love?" asks Steve.
"No, that was
lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a
woman while I was on a
cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great
conversationalist
and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her
on that
ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my
stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve.
"No. That was
motion sickness!" Bill replies.
Jokes number : 84
How many applicants does it take to change
a
light bulb? Only one, but 200 applied for the job.
a
light bulb? Only one, but 200 applied for the job.
Jokes number : 83
How many tax advisors does it take to change a
light bulb?
"In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in
Hawaii, dealing
exactly with this issue."
light bulb?
"In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in
Hawaii, dealing
exactly with this issue."
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Jokes number : 82
How many tax auditors
does it take to find a
$1.00 mistake in an expense report?
Three. One to find the mistake
and two to discuss the significance of
it.
does it take to find a
$1.00 mistake in an expense report?
Three. One to find the mistake
and two to discuss the significance of
it.
Jokes number : 81
How many social
scientists does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Social scientists do not change light
bulbs; they search for the
root cause as to why the last one went
out.
scientists does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Social scientists do not change light
bulbs; they search for the
root cause as to why the last one went
out.
Jokes number : 80
How many librarians does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
"I don't know, but I can look it up for you."
light bulb?
"I don't know, but I can look it up for you."
Jokes number : 76
Why was the horseman fired from his job of
saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Jokes number : 74
How
many civil servants does it take to
change a light bulb? Twelve. One to
change the bulb, and eleven to do
the paperwork.
many civil servants does it take to
change a light bulb? Twelve. One to
change the bulb, and eleven to do
the paperwork.
Jokes number : 73
How many cashiers does it take
to change a
light bulb?
"Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar
bill."
to change a
light bulb?
"Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar
bill."
Jokes number : 72
How many brewers does it take to
change a
light bulb?
Third as many as for a regular bulb.
change a
light bulb?
Third as many as for a regular bulb.
Jokes number : 71
How many architects does it take to change a
light bulb?
Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals
who are
doing this quiet complicated task.
light bulb?
Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals
who are
doing this quiet complicated task.
Jokes number : 70
How many archaeologists does it take to change a
light bulb?
Three. One to change it while the other two argue
about how old the old
one is.
light bulb?
Three. One to change it while the other two argue
about how old the old
one is.
Jokes number : 69
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert
in Israel and
came upon a casket containing a mummy. After
examining it, he called
the curator of a prestigious natural-history
museum. "I've just
discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died
of heart failure!" the
excited scientist exclaimed.
To which
the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A
week
later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were
right
about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you
know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said,
'10,000
Shekels on Goliath'."
in Israel and
came upon a casket containing a mummy. After
examining it, he called
the curator of a prestigious natural-history
museum. "I've just
discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died
of heart failure!" the
excited scientist exclaimed.
To which
the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A
week
later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were
right
about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you
know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said,
'10,000
Shekels on Goliath'."
Jokes number : 68
Abraham wanted a
new suit, so he bought a
nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a
tailor. The first
tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured
Abraham, then told
him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.
Abraham was unhappy
with this opinion and sought another tailor. This
tailor measured
Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and
said, "There
is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a
vest,
please come back in a week to take your suit."
After a week Abraham
came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor's
son wearing
trousers made of the same cloth. Perplexed, he asked, "Just
how could you
make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when
the other
tailor could not make a suit only?"
"It's very simple," replied the
tailor, "The other tailor has two
sons."
new suit, so he bought a
nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a
tailor. The first
tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured
Abraham, then told
him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.
Abraham was unhappy
with this opinion and sought another tailor. This
tailor measured
Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and
said, "There
is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a
vest,
please come back in a week to take your suit."
After a week Abraham
came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor's
son wearing
trousers made of the same cloth. Perplexed, he asked, "Just
how could you
make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when
the other
tailor could not make a suit only?"
"It's very simple," replied the
tailor, "The other tailor has two
sons."
Jokes number : 67
A man is hired by the circus to perform a
necessary but rather
unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the
elephants in the center
ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they
walk about. After a
rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the
circus cafeteria, sits with
other workers, and begins complaining
about his work.
"It's just terrible work, walking behind those
huge beasts and first
dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they
produce. My arms are tired,
my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll
have to shower before I return
home, because of the
stink."
His friends at work agree: "Why don't you just quit this miserable
job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some
skills
and talents that you can put to use somewhere else."
He
looks at them, stunned: "You know, you're probably right, but I
just can't give up the glamour of show business!"
necessary but rather
unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the
elephants in the center
ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they
walk about. After a
rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the
circus cafeteria, sits with
other workers, and begins complaining
about his work.
"It's just terrible work, walking behind those
huge beasts and first
dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they
produce. My arms are tired,
my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll
have to shower before I return
home, because of the
stink."
His friends at work agree: "Why don't you just quit this miserable
job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some
skills
and talents that you can put to use somewhere else."
He
looks at them, stunned: "You know, you're probably right, but I
just can't give up the glamour of show business!"
Friday, December 9, 2011
Jokes number : 66
A man was given the job of painting the white
lines down the
middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six
miles; the next
day three miles; the following day less than a mile.
When the foreman
asked the man why he kept painting less each day,
he replied "I just
can't do any better. Each day I keep getting
farther away from the paint
can."
lines down the
middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six
miles; the next
day three miles; the following day less than a mile.
When the foreman
asked the man why he kept painting less each day,
he replied "I just
can't do any better. Each day I keep getting
farther away from the paint
can."
Jokes number : 65
Two women were sitting by the pool, and one
asked what kind of water they fill the pool with -- fresh
water or
sea water? The cruise director answered,
"Sea water." "Oh, that
explains why it's so rough
today."
asked what kind of water they fill the pool with -- fresh
water or
sea water? The cruise director answered,
"Sea water." "Oh, that
explains why it's so rough
today."
Jokes number : 64
A newlywed couple, after bringing their
luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in
tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the
groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a
view
for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a
parking
lot!"
luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in
tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the
groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a
view
for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a
parking
lot!"
Jokes number : 63
Two guys are talking:
(1) - I've bought a
tour to my mother-in-law.
(2) - Your mother-in-law???!!!
(1) - Why
not, to Bagdad.
(1) - I've bought a
tour to my mother-in-law.
(2) - Your mother-in-law???!!!
(1) - Why
not, to Bagdad.
Jokes number : 62
Two friends: - I heard that you have
founded
a musical band.
- Yes, it is a quartet.
- How many are you?
-
We are three.
- Three?
- Me and my brother.
- You have a
brother?
- No, why do you ask?
founded
a musical band.
- Yes, it is a quartet.
- How many are you?
-
We are three.
- Three?
- Me and my brother.
- You have a
brother?
- No, why do you ask?
Jokes number : 61
One afternoon, a man was riding in
the back
of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road
side.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why
are you eating grass?", he asked one man.
"We don't have any
money for food.", The poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me
then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he said to the other
man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man
answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the
car, which was no easy task, even for a car
as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "sir,
you are too kind.
Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The rich man replied
"No, you don't understand, the grass at my home
is about three
feet tall!"
the back
of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road
side.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why
are you eating grass?", he asked one man.
"We don't have any
money for food.", The poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me
then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he said to the other
man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man
answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the
car, which was no easy task, even for a car
as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "sir,
you are too kind.
Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The rich man replied
"No, you don't understand, the grass at my home
is about three
feet tall!"
Jokes number : 60
Three men stood before a judge on a charge of
drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.
Judge: What
were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the
pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing
peanuts in the pond, too."
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you
throwing peanuts in the pond
as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM
Peanuts!
drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.
Judge: What
were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the
pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing
peanuts in the pond, too."
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you
throwing peanuts in the pond
as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM
Peanuts!
Jokes number : 59
A man has a racehorse, never won a
race. Man
in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk
wagon
tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off,
they
move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He
kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half
asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
race. Man
in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk
wagon
tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off,
they
move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He
kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half
asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Jokes number : 57
A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and
asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean
a
pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I
can
get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to
come with
it!"
asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean
a
pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I
can
get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to
come with
it!"
Jokes number : 54
You said this horse could
jump as high as a
ten foot fence and he can't jump at all.
Well neither can a
fence!
jump as high as a
ten foot fence and he can't jump at all.
Well neither can a
fence!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Jokes number : 49
Why is it difficult to
identify horses from
the back?
They're always switching their tails!
identify horses from
the back?
They're always switching their tails!
Jokes number : 48
Why is horse racing so romantic?
Because the
horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the
horse and
you can kiss your money goodbye!
Because the
horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the
horse and
you can kiss your money goodbye!
Jokes number : 47
Why is Dick Clark a
favourite star with
horses?
Because he was a disk jockey from Filly!
favourite star with
horses?
Because he was a disk jockey from Filly!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Jokes number : 42
Why did the horse stir his cereal with his
hoof?
Because he wanted to feel his oats!
hoof?
Because he wanted to feel his oats!
Jokes number : 37
Why did the artist put on a show of
horse
paintings?
He wanted to mount an exhibit!
horse
paintings?
He wanted to mount an exhibit!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Jokes number : 34
Who did the breeder call when his horse was
possessed by an evil spirit?
An exhorsist!
possessed by an evil spirit?
An exhorsist!
Jokes number : 33
Which route should you take through the woods
when riding a fizzy horse?
The psycho-path!
when riding a fizzy horse?
The psycho-path!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Jokes number : 22
What is the strongest
animal?
A
racehorse, because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at
once!
animal?
A
racehorse, because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at
once!
Jokes number : 21
What is the difference between a horse and a
duck?
One goes quick and the other goes quack!
duck?
One goes quick and the other goes quack!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Jokes number : 13
What has four legs and see just as well from
either end?
A horse with his eyes closed!
either end?
A horse with his eyes closed!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Jokes number : 10
What happened to Lady Godiva's horse when he
saw she had
no clothes on?
It made him shy!
saw she had
no clothes on?
It made him shy!
Jokes number : 5
What does it mean if you find a horse
shoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
shoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
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