Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in
Russia ?
Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !
Monday, December 31, 2012
Jokes number : 69
Teacher: What is can't short for ?
Pupil:
Cannot miss
Teacher: and what is don't short for
Pupil: Doughnut
!
Pupil:
Cannot miss
Teacher: and what is don't short for
Pupil: Doughnut
!
Jokes number : 67
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a
liquid that won't freeze
?
Pupil: Hot water !
liquid that won't freeze
?
Pupil: Hot water !
Jokes number : 66
Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my
questions ?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point
in me being here
!
questions ?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point
in me being here
!
Jokes number : 65
Teacher: This is the third
time I've had
to tell you off this week, what have you got to say
about
that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday !
time I've had
to tell you off this week, what have you got to say
about
that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday !
Jokes number : 64
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds
there are in a year ?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!
there are in a year ?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!
Jokes number : 63
Mother: Does your teacher like you ?
Son:
Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test paper
!
Son:
Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test paper
!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Jokes number : 62
Mother: How do you
like your new teacher
?
Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and
then
she didn't give me one !
like your new teacher
?
Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and
then
she didn't give me one !
Jokes number : 61
Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning
?
About an hour and a half after I arrived at school
?
About an hour and a half after I arrived at school
Jokes number : 60
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in
just
one day ?
Pupil: I get up early !
just
one day ?
Pupil: I get up early !
Jokes number : 58
Mother: What was the first thing you learned in
class ?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips !
class ?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips !
Jokes number : 56
Teacher : Can't you retain anything in your
head overnight ?
Pupil : Of course, I've had this cold in my head
for two days !
head overnight ?
Pupil : Of course, I've had this cold in my head
for two days !
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Jokes number : 54
Teacher: If you have five
haystacks in one
corner, five in another and two in another, how many would
you have
?
Pupil: One big haystack !
haystacks in one
corner, five in another and two in another, how many would
you have
?
Pupil: One big haystack !
Jokes number : 53
Teacher : Why are you
reading the last
pages of your history book first ?
Pupil: I want to know how it ends
!
reading the last
pages of your history book first ?
Pupil: I want to know how it ends
!
Jokes number : 52
Teacher: Why are you picking your
nose in
class ?
Pupil: My mother won't let me do it at home !
nose in
class ?
Pupil: My mother won't let me do it at home !
Jokes number : 51
Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good,
but where is the wagon ?
Pupil: The horse will draw it !
but where is the wagon ?
Pupil: The horse will draw it !
Jokes number : 50
Are you in
the top half of your class
?
No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible !
the top half of your class
?
No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible !
Jokes number : 49
Teacher : Would you at the
back of the room
stop passing notes.
Pupil : We're not passing notes. We're playing
cards !
back of the room
stop passing notes.
Pupil : We're not passing notes. We're playing
cards !
Jokes number : 48
Teacher: This note from your father looks like
your handwriting ?
Pupil: Well, yes, he borrowed my pen !
your handwriting ?
Pupil: Well, yes, he borrowed my pen !
Jokes number : 47
Teacher : Tommy you try my patience !
Tommy:
No, teacher you had better try mine. There's more of it
!
Tommy:
No, teacher you had better try mine. There's more of it
!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Jokes number : 45
Teacher : What are you doing,
crawling into
school ten minutes late ?
Pupil : Well you told me never to walk
into school ten minutes late
!
crawling into
school ten minutes late ?
Pupil : Well you told me never to walk
into school ten minutes late
!
Jokes number : 44
Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30
minutes for each question.
Pupil : How long for the answer sir
!
minutes for each question.
Pupil : How long for the answer sir
!
Jokes number : 43
Father: Well Son, how are your exam results
?
Son: They're under water
Father: What do you mean ?
Son: Below
"C" level !
?
Son: They're under water
Father: What do you mean ?
Son: Below
"C" level !
Jokes number : 42
Teacher : Why are you the only child in the
classroom today ?
Pupil : Because I was the only one who didn't
have school dinners
yesterday !
classroom today ?
Pupil : Because I was the only one who didn't
have school dinners
yesterday !
Jokes number : 41
Teacher : What is the most common phrase used
in school ?
Pupil : I don't know
Teacher: Correct !
in school ?
Pupil : I don't know
Teacher: Correct !
Jokes number : 40
Teacher : The word politics - can you give me
an
example of how to use it ?
Pupil : My parrot swallowed a watch
and now Polly ticks !
an
example of how to use it ?
Pupil : My parrot swallowed a watch
and now Polly ticks !
Jokes number : 39
Teacher : What is a comet ?
Pupil : A star
with a tail
Teacher: Can you name one ?
Pupil: Lassie !
Pupil : A star
with a tail
Teacher: Can you name one ?
Pupil: Lassie !
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Jokes number : 38
Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk
and the boy next to you
took three what would you have ?
Pupil :
A fight !
and the boy next to you
took three what would you have ?
Pupil :
A fight !
Jokes number : 37
Teacher : Give
me a sentence with the words
defence, defeat and detail in it.
Pupil : When a horse jumps over
defence, defeat go before detail
!
me a sentence with the words
defence, defeat and detail in it.
Pupil : When a horse jumps over
defence, defeat go before detail
!
Jokes number : 36
Teacher : Billy, please don't whistle while
studying.
Billy : Oh, but I'm not studying - just whistling !
studying.
Billy : Oh, but I'm not studying - just whistling !
Jokes number : 35
Teacher : Make up a sentence using the word
lettuce !
Pupil : Let us out of school early !
lettuce !
Pupil : Let us out of school early !
Jokes number : 34
Teacher : What's happens to gold
when it
is exposed to the air ?
Pupil : It's stolen !
when it
is exposed to the air ?
Pupil : It's stolen !
Jokes number : 33
Teacher : What are
you reading ?
Pupil :
I dunno !
Teacher : But you're reading aloud !
Pupil : But I'm
not listening !
you reading ?
Pupil :
I dunno !
Teacher : But you're reading aloud !
Pupil : But I'm
not listening !
Jokes number : 32
Teacher : Were you copying his sums ?
Pupil
: No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right !
Pupil
: No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right !
Jokes number : 31
Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the
fish tank !
Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he
hasn't drunk
that yet !
fish tank !
Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he
hasn't drunk
that yet !
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Jokes number : 30
The
teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on
counting. Jackie got things
started by counting from 1 to 10. "Now,
Fred," said the teacher, "you take
over, beginning with
11."
"11, 14, 23, 42, 26," said Fred.
"What kind of counting is that'?"
asked the teacher
"Who's counting'?" replied Fred. "I'm calling
signals."
teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on
counting. Jackie got things
started by counting from 1 to 10. "Now,
Fred," said the teacher, "you take
over, beginning with
11."
"11, 14, 23, 42, 26," said Fred.
"What kind of counting is that'?"
asked the teacher
"Who's counting'?" replied Fred. "I'm calling
signals."
Jokes number : 29
If I had
five coconuts and I gave you
three, how many would I have left ?
I don't know.
Why not ?
In our
school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.
five coconuts and I gave you
three, how many would I have left ?
I don't know.
Why not ?
In our
school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.
Jokes number : 28
Jackie stood quietly as her father
examined
her report card.
"What is this 45 in math?" asked her father.
"I
think that's the size of the class," she said quickly!
examined
her report card.
"What is this 45 in math?" asked her father.
"I
think that's the size of the class," she said quickly!
Jokes number : 27
If you had one dollar and you
asked your
father for another, how many dollars would you have?
One dollar.
You don't know your arithmetic.
You don't know my father !
asked your
father for another, how many dollars would you have?
One dollar.
You don't know your arithmetic.
You don't know my father !
Jokes number : 26
Fred: I got 100 in school today.
Mother:
Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?
Jason: Two things: I got 50 in
Spelling and 50 in History.
Mother: Well, at least you can add !
Mother:
Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?
Jason: Two things: I got 50 in
Spelling and 50 in History.
Mother: Well, at least you can add !
Jokes number : 25
How are you doing in arithmetic ?
I've
learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me
trouble.
I've
learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me
trouble.
Jokes number : 24
"Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days
she asked us how much
is two and two. We told her it was four. But
she still doesn't know.
Today she asked us again!"
she asked us how much
is two and two. We told her it was four. But
she still doesn't know.
Today she asked us again!"
Jokes number : 23
Teacher: If I gave you three
rabbits today
and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?
Jackie:
Nine.
Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight.
Jackie: No,
Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at
home!
rabbits today
and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?
Jackie:
Nine.
Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight.
Jackie: No,
Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at
home!
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Jokes number : 22
Fred: I've
added these figures ten times.
Teacher: Good work!
Fred: And here are my ten answers !
added these figures ten times.
Teacher: Good work!
Fred: And here are my ten answers !
Jokes number : 21
TEACHER: Jackie, take 932 from 1,439. What is
the difference?
Stella: That's what I say, what's the
difference`?
the difference?
Stella: That's what I say, what's the
difference`?
Jokes number : 20
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another
there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Fred (surprised):
Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Fred (surprised):
Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
Jokes number : 19
Teacher:
Can you count to 10?
Fred: Yes,
teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,
nine,
ten.
Teacher: Now go on from there.
Fred: Jack, Queen, King.
Can you count to 10?
Fred: Yes,
teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,
nine,
ten.
Teacher: Now go on from there.
Fred: Jack, Queen, King.
Jokes number : 18
The
teacher was reviewing counting with her
first-grade class. "Jackie,"
she asked, "can you count to 10
without mistakes?"
"Yes," said Jackie, and she did.
"Now, Fred," said
the teacher, "can you count from 10 to 20?"
"That depends," said
Fred, "with or without mistakes"!
teacher was reviewing counting with her
first-grade class. "Jackie,"
she asked, "can you count to 10
without mistakes?"
"Yes," said Jackie, and she did.
"Now, Fred," said
the teacher, "can you count from 10 to 20?"
"That depends," said
Fred, "with or without mistakes"!
Jokes number : 17
Teacher: How much is half of 8
Pupil: Up and
down or across ?
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Well,up and
down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
Pupil: Up and
down or across ?
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Well,up and
down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
Jokes number : 16
Teacher: What's 2 and 2
Pupil:
4
Teacher: That's good
Pupil: Good ?, that's perfect !
Pupil:
4
Teacher: That's good
Pupil: Good ?, that's perfect !
Jokes number : 15
Teacher:
Are you good at math ?
Pupil:
Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at
math !
Are you good at math ?
Pupil:
Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at
math !
Monday, December 24, 2012
Jokes number : 14
Teacher: Give me three reasons
why the
world is round
Pupil: Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so
!
why the
world is round
Pupil: Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so
!
Jokes number : 13
Teacher: Why does the
statue of liberty
stand in New York harbour ?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down !
statue of liberty
stand in New York harbour ?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down !
Jokes number : 12
Teacher: Where is the English Channel
?
Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up
?
Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up
Jokes number : 9
Be sure that you go
straight home after
school
I can't, I live just round the corner !
straight home after
school
I can't, I live just round the corner !
Jokes number : 8
The brain is a wonder ful thing
Why do you
say that ?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the
morning and
never stops until you get asked a question in class !
Why do you
say that ?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the
morning and
never stops until you get asked a question in class !
Jokes number : 7
Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day
without having to tell
you off.
Pupil: You have my permission
!
without having to tell
you off.
Pupil: You have my permission
!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Jokes number : 6
Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil:
I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it
rattling from here do you
!
Pupil:
I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it
rattling from here do you
!
Jokes number : 5
Our teacher
talks to herself does yours
?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening
!
talks to herself does yours
?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening
!
Jokes number : 4
Teacher: That's quite a
cough you have
there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What
will you give me ?
cough you have
there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What
will you give me ?
Jokes number : 3
Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I
overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too !
Sorry, teacher, I
overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too !
Jokes number : 2
Mother: Did you
enjoy the school outing,
dear ?
Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow.
Mother: Really ?
Why's that ?
Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.
enjoy the school outing,
dear ?
Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow.
Mother: Really ?
Why's that ?
Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.
Jokes number : 1
'Ann!' the teacher shouted one day at the
girl who had been daydreaming out the window. 'If India has the
world's
second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six and it
costs $3
for a day return to Austin, how old am I ?
'Thirty
two!'
'Why did you say that ?'
'Well, my brother's sixteen and
he's half mad !'
girl who had been daydreaming out the window. 'If India has the
world's
second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six and it
costs $3
for a day return to Austin, how old am I ?
'Thirty
two!'
'Why did you say that ?'
'Well, my brother's sixteen and
he's half mad !'
Jokes number : 100
Boy to Friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to
go out after school. I
promised Dad that I would stay in and help
him with my homework.
go out after school. I
promised Dad that I would stay in and help
him with my homework.
Jokes number : 99
'I'm not going to school today,' Alexander
said to his mother.
'The teachers bully me and the boys in my class
don't like me.'
'Why ?'
'Firstly, you're 35 years old.
Secondly, you're the
principal.'
said to his mother.
'The teachers bully me and the boys in my class
don't like me.'
'Why ?'
'Firstly, you're 35 years old.
Secondly, you're the
principal.'
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Jokes number : 98
School
Principal: I've called you into my
office, Peter, because I want to
talk to you about two words I wish
you wouldn't use so often. One is
"great" and the other is
"lousy." Peter: Certainly, sir. What are
they?
Principal: I've called you into my
office, Peter, because I want to
talk to you about two words I wish
you wouldn't use so often. One is
"great" and the other is
"lousy." Peter: Certainly, sir. What are
they?
Jokes number : 97
Teacher: What happened to your
homework?
Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.
homework?
Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.
Jokes number : 94
Teacher: Why do you want to
work in a bank,
Alan?
Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it, sir.
work in a bank,
Alan?
Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it, sir.
Jokes number : 93
Did you hear what
happened when there was
an epidemic of laryngitis at school? The school
nurse sent everyone
to the croakroom.
happened when there was
an epidemic of laryngitis at school? The school
nurse sent everyone
to the croakroom.
Jokes number : 92
A school teacher injured his back and had to
wear a
plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it
under his shirt
and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of
the term, still
with the cast under his shirt, he found himself
assigned to the toughest
class in the school.
Walking
confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as
wide as
possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom
became a
bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.
While working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his
tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as
the
class become more and more unmanageable.
Finally,
becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took
a big
stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several
places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
wear a
plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it
under his shirt
and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of
the term, still
with the cast under his shirt, he found himself
assigned to the toughest
class in the school.
Walking
confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as
wide as
possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom
became a
bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.
While working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his
tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as
the
class become more and more unmanageable.
Finally,
becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took
a big
stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several
places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
Jokes number : 91
Johnny comes back from school crying and says,
"Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head."
His mother replies, "No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously
deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect
your
feelings."
"Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head."
His mother replies, "No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously
deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect
your
feelings."
Friday, December 21, 2012
Jokes number : 90
How many students does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
light bulb?
None. Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
Jokes number : 89
How
many schoolteachers does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is
added to the
homework.
many schoolteachers does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is
added to the
homework.
Jokes number : 88
What do you get when
you add 2 apples to 3
apples? A senior high school math problem.
you add 2 apples to 3
apples? A senior high school math problem.
Jokes number : 87
A little kid's in
school, taking a
true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end
of the test he's
flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are
you doing?" He
says, "Checking my answers."
school, taking a
true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end
of the test he's
flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are
you doing?" He
says, "Checking my answers."
Jokes number : 86
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph:
Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do
with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go
Slow!"
Joseph:
Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do
with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go
Slow!"
Jokes number : 85
"Isn't the principal a
dummy!" said a boy
to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the
girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I
am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
dummy!" said a boy
to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the
girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I
am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
Jokes number : 84
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they
please stand up"
said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence,
one freshman rose to his
feet.
"Now then mister, why do you
consider yourself an idiot?" enquired
the teacher with a
sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you
standing up there all by yourself."
please stand up"
said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence,
one freshman rose to his
feet.
"Now then mister, why do you
consider yourself an idiot?" enquired
the teacher with a
sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you
standing up there all by yourself."
Jokes number : 83
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in
my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little
quieter, I
could.
my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little
quieter, I
could.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Jokes number : 82
The teacher is droning away in the classroom
when he notices a student
sleeping way up in the back row. The
teacher shouts to the sleeping
student's neighbor, "Hey wake that
student up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him
up!"
when he notices a student
sleeping way up in the back row. The
teacher shouts to the sleeping
student's neighbor, "Hey wake that
student up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him
up!"
Jokes number : 81
The teacher came up with a good problem.
"Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and
six
of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None,"
answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your
arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all
go!"
"Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and
six
of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None,"
answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your
arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all
go!"
Jokes number : 80
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a
tree called?"
Sam: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam,
bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
tree called?"
Sam: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam,
bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
Jokes number : 79
A teacher was having
trouble teaching
arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached
in your right
pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left
pocket and
found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's
pants."
trouble teaching
arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached
in your right
pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left
pocket and
found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's
pants."
Jokes number : 78
A little girl came home from
school and
said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for
something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's
terrible! I'm going to have a talk
with your teacher about this ... by
the way, what was it that you
didn't do?"
The little girl
replied, "My homework."
school and
said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for
something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's
terrible! I'm going to have a talk
with your teacher about this ... by
the way, what was it that you
didn't do?"
The little girl
replied, "My homework."
Jokes number : 77
"Dad, can you write in the dark?"
"I think
so. What is it you want me to write?"
"Your name on this report
card."
"I think
so. What is it you want me to write?"
"Your name on this report
card."
Jokes number : 76
The parents were very disappointed in the
grades that their son brought home. "The only consolation I can find in
these awful grades," lamented the father, "is that I know he never
cheated during his exams."
grades that their son brought home. "The only consolation I can find in
these awful grades," lamented the father, "is that I know he never
cheated during his exams."
Jokes number : 75
A mom
and dad were worried about their son
not wanting to learn math at the
school he was in, so they decided
to send him to a Catholic school.
After the first day of school,
their son comes racing into the house, goes
straight into his room
and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a
little worried about this
and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find
him sitting at
his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that
for the rest
of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his
report
card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see
under
math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed
your mind
about learning math?"
The son looked at mom and
dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I
walked into the
classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the
back of the room
behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant
business."
and dad were worried about their son
not wanting to learn math at the
school he was in, so they decided
to send him to a Catholic school.
After the first day of school,
their son comes racing into the house, goes
straight into his room
and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a
little worried about this
and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find
him sitting at
his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that
for the rest
of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his
report
card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see
under
math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed
your mind
about learning math?"
The son looked at mom and
dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I
walked into the
classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the
back of the room
behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant
business."
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Jokes number : 74
Man: "How's
your history paper
coming?"
Woman: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the
Internet
for research, and it's been very helpful.
Man:
"Really?"
Woman: "Yes! I've already located 17 people who sell
them!"
your history paper
coming?"
Woman: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the
Internet
for research, and it's been very helpful.
Man:
"Really?"
Woman: "Yes! I've already located 17 people who sell
them!"
Jokes number : 73
A student comes to a young
professor's
office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door,
kneels
pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer
to him,
flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I
mean..." she
whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He
returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens.
"Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to
a whisper. "Would you...study?"
professor's
office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door,
kneels
pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer
to him,
flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I
mean..." she
whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He
returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens.
"Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to
a whisper. "Would you...study?"
Jokes number : 72
Introductory
Chemistry was taught at Duke
University for many years by professor Bonk.
One year, two guys took
the class and did pretty well on all the
quizzes and mid-terms--so
much so that going into the final, they each had a
solid A. These
two friends were so confident going into the final that
the weekend
before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on
Monday,
they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with
some
friends.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their
hangovers and
tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't
make it back to
Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking
the final then, they
found professor Bonk after the final and
explained to him how they
missed the final. They told him they went up
to the University of Virgina
for the weekend and had planned to come
back in time to study, but they
had a flat tire on the way
back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't
fix it for a long
time and were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over
and agreed that they could take the final the
following day. The
two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and
went in the
next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed
them in
separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told
them to
begin.
They looked at the first problem which was something simple
about
molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they
thought,
"this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the
page. They were
unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The
question contained
only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
Chemistry was taught at Duke
University for many years by professor Bonk.
One year, two guys took
the class and did pretty well on all the
quizzes and mid-terms--so
much so that going into the final, they each had a
solid A. These
two friends were so confident going into the final that
the weekend
before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on
Monday,
they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with
some
friends.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their
hangovers and
tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't
make it back to
Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking
the final then, they
found professor Bonk after the final and
explained to him how they
missed the final. They told him they went up
to the University of Virgina
for the weekend and had planned to come
back in time to study, but they
had a flat tire on the way
back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't
fix it for a long
time and were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over
and agreed that they could take the final the
following day. The
two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and
went in the
next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed
them in
separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told
them to
begin.
They looked at the first problem which was something simple
about
molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they
thought,
"this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the
page. They were
unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The
question contained
only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
Jokes number : 71
A student called up his Mom one evening from
his college and asked her for some money, because he was
broke.
His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also
left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do
you
want me to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, O.K."
responded the kid.
So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up
in a package,
kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to
mail the money and the
book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how
much did you give the
boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote two
checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to
him."
"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy???"
"Don't worry
hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald
head, "I taped
the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the
$1,000 one
somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"
his college and asked her for some money, because he was
broke.
His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also
left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do
you
want me to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, O.K."
responded the kid.
So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up
in a package,
kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to
mail the money and the
book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how
much did you give the
boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote two
checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to
him."
"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy???"
"Don't worry
hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald
head, "I taped
the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the
$1,000 one
somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"
Jokes number : 70
One day our
professor was discussing a
particularly complicated concept. A pre-med
student rudely interrupted
to ask, "Why do we have to learn this
pointless
information"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the
lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.
"So how does
physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps
the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied
the
professor.
professor was discussing a
particularly complicated concept. A pre-med
student rudely interrupted
to ask, "Why do we have to learn this
pointless
information"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the
lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.
"So how does
physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps
the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied
the
professor.
Jokes number : 69
A
professor was giving a big test one day
to his students. He handed out all of
the tests and went back to his
desk to wait. Once the test was over,
the students all handed the
tests back in. The professor noticed that one
of the students had
attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying
"A dollar per
point." The next class the professor handed the tests
back out. This
student got back his test and $56 change.
professor was giving a big test one day
to his students. He handed out all of
the tests and went back to his
desk to wait. Once the test was over,
the students all handed the
tests back in. The professor noticed that one
of the students had
attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying
"A dollar per
point." The next class the professor handed the tests
back out. This
student got back his test and $56 change.
Jokes number : 68
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his
English class one
day. "In English," he said, "A double negative
forms a positive. In
some languages, though, such as Russian, a double
negative is still a
negative. However, there is no language wherein
a double positive can
form a negative."
A voice from the
back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
English class one
day. "In English," he said, "A double negative
forms a positive. In
some languages, though, such as Russian, a double
negative is still a
negative. However, there is no language wherein
a double positive can
form a negative."
A voice from the
back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Jokes number : 67
A college business
professor could not help
but notice that one of his students was late to
class for the third
time that week. Before class ended he went around
the room asking
students some questions about the day's lecture. Of
course, he made
sure to pick on his tardy pupil.
"And who was it that developed
the theories behind communism?" the
professor asked.
"I
don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on
time, Mr. Reebs, you would know,"
said the professor.
"That's
not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention
anyway!"
professor could not help
but notice that one of his students was late to
class for the third
time that week. Before class ended he went around
the room asking
students some questions about the day's lecture. Of
course, he made
sure to pick on his tardy pupil.
"And who was it that developed
the theories behind communism?" the
professor asked.
"I
don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on
time, Mr. Reebs, you would know,"
said the professor.
"That's
not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention
anyway!"
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Jokes number : 66
The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group
picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are
all
grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or
'That's
Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice from the
back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher; she's still
old, nasty, and wrinkled"
teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group
picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are
all
grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or
'That's
Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice from the
back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher; she's still
old, nasty, and wrinkled"
Jokes number : 65
A teacher was giving a lesson on the
circulation of the
blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now,
students, if I
stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run
into it, and I should
turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the
boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."
circulation of the
blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now,
students, if I
stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run
into it, and I should
turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the
boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."
Jokes number : 64
Sandy began a
job as an elementary school counselor and
she was eager to help. One
day during recess she noticed a girl
standing by herself on one side of a
playing field while the rest of
the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at
the other.
Sandy
approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the
same
spot, still by herself.
Approaching again, Sandy
offered, "Would you like me to be your
friend?"
The girl
hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman
suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you
standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great
exasperation, "I'm the
goalie!"
job as an elementary school counselor and
she was eager to help. One
day during recess she noticed a girl
standing by herself on one side of a
playing field while the rest of
the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at
the other.
Sandy
approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the
same
spot, still by herself.
Approaching again, Sandy
offered, "Would you like me to be your
friend?"
The girl
hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman
suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you
standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great
exasperation, "I'm the
goalie!"
Jokes number : 63
Why do teachers
use a bamboo
cane?
Because when the cane goes 'bam' the child goes boo!
use a bamboo
cane?
Because when the cane goes 'bam' the child goes boo!
Jokes number : 62
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the
combination!
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the
combination!
Jokes number : 61
"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you
haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad
says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it
settles down!"
haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad
says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it
settles down!"
Jokes number : 60
Father: You were absent on the day of the
test?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!
test?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!
Jokes number : 59
Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this
test!
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could
give
you!
test!
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could
give
you!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Jokes number : 58
What happens if you draw on the blackboard and
the
teacher told you not to?
She draws a smack!
the
teacher told you not to?
She draws a smack!
Jokes number : 57
Fred came home from his first day at school.
"Nothing exciting
happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher
didn't know how to spell
cat so I told her"
"Nothing exciting
happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher
didn't know how to spell
cat so I told her"
Jokes number : 56
I'm not going back to school ever again
Why
ever not?
The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask
questions!
Why
ever not?
The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask
questions!
Jokes number : 55
Mother: How was your first
day at
school?
Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept
spoiling all our fun!
day at
school?
Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept
spoiling all our fun!
Jokes number : 52
Father: How were the
exam
questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions
didn't give me any trouble, just the
answers!
exam
questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions
didn't give me any trouble, just the
answers!
Jokes number : 51
Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead
Sea?
Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even know he was sick!
Sea?
Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even know he was sick!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Jokes number : 49
Father: What did the
teacher think of your
idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb
Teacher: Really?, what did she
say?
Son: Baa!
teacher think of your
idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb
Teacher: Really?, what did she
say?
Son: Baa!
Jokes number : 48
Teacher: Did your parents help you
with
these homework problems?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!
with
these homework problems?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!
Jokes number : 46
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass
but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the
grass!
but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the
grass!
Jokes number : 45
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I
gave
you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
gave
you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
Jokes number : 43
Dad, can you
help me find the lowest common
denominator in this problem please?
Don't tell me that they
haven't found it yet, I remember looking for
it when I was a boy!
help me find the lowest common
denominator in this problem please?
Don't tell me that they
haven't found it yet, I remember looking for
it when I was a boy!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Jokes number : 42
Little Monster: I hate my teacher.
Mother
Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!
Mother
Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!
Jokes number : 41
Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my
questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point
in me being
here!
questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point
in me being
here!
Jokes number : 40
Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any
five year old should be able to solve this one.
No wonder I can't do
it then, I'm nearly ten!
Any
five year old should be able to solve this one.
No wonder I can't do
it then, I'm nearly ten!
Jokes number : 39
Teacher: You copies from
Fred's exam paper
didn't you?
Pupil: How did you know?
Teacher: Fred's paper says
"I don't know" and you have put "Me,
neither"!
Fred's exam paper
didn't you?
Pupil: How did you know?
Teacher: Fred's paper says
"I don't know" and you have put "Me,
neither"!
Jokes number : 38
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at
Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!
Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Jokes number : 31
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to
tell you off this week, what have you got to say about
that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!
tell you off this week, what have you got to say about
that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!
Jokes number : 30
Mother: What did you learn in school
today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know,
they haven't taught us how to read yet!
today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know,
they haven't taught us how to read yet!
Jokes number : 29
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn
it to stop
ourselves from freezing
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn
it to stop
ourselves from freezing
Jokes number : 28
Teacher:
Can anyone tell me how many
seconds there are in a year?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!
Can anyone tell me how many
seconds there are in a year?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!
Jokes number : 27
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved
away
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved
away
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Jokes number : 26
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so
they could study how
the human brain worked
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so
they could study how
the human brain worked
Jokes number : 25
Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why
were
you late?
Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
Teacher: It's
three in the afternoon!
were
you late?
Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
Teacher: It's
three in the afternoon!
Jokes number : 24
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your
homework?
Pupil: My little sister ate it!
homework?
Pupil: My little sister ate it!
Jokes number : 23
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your
homework?
Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to
your already
heavy workload.
homework?
Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to
your already
heavy workload.
Jokes number : 22
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in
the washing
machine
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in
the washing
machine
Jokes number : 20
Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put
your hand to your mouth!
Pupil: What?, and get bitten!
your hand to your mouth!
Pupil: What?, and get bitten!
Jokes number : 19
Teacher: What's big
and yellow and comes
in the morning to brighten a mothers day?
Pupil: The school bus!
and yellow and comes
in the morning to brighten a mothers day?
Pupil: The school bus!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Jokes number : 18
Mother: What
was the first thing you
learned in class?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!
was the first thing you
learned in class?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!
Jokes number : 17
Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I
didn't know where the
Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time
remember where you put things!
didn't know where the
Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time
remember where you put things!
Jokes number : 16
A history joke
Teacher: When was Rome
built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil:
Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a
day!
Teacher: When was Rome
built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil:
Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a
day!
Jokes number : 15
Father: I hear you skipped school
to play
football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!
to play
football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!
Jokes number : 14
Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and
won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is
this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is
this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
Jokes number : 12
Teacher: Why is the Mississippi
such an
unusual river?
Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see!
such an
unusual river?
Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see!
Jokes number : 11
Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes
and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at
math!
Pupil: Yes
and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at
math!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Jokes number : 10
I
failed every subject except for
algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn't take algebra!
failed every subject except for
algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn't take algebra!
Jokes number : 9
Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith
then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.
Teacher: Why is that?
Pupil: He
doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!
then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.
Teacher: Why is that?
Pupil: He
doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!
Jokes number : 8
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father:
Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel
well?
Son: In school!
Father:
Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel
well?
Son: In school!
Jokes number : 6
Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me.
Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having
trouble listening!
Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having
trouble listening!
Jokes number : 5
Teacher: That's quite a cough you have
there, what are you taking for it?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What
will you give me?
there, what are you taking for it?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What
will you give me?
Jokes number : 4
Teacher: Is
Lapland heavily
populated?
Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile!
Teacher: Name an
animal that lives in Lapland!
Pupil: A reindeer
Teacher: Good, now
name another.
Class: Another reindeer!
Lapland heavily
populated?
Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile!
Teacher: Name an
animal that lives in Lapland!
Pupil: A reindeer
Teacher: Good, now
name another.
Class: Another reindeer!
Jokes number : 3
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of
school
this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the
other half this afternoon!
school
this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the
other half this afternoon!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Jokes number : 1
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you
to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At
once!
to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At
once!
Jokes number : 100
Father:
How do you like going to
school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm
not
too keen on the time in-between!
How do you like going to
school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm
not
too keen on the time in-between!
Jokes number : 99
Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes,
the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!
Yes,
the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!
Jokes number : 97
Why aren't you doing very well in
history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I
was born!
history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I
was born!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Jokes number : 91
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the
mugger took everything
I had
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the
mugger took everything
I had
Jokes number : 90
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I
was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything
I
had
Pupil: I
was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything
I
had
Jokes number : 89
Great news, teacher says we have a test today
come rain or shine.
So what's so great about that?
It's snowing
outside!
come rain or shine.
So what's so great about that?
It's snowing
outside!
Jokes number : 88
Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up
and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Well, up and
down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a
0!
Pupil: Up
and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Well, up and
down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a
0!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Jokes number : 86
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it
remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to
see!
remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to
see!
Jokes number : 85
"Is your mother home?" the
salesman asked
a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house.
"Yeah, she's
home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The
salesman
rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again.
Still
no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I
thought you said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is; but
this isn't where I live.
salesman asked
a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house.
"Yeah, she's
home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The
salesman
rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again.
Still
no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I
thought you said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is; but
this isn't where I live.
Jokes number : 84
A realty salesman had just closed his first
deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was
completely
under water.
"That customer's going to come back here
pretty mad," he said to his
boss. "Should I give him his money
back?"
"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are
you? Get
out there and sell him a houseboat."
deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was
completely
under water.
"That customer's going to come back here
pretty mad," he said to his
boss. "Should I give him his money
back?"
"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are
you? Get
out there and sell him a houseboat."
Jokes number : 81
What happened when the man asked the salesman
for a good belt?
"O.K., you asked for it," the salesman said as
he gave him a good
belt.
for a good belt?
"O.K., you asked for it," the salesman said as
he gave him a good
belt.
Jokes number : 80
A famous art collector is walking through the
city
when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the
doorway of
a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that
the saucer is
extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually
into the store and
offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The
storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The
collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to
catch
mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner
says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey,
for the twenty bucks I wonder if you
could throw in that old saucer.
The cat's used to it and it'll save me
from having to get a
dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So
far
this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
city
when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the
doorway of
a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that
the saucer is
extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually
into the store and
offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The
storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The
collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to
catch
mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner
says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey,
for the twenty bucks I wonder if you
could throw in that old saucer.
The cat's used to it and it'll save me
from having to get a
dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So
far
this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
Friday, December 7, 2012
Jokes number : 78
Ned: What does
your Dad sell ?
Ed:
Salt.
Ned: Well, my dad is a salt seller, too.
Ed: Shake.
your Dad sell ?
Ed:
Salt.
Ned: Well, my dad is a salt seller, too.
Ed: Shake.
Jokes number : 77
Customer: You
said these pants were pure
wool, but the label says "all cotton."
Salesman: Oh, that's just to
keep the moths away.
said these pants were pure
wool, but the label says "all cotton."
Salesman: Oh, that's just to
keep the moths away.
Jokes number : 76
Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket
calculator?
Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.
calculator?
Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.
Jokes number : 75
Salesman: This jug is
genuine Indian
pottery.
Customer: But it says "Made in Cleveland."
Salesman:
Haven't you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?
genuine Indian
pottery.
Customer: But it says "Made in Cleveland."
Salesman:
Haven't you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?
Jokes number : 74
Salesman: That suit looks nice. It
fits
like a bandage.
Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident.
fits
like a bandage.
Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident.
Jokes number : 72
An inexperienced real estate
salesman
asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry
customer who
had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
"What
kind of salesman are you?" the boss scolded. "Get out there
and sell
him a boat."
salesman
asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry
customer who
had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
"What
kind of salesman are you?" the boss scolded. "Get out there
and sell
him a boat."
Jokes number : 71
The top toothbrush salesman at the company
was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He
replied
"It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his
display of
brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like
this, and
then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the
customers. He
laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, "That's a
very innovative
approach" and took one of the chips, dipped it, and
stuck it in his
mouth. "Yuck, this tastes terrible!" his boss
yelled. The salesman
replied "IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?"
was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He
replied
"It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his
display of
brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like
this, and
then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the
customers. He
laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, "That's a
very innovative
approach" and took one of the chips, dipped it, and
stuck it in his
mouth. "Yuck, this tastes terrible!" his boss
yelled. The salesman
replied "IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?"
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Jokes number : 70
One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment
when his
doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a
salesman
standing on his porch with a strange object.
"What is
that?" Mikey asked. "It's a thermos," the salesman
replied. "What
does it do?" asked Mikey. "This baby," the salesman said,
"keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold."
After some deliberation Mikey
bought one, deciding it would really help
his lunch situation. The next
day he arrived at the plant where he
works. Sure enough, all the
other employees were curious about his new
object. "What is it?" they
asked.
"It's a thermos," Mikey replied.
"What does it do?" they
asked.
"Well," Mikey says in a bragging manner, "It keeps hot things
hot
and cold things cold."
"What do ya got in it?"
To which
Mikey says, "Three cups of coffee and a popsicle."
when his
doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a
salesman
standing on his porch with a strange object.
"What is
that?" Mikey asked. "It's a thermos," the salesman
replied. "What
does it do?" asked Mikey. "This baby," the salesman said,
"keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold."
After some deliberation Mikey
bought one, deciding it would really help
his lunch situation. The next
day he arrived at the plant where he
works. Sure enough, all the
other employees were curious about his new
object. "What is it?" they
asked.
"It's a thermos," Mikey replied.
"What does it do?" they
asked.
"Well," Mikey says in a bragging manner, "It keeps hot things
hot
and cold things cold."
"What do ya got in it?"
To which
Mikey says, "Three cups of coffee and a popsicle."
Jokes number : 69
Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our
mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale.
Customer: Forget it! No one round here's got room in their houses for
a
mammoth.
mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale.
Customer: Forget it! No one round here's got room in their houses for
a
mammoth.
Jokes number : 68
"No, no, no!" said the enraged businessman to
the persistent
salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "That's fine,"
said the salesman,
"I'm selling spectacles."
the persistent
salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "That's fine,"
said the salesman,
"I'm selling spectacles."
Jokes number : 67
Patient: Doctor, you
have to help me stop
talking to myself.
Doctor: Why is that?
Patient: I'm a
salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't
want.
have to help me stop
talking to myself.
Doctor: Why is that?
Patient: I'm a
salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't
want.
Jokes number : 66
Had a door-to-door salesman call one time
selling of all things -- burial plots. I told him that we already had
our
plots in another cemetery.
He seemed uncertain as to
what to say next, but he recovered to say
politely, "I hope you'll be
very happy there."
selling of all things -- burial plots. I told him that we already had
our
plots in another cemetery.
He seemed uncertain as to
what to say next, but he recovered to say
politely, "I hope you'll be
very happy there."
Jokes number : 65
A woman was shopping in a
fairly nice
dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the
salesman
the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about
prices
these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto
tires.
After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had
enuff and said,
"My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and
obviously so
offensive to you, why do you bother ?"
fairly nice
dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the
salesman
the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about
prices
these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto
tires.
After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had
enuff and said,
"My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and
obviously so
offensive to you, why do you bother ?"
Jokes number : 64
A policeman came upon a super-salesman about
to jump from a bridge
and yelled, "Wait, Fellow! Please don't do
that !!!"
The salesman said, "Why not ?" and proceeded to expound
on his views
on the shaky economy, declining family life and
Clinton politics.
Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.
to jump from a bridge
and yelled, "Wait, Fellow! Please don't do
that !!!"
The salesman said, "Why not ?" and proceeded to expound
on his views
on the shaky economy, declining family life and
Clinton politics.
Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.
Jokes number : 63
An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in
his efforts
to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way
sir." he said
finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die
?"
"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon
that'd
be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while
I'm
alive."
his efforts
to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way
sir." he said
finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die
?"
"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon
that'd
be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while
I'm
alive."
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Jokes number : 62
The couple
was standing staring at one of
the more expensive models in the auto
showroom. A salesman sensing
their debate over the price moved in and
said, "This model is
priced just over the car which is priced a few
dollars above the car
which costs no more than some models of the lowest
priced cars."
was standing staring at one of
the more expensive models in the auto
showroom. A salesman sensing
their debate over the price moved in and
said, "This model is
priced just over the car which is priced a few
dollars above the car
which costs no more than some models of the lowest
priced cars."
Jokes number : 61
Insurance agent to would-be client: "Don't
let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonite. If
you
wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.
let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonite. If
you
wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.
Jokes number : 60
A
traveling salesman was held up by a bad
storm in the Hawaiian Islands.
He sent an e-mail to his corporate
headquarters advising them that he
was stranded for a few days and
requested instructions.
The reply came back shortly: "Begin
vacation as of yesterday."
traveling salesman was held up by a bad
storm in the Hawaiian Islands.
He sent an e-mail to his corporate
headquarters advising them that he
was stranded for a few days and
requested instructions.
The reply came back shortly: "Begin
vacation as of yesterday."
Jokes number : 59
The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job
as a
vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of
intensive
training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice
his pitch on
his wife.
The next morning, the manager asked
the novice how he made out.
Well," the man began, "I did what you
said, and after I finished, I
asked her if she would buy the vacuum
cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.'
Then I asked her 'why ?' She
replied, 'Because I love you'."
as a
vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of
intensive
training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice
his pitch on
his wife.
The next morning, the manager asked
the novice how he made out.
Well," the man began, "I did what you
said, and after I finished, I
asked her if she would buy the vacuum
cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.'
Then I asked her 'why ?' She
replied, 'Because I love you'."
Jokes number : 58
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman
manages
to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural
area.
"This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of
dirt over the lounge floor.
The woman says she's really worried
it may not all come off, so the
salesman says, "If this machine
doesn't remove all the dust completely,
I'll lick it off
myself."
"Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we're not connected for
electricity yet!"
manages
to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural
area.
"This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of
dirt over the lounge floor.
The woman says she's really worried
it may not all come off, so the
salesman says, "If this machine
doesn't remove all the dust completely,
I'll lick it off
myself."
"Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we're not connected for
electricity yet!"
Jokes number : 56
A salesman who was out on his territory had a
heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called
the
salesman's company and related the tragedy to the sales
manager.
The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and
told the
motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search
his pants for
orders."
heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called
the
salesman's company and related the tragedy to the sales
manager.
The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and
told the
motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search
his pants for
orders."
Jokes number : 55
An American tourist was lunching in a
restaurant
in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained
each dish as
he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the
duck; this the
leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc."
Then came the
dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited
for the explanation.
Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's
this?" The waiter
replied, "It's a friend of duck."
restaurant
in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained
each dish as
he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the
duck; this the
leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc."
Then came the
dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited
for the explanation.
Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's
this?" The waiter
replied, "It's a friend of duck."
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Jokes number : 53
A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner
one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken
almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have
that," the woman says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he
asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.
one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken
almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have
that," the woman says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he
asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.
Jokes number : 51
Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play
requests?
Yes, sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've
finished my
meal.
requests?
Yes, sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've
finished my
meal.
Jokes number : 49
The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant
recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket
approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?"
"Go
down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you
see
the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on
in."
recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket
approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?"
"Go
down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you
see
the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on
in."
Jokes number : 48
Young woman sat down in small
restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order.
"I'll have a hamburger
please."
"Burger!" she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added.
"Make that
well done."
Waitres turned away again.
"Torture
it!" she yelled.
restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order.
"I'll have a hamburger
please."
"Burger!" she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added.
"Make that
well done."
Waitres turned away again.
"Torture
it!" she yelled.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Jokes number : 46
"What's the matter with your dinner
?"
"Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor
later what I've eaten !"
?"
"Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor
later what I've eaten !"
Jokes number : 45
A out-of-towner in New York at the height
of the tourist season
decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd
enjoyed on a previous
trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of
an overworked waiter, he
said, "You know, it's been over five
years since I first came in here."
"You'll have to wait your turn,
sir," replied the harried and now
irritated waiter, "I can only
serve one table at a time."
of the tourist season
decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd
enjoyed on a previous
trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of
an overworked waiter, he
said, "You know, it's been over five
years since I first came in here."
"You'll have to wait your turn,
sir," replied the harried and now
irritated waiter, "I can only
serve one table at a time."
Jokes number : 44
Two little boys were
visiting their
grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They
couldn't
make up their minds about what they wanted to eat.
Finally the
grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring
them bread and
water."
One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have
ketchup on
it?"
visiting their
grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They
couldn't
make up their minds about what they wanted to eat.
Finally the
grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring
them bread and
water."
One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have
ketchup on
it?"
Jokes number : 43
Waiter, what is this bug doing on
my
wives shoulder!
I don't know - friendly thing isn't he !
my
wives shoulder!
I don't know - friendly thing isn't he !
Jokes number : 42
At which fast food
restaurant is a
hamburger happiest?
Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips!
restaurant is a
hamburger happiest?
Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips!
Jokes number : 41
Once a man went to a resturant and ordered
an egg. When it was brought he didn't liked it so he informed the
waiter that the egg was bad.
Came the reply:
"I don't lay
egg sir I just lay table !"
an egg. When it was brought he didn't liked it so he informed the
waiter that the egg was bad.
Came the reply:
"I don't lay
egg sir I just lay table !"
Jokes number : 40
Hello? Fred's Restaurant.
Hello! I'd
like to know, do you serve crabs?
We serve anyone, sir! Come on
in!
Hello! I'd
like to know, do you serve crabs?
We serve anyone, sir! Come on
in!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Jokes number : 38
Girl: How much is a soft drink
?
Waitress: Fifty cents.
Girl: How much is refill ?
Waitress: The first is
free.
Girl: Well then, I'll have a refill.
?
Waitress: Fifty cents.
Girl: How much is refill ?
Waitress: The first is
free.
Girl: Well then, I'll have a refill.
Jokes number : 37
Have you ever seen a man-eating tiger
?
No, but in the restaurant next door I once saw a man eating chicken
!
?
No, but in the restaurant next door I once saw a man eating chicken
!
Jokes number : 36
I went to a restaurant that serves
-breakfast at any time.- So I ordered French Toast during the
Renaissance.
-breakfast at any time.- So I ordered French Toast during the
Renaissance.
Jokes number : 35
Eulus stood in front of the take-out
window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. "I want two hamburgers,"
he said. "One with onions, and one without."
The counter man:
"Okay. Which one's without the onions?"
window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. "I want two hamburgers,"
he said. "One with onions, and one without."
The counter man:
"Okay. Which one's without the onions?"
Jokes number : 34
Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant
every day.
Patron 2: I don't tip, either.
every day.
Patron 2: I don't tip, either.
Jokes number : 33
"Can
I have some two-handed cheese,
please?" a man in a restaurant asked
the waiter.
"What do you
mean, 'two-handed cheese'?' asked the waiter.
"You know, the kind
you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the
other."
I have some two-handed cheese,
please?" a man in a restaurant asked
the waiter.
"What do you
mean, 'two-handed cheese'?' asked the waiter.
"You know, the kind
you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the
other."
Jokes number : 31
Customer to friend: This is a wonderful
restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world,
I
ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the
world.
Friend: I know - I ordered a small steak and got a calf.
restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world,
I
ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the
world.
Friend: I know - I ordered a small steak and got a calf.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Jokes number : 30
Jane's father
decided to take all the
family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd
spent quite a lot
of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I
have a bag to
take the leftovers home for the dog?"
"Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are
we getting a dog?"
decided to take all the
family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd
spent quite a lot
of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I
have a bag to
take the leftovers home for the dog?"
"Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are
we getting a dog?"
Jokes number : 29
Why was
the restaurant called "Out of
this World"?
Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.
the restaurant called "Out of
this World"?
Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.
Jokes number : 28
A man walks
into a Chinese restaurant
but is told by the
Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty
minute wait.
"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
The
man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The
man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender pauses
for a few seconds, then smiles and
says, "Once upon time, there were
FOUR little peegs . . . "
into a Chinese restaurant
but is told by the
Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty
minute wait.
"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
The
man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The
man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender pauses
for a few seconds, then smiles and
says, "Once upon time, there were
FOUR little peegs . . . "
Jokes number : 27
How
many McDonald's counter girls does
it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to put
some chips with it.
many McDonald's counter girls does
it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to put
some chips with it.
Jokes number : 26
How many cafeteria staff does it take to
change a light bulb?
"Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've
just cashed up."
change a light bulb?
"Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've
just cashed up."
Jokes number : 25
A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers
asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following
Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she
had
learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby
said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny
said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know
how
to
drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,
Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving
down the
highway,
and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of
us and Daddy yelled at
him,
'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn
how to drive?'"
asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following
Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she
had
learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby
said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny
said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know
how
to
drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,
Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving
down the
highway,
and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of
us and Daddy yelled at
him,
'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn
how to drive?'"
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