Q. What did one tornado say to the
other?
A. "Let's twist again, like we did last summer...."
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Jokes number : 29
Two
weathermen each broke an arm and a leg
in an accident, and called from the
hospital about the four
casts.
weathermen each broke an arm and a leg
in an accident, and called from the
hospital about the four
casts.
Jokes number : 28
There is a Shreveport cable TV channel that
broadcasts the (live) video of the Shreveport radar and the audio of
the
NOAA weather radio station. When explaining why he knew he
should go
into meteorology, he said that when he was young, he would
sometimes
watch the channel even when there were no echoes, just for
fun.
broadcasts the (live) video of the Shreveport radar and the audio of
the
NOAA weather radio station. When explaining why he knew he
should go
into meteorology, he said that when he was young, he would
sometimes
watch the channel even when there were no echoes, just for
fun.
Jokes number : 27
Recently during the heavy rains they have experienced in
New
England the mail carrier for one neighborhood commeneted on the
"pouring
rain." Well , atleast the dew point is coming down!
New
England the mail carrier for one neighborhood commeneted on the
"pouring
rain." Well , atleast the dew point is coming down!
Jokes number : 26
During the month of
June and July. Here in
the panhandle it got pretty hot in this area. In
Fact people were
even overworking in the heat. So one day I was working
outside in
the heat and then i thought i better get inside. My Boss
asked me
where i was going and i told him i am going inside to cool down .
He
said that i better get back to work. I said i cant, he said how
come.? Because it is so hot out here that i have to go inside to change my
mind.
June and July. Here in
the panhandle it got pretty hot in this area. In
Fact people were
even overworking in the heat. So one day I was working
outside in
the heat and then i thought i better get inside. My Boss
asked me
where i was going and i told him i am going inside to cool down .
He
said that i better get back to work. I said i cant, he said how
come.? Because it is so hot out here that i have to go inside to change my
mind.
Jokes number : 25
Years ago, Nebraskans got tired of leaning
into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying
their eggs two and three times. Seems the wind continually came down
from
Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to
stop it.
The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence
across the
North Border of the State of Nebraska. . . . the idea
being, to stop that
cold wind. It might've worked, too. The barbed
wire they used was
strong enough, .but the real problem was that a
couple owners of farms on
the upper boarder kept leaving their gates
open.
into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying
their eggs two and three times. Seems the wind continually came down
from
Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to
stop it.
The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence
across the
North Border of the State of Nebraska. . . . the idea
being, to stop that
cold wind. It might've worked, too. The barbed
wire they used was
strong enough, .but the real problem was that a
couple owners of farms on
the upper boarder kept leaving their gates
open.
Jokes number : 24
If you are standing in the main
street of
Amsterdam, and can't see the clock tower of the Central Railway
Station, that means it is raining. If you can see the clock tower, that
means it is about to rain.
street of
Amsterdam, and can't see the clock tower of the Central Railway
Station, that means it is raining. If you can see the clock tower, that
means it is about to rain.
Jokes number : 23
Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in
fair weather?
A) He's got bugs on his teeth.
fair weather?
A) He's got bugs on his teeth.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Jokes number : 22
The Michaels family owned a small farm in
Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had
been the
subject of a minor dispute between the United States and
Canada for
generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her
ninetieth
birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three
grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I
just got some
news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an
agreement with
the people in Washington. They've decided that our
land is really part
of the United States. We have the right to
approve or disapprove of the
agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now
and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of
those Canadian winters!"
Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had
been the
subject of a minor dispute between the United States and
Canada for
generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her
ninetieth
birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three
grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I
just got some
news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an
agreement with
the people in Washington. They've decided that our
land is really part
of the United States. We have the right to
approve or disapprove of the
agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now
and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of
those Canadian winters!"
Jokes number : 21
Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink
on the way home
from a long day in the studio?
The nearest
ISOBAR!!
on the way home
from a long day in the studio?
The nearest
ISOBAR!!
Jokes number : 20
Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with
sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was
completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A
silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the
only
remaining part of the house left above the floor. The rescue
squad rushed
to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting
there in the tub,
talking to herself.
"It was the most amazing
thing ... it was the most amazing thing."
she kept repeating dazedly.
"What was the most amazing thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the
rescuers.
"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did
was
pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly
drain
away."
sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was
completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A
silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the
only
remaining part of the house left above the floor. The rescue
squad rushed
to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting
there in the tub,
talking to herself.
"It was the most amazing
thing ... it was the most amazing thing."
she kept repeating dazedly.
"What was the most amazing thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the
rescuers.
"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did
was
pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly
drain
away."
Jokes number : 15
How does a male lightning bolt feel when he
notices an
attractive female lightning
bolt?
Thunderstruck
notices an
attractive female lightning
bolt?
Thunderstruck
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Jokes number : 1
What are hurricanes with a central dense
overcast over
the eye called?
-Hurricanes with cataracts
overcast over
the eye called?
-Hurricanes with cataracts
Jokes number : 99
What did the
hail storm say to the
roof?
-Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary
sprinkles
hail storm say to the
roof?
-Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary
sprinkles
Friday, April 26, 2013
Jokes number : 98
What did the lightning bolt say to the old oak
tree?
-Hang onto your bark, this will be no ordinary
spark
tree?
-Hang onto your bark, this will be no ordinary
spark
Jokes number : 97
What did the hurricane say to
the palm
tree?
-Hang onto your leaves, this will be no ordinary
breeze
the palm
tree?
-Hang onto your leaves, this will be no ordinary
breeze
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Jokes number : 89
The
Indians asked their Chief in autumn,
if the winter was going to be cold or
not. Not really knowing an
answer, the chief replies that the winter
was going to be cold and
that the members of the village were to collect
wood to be
prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and
called
the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be
cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to
be quite
cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his
people to collect
even more wood to be prepared.
A week later he
called the National Weather Service again, "Is it
going to be a
VERY cold winter?"
"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a
very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders
them to go and find
every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks
later he calls the National
Weather Service again: "Are you absol
utely sure, that the winter is
going to be very
cold?"
"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like
crazy!"
Indians asked their Chief in autumn,
if the winter was going to be cold or
not. Not really knowing an
answer, the chief replies that the winter
was going to be cold and
that the members of the village were to collect
wood to be
prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and
called
the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be
cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to
be quite
cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his
people to collect
even more wood to be prepared.
A week later he
called the National Weather Service again, "Is it
going to be a
VERY cold winter?"
"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a
very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders
them to go and find
every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks
later he calls the National
Weather Service again: "Are you absol
utely sure, that the winter is
going to be very
cold?"
"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like
crazy!"
Jokes number : 88
Rumor has it that the new Miami baseball team
will be called "Humidity" so that fans in Florida will be able to
say, "It's not the Heat that's so bad, it's the Humidity."
will be called "Humidity" so that fans in Florida will be able to
say, "It's not the Heat that's so bad, it's the Humidity."
Jokes number : 87
A tornado walks into a bar and orders a
Hurricane. The bartender asks why he is ordering a Hurricane when he is a
tornado. The tornado responds with, "I am a hurricane induced
tornado".
Hurricane. The bartender asks why he is ordering a Hurricane when he is a
tornado. The tornado responds with, "I am a hurricane induced
tornado".
Jokes number : 83
What did the primary rainbow say to the
secondary rainbow?
-Your pants are on backwards
secondary rainbow?
-Your pants are on backwards
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Jokes number : 79
Why did the Aggie take a golf
club and a
baseball glove storm chasing with him?
-To golf the golf ball
size hail and catch the baseball size hail
club and a
baseball glove storm chasing with him?
-To golf the golf ball
size hail and catch the baseball size hail
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Jokes number : 74
Why can't meteorologists forecast the
weather?
-They are too busy studying comets and meteors
weather?
-They are too busy studying comets and meteors
Jokes number : 72
Why did the tornado get
arrested?
-For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder
arrested?
-For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder
Jokes number : 71
A weather intern walks into
a bar and asks
for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and
gusty cool
air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem
to get
back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice.
Suddenly
the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash
and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap
things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good
at
this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the
rocks.
This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail
stones but
ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar
violently and
break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at
this point he then
orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane.
The bartender after
this request looks up at the guy perplexed and
says, "Sorry fella, we
have no Hurricanes in Kansas".
a bar and asks
for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and
gusty cool
air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem
to get
back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice.
Suddenly
the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash
and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap
things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good
at
this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the
rocks.
This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail
stones but
ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar
violently and
break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at
this point he then
orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane.
The bartender after
this request looks up at the guy perplexed and
says, "Sorry fella, we
have no Hurricanes in Kansas".
Jokes number : 70
In the summer desert heat, what did a dust
devil say
to the over-talkative dust devil?
-You are really
blowing a lot of hot air
devil say
to the over-talkative dust devil?
-You are really
blowing a lot of hot air
Jokes number : 67
The U.S. has only three hurricane warning
centers
- Coral Gables, FL, Guam, and Honolulu, HI (recently
completed). All
three have faced Category 4 hurricanes in the past month.
Which only goes
to show: If you build it, they will come!
centers
- Coral Gables, FL, Guam, and Honolulu, HI (recently
completed). All
three have faced Category 4 hurricanes in the past month.
Which only goes
to show: If you build it, they will come!
Monday, April 22, 2013
Jokes number : 66
I
really don't understand why the federal
government was so slow to send
aid to the areas hit by Hurricane
Andrew. After all, both Florida and
Louisiana have oil.
really don't understand why the federal
government was so slow to send
aid to the areas hit by Hurricane
Andrew. After all, both Florida and
Louisiana have oil.
Jokes number : 65
It was so hot today I saw
a robin picking
earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.
a robin picking
earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.
Jokes number : 63
How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can
see Mt Ranier, it's going to rain. If not, it already is.
see Mt Ranier, it's going to rain. If not, it already is.
Jokes number : 62
First cave man to 2nd cave
man: "I don't
care what you say. We never had such unusual weather
before they
started using bows and arrows."
man: "I don't
care what you say. We never had such unusual weather
before they
started using bows and arrows."
Jokes number : 61
Nate: "Hey, what's the weather like out
there?" Kate: "I
don't know. I'll tell you when it clears."
there?" Kate: "I
don't know. I'll tell you when it clears."
Jokes number : 60
Why did the lady go out
doors with her
purse open? Because she expected some change in the
weather.
doors with her
purse open? Because she expected some change in the
weather.
Jokes number : 59
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm
day which
follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.
day which
follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Jokes number : 57
Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach
in the pouring
rain. One looks skywards and says, "So this is
England. What's it
like?" The other snarls, "Well, if you like the
weather, you'll love
the food."
in the pouring
rain. One looks skywards and says, "So this is
England. What's it
like?" The other snarls, "Well, if you like the
weather, you'll love
the food."
Jokes number : 56
There was a communist
named Rudolph. One
day he looked out the window and said, "It looks like a
storm is
coming." "No it isn't," said his wife. "Besides, how
would you know?"
"Because," he responded, "Rudolph the Red knows rain,
dear."
named Rudolph. One
day he looked out the window and said, "It looks like a
storm is
coming." "No it isn't," said his wife. "Besides, how
would you know?"
"Because," he responded, "Rudolph the Red knows rain,
dear."
Jokes number : 54
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Fred
looking out of the kitchen
window.
"I know," said his
mother.
"I've just stepped in a poodle!"
looking out of the kitchen
window.
"I know," said his
mother.
"I've just stepped in a poodle!"
Jokes number : 53
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual
morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio.
"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow
emergency has
been declared," the weather report said.
"You must
park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."
Ole said,
"Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they
were
sitting down with their morning cups of coffee.
The weather forecast
was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today,
and a snow
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the
even numbered
side of the streets."
Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got
up from his coffee. Two days
later, again they're sitting down
with their cups of coffee and the
weather forecast said, "There will
be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a
snow emergency has been
declared. You must park your cars on the..."
and the power went out
and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions.
He turned
to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena
replied, "Aw,
Ole, just leave the car in the damned garage
today."
morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio.
"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow
emergency has
been declared," the weather report said.
"You must
park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."
Ole said,
"Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they
were
sitting down with their morning cups of coffee.
The weather forecast
was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today,
and a snow
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the
even numbered
side of the streets."
Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got
up from his coffee. Two days
later, again they're sitting down
with their cups of coffee and the
weather forecast said, "There will
be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a
snow emergency has been
declared. You must park your cars on the..."
and the power went out
and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions.
He turned
to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena
replied, "Aw,
Ole, just leave the car in the damned garage
today."
Jokes number : 51
Why do hurricanes
travel so
fast?
Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them
slow-i-canes.
travel so
fast?
Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them
slow-i-canes.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Jokes number : 50
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy
days?
Because then the children have to play inside.
days?
Because then the children have to play inside.
Jokes number : 48
If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who
is most likely to get hit by lightning?
The conductor.
is most likely to get hit by lightning?
The conductor.
Jokes number : 45
Why is it so wet in Great Britain?
Because
of all the kings and queens that reigned (rained) there.
Because
of all the kings and queens that reigned (rained) there.
Jokes number : 44
If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather,
what does he raise in wet weather?
An umbrella.
what does he raise in wet weather?
An umbrella.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Jokes number : 41
If six children and two dogs were under
an
umbrella, how come none of them got wet?
Because it wasn't
raining.
an
umbrella, how come none of them got wet?
Because it wasn't
raining.
Jokes number : 40
A man was
driving a black truck. His
lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady
was crossing the
street. How did the man see her?
It was a bright, sunny day.
driving a black truck. His
lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady
was crossing the
street. How did the man see her?
It was a bright, sunny day.
Jokes number : 39
A city boy was
on his first camping trip.
He was eating his lunch under a tree when an
old-timer came
along.
'It smells like rain,' he said to the boy.
The city boy
replied, 'They said it was lemonade.'
on his first camping trip.
He was eating his lunch under a tree when an
old-timer came
along.
'It smells like rain,' he said to the boy.
The city boy
replied, 'They said it was lemonade.'
Jokes number : 38
How did you find the weather at camp?
It
was easy. I just went outside - and there it was!
It
was easy. I just went outside - and there it was!
Jokes number : 37
Waiter, this coffee
tastes like
dirt!
Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.
tastes like
dirt!
Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.
Jokes number : 36
Waiter! Waiter! This salad is
frozen
solid.
Yes, sir. It's the iceberg lettuce that does it.
frozen
solid.
Yes, sir. It's the iceberg lettuce that does it.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Jokes number : 32
"Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "How dare
you serve me this!
There's a damn TWIG in my soup!"
"My
apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch
manager."
you serve me this!
There's a damn TWIG in my soup!"
"My
apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch
manager."
Jokes number : 31
Sir you
haven't touched your
custard.
I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampoline
!
haven't touched your
custard.
I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampoline
!
Jokes number : 30
Waiter, can you get rid of this fly in my
starter !
I can't do that sir, he's not had his main course yet
!
starter !
I can't do that sir, he's not had his main course yet
!
Jokes number : 29
Waiter, there
is a frog in my soup
!
Don't worry sir there isn't enough there to drown him !
is a frog in my soup
!
Don't worry sir there isn't enough there to drown him !
Jokes number : 28
Waiter, there is a
dead fly in my soup
!
No its not, it's a piece of dirt that looks like one !
dead fly in my soup
!
No its not, it's a piece of dirt that looks like one !
Jokes number : 27
Waiter, what's this bug
doing waltzing
around my table !
It's the band, sir, they are playing his tune !
doing waltzing
around my table !
It's the band, sir, they are playing his tune !
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Jokes number : 26
Waiter, what is this creepy-crawly doing in my
salad?
Not him again, he's in here every night !
salad?
Not him again, he's in here every night !
Jokes number : 25
Waiter, there is a fly in my bean soup
!
Don't worry sir I'll fish him out and exchange it for a bean
!
!
Don't worry sir I'll fish him out and exchange it for a bean
!
Jokes number : 23
Waiter, I can't eat this
meat, it's
crawling with maggots !
Quick, run to the other end of the table and grab
it as it goes by
!
meat, it's
crawling with maggots !
Quick, run to the other end of the table and grab
it as it goes by
!
Jokes number : 21
Waiter, there is a bee in my
alphabet soup
!
Yes sir, and I'm sure there is an A, C and all the other letters
too
!
alphabet soup
!
Yes sir, and I'm sure there is an A, C and all the other letters
too
!
Jokes number : 19
Waiter, are there
snails on the menu
!
Yes sir, they must have escaped from the kitchen !
snails on the menu
!
Yes sir, they must have escaped from the kitchen !
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Jokes number : 16
Waiter,
there is a fly in my soup !
Yes
sir, thats the manager, the last customer was a witch doctor
!
there is a fly in my soup !
Yes
sir, thats the manager, the last customer was a witch doctor
!
Jokes number : 15
Waiter, there is a fly in my wine !
Well you
did ask for something with a little body in it!
Well you
did ask for something with a little body in it!
Jokes number : 13
Waiter, there is a
spider drowning in my
soup !
It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir !
spider drowning in my
soup !
It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir !
Jokes number : 12
Waiter, there is
a maggot in my soup
!
Don't worry sir, he won't last long in there !
a maggot in my soup
!
Don't worry sir, he won't last long in there !
Jokes number : 11
Waiter, there is a cockroach on my
steak
!
They don't seem to care what they eat do they sir !
steak
!
They don't seem to care what they eat do they sir !
Monday, April 15, 2013
Jokes number : 8
Waiter, Waiter there's a fly in
my
ice-cream !
Gee I did not know that they had started winter sports so early
in the
year !
my
ice-cream !
Gee I did not know that they had started winter sports so early
in the
year !
Jokes number : 6
Q: How many Waiters does it
take to change
a light bulb?
A: None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a
waiters eye
take to change
a light bulb?
A: None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a
waiters eye
Jokes number : 5
Waiter: Why didn't you make all the food on
that long order?
Cook: Because I'm a short order cook.
that long order?
Cook: Because I'm a short order cook.
Jokes number : 4
Waiter: Why are you taking so long
to
order?
Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.
to
order?
Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.
Jokes number : 3
Waiter: I'm
sorry to keep you waiting.
Your soup will be ready soon.
Customer: What bait are you using?
sorry to keep you waiting.
Your soup will be ready soon.
Customer: What bait are you using?
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Jokes number : 2
Waiter: I'm sorry
I spilled a glass of
water on you.
Diner: That's all right. My suit is too large anyway.
I spilled a glass of
water on you.
Diner: That's all right. My suit is too large anyway.
Jokes number : 1
Waiter: If you know the
food here is so
lousy, why do you keep coming back?
Customer: It reminds me of my
ex-wife's cooking.
food here is so
lousy, why do you keep coming back?
Customer: It reminds me of my
ex-wife's cooking.
Jokes number : 100
Waiter (serving soup): It looks like rain
today.
Patron: Yes it does, but it smells like soup.
today.
Patron: Yes it does, but it smells like soup.
Jokes number : 99
Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider
in my
glass?
Waiter: It scares away the flies.
in my
glass?
Waiter: It scares away the flies.
Jokes number : 97
Patron: How come
this fly is swimming in my
soup?
Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.
this fly is swimming in my
soup?
Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.
Jokes number : 96
Patron: Hey, there's a fly in my
soup!
Waiter: Why are you complaining? Isn't it cooked?
soup!
Waiter: Why are you complaining? Isn't it cooked?
Jokes number : 95
Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here
cooked for the late heads of Europe?
Waiter: Yes, and that's why
they are the late heads of
Europe.
cooked for the late heads of Europe?
Waiter: Yes, and that's why
they are the late heads of
Europe.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Jokes number : 94
Diner: Why are the
waiters in here so
nasty?
Waiter: Look at who they have to serve.
waiters in here so
nasty?
Waiter: Look at who they have to serve.
Jokes number : 93
Diner: What's wrong with these eggs I
ordered?
Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.
ordered?
Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.
Jokes number : 92
Diner:
Waitress, the portions are getting
smaller.
Waiter: It's just an optical illusion. It's just that the
restaurant
has been enlarged.
Waitress, the portions are getting
smaller.
Waiter: It's just an optical illusion. It's just that the
restaurant
has been enlarged.
Jokes number : 91
Diner: Waiter, please
close the
window.
Waiter: Why, is there a draft?
Diner: Yes, it's blown my steak off
the plate three times.
close the
window.
Waiter: Why, is there a draft?
Diner: Yes, it's blown my steak off
the plate three times.
Jokes number : 90
Diner: May I please have a glass of
water?
Waiter: Why, are you thirsty?
Diner: No, I want to see if my neck
leaks.
water?
Waiter: Why, are you thirsty?
Diner: No, I want to see if my neck
leaks.
Jokes number : 89
Diner: Could I have a glass
of
water?
Waiter: To drink?
Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.
of
water?
Waiter: To drink?
Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.
Jokes number : 88
Customer: Why is this
sandwich half eaten?
Waiter: I didn't have time to finish it.
sandwich half eaten?
Waiter: I didn't have time to finish it.
Jokes number : 87
Customer: Why don't you have doggie
bags?
Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.
bags?
Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Jokes number : 86
Customer: Why don't you eat here,
waiter?
Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don't want to compound the
felony.
waiter?
Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don't want to compound the
felony.
Jokes number : 85
Customer: Why doesn't your menu list
prices?
Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food
does.
prices?
Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food
does.
Jokes number : 84
Customer: Why doesn't this
restaurant have
any specials?
Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.
restaurant have
any specials?
Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.
Jokes number : 82
Customer: What is this fly
doing in my
alphabet soup?
Waiter: Probably learning to read.
doing in my
alphabet soup?
Waiter: Probably learning to read.
Jokes number : 81
Customer:
Waiter, this food is repeating on
me.
Waiter: Good, we love repeat business.
Waiter, this food is repeating on
me.
Waiter: Good, we love repeat business.
Jokes number : 80
Customer: Waiter, there's a button in my
salad.
Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.
salad.
Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.
Jokes number : 79
Customer: Waiter, look at this chicken! It's
nothing but skin and
bones.
Waiter: Would you like the feathers,
too?
nothing but skin and
bones.
Waiter: Would you like the feathers,
too?
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Jokes number : 78
Customer: Waiter, I found a hair in
my
turtle soup.
Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got
together.
my
turtle soup.
Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got
together.
Jokes number : 77
Customer: Waiter, I
can't eat this
meal.
Waiter: Why not? It looks all right to me.
Customer: I don't have
a fork.
can't eat this
meal.
Waiter: Why not? It looks all right to me.
Customer: I don't have
a fork.
Jokes number : 76
Customer: This fish
isn't as good as what
I ordered here last month.
Waiter: That's funny. It's from the
same fish.
isn't as good as what
I ordered here last month.
Waiter: That's funny. It's from the
same fish.
Jokes number : 75
Customer: There's something wrong with my hot
dogs.
Waiter: Sorry, I'm a waiter, not a veterinarian.
dogs.
Waiter: Sorry, I'm a waiter, not a veterinarian.
Jokes number : 74
Customer: That crust on
the apple pie was
too tough.
Waiter: That wasn't the crust, that was the pie plate.
the apple pie was
too tough.
Waiter: That wasn't the crust, that was the pie plate.
Jokes number : 73
Customer: I thought the
meals here were
supposed to be like mother used to make.
Waiter: They are. She
couldn't cook either.
meals here were
supposed to be like mother used to make.
Waiter: They are. She
couldn't cook either.
Jokes number : 71
Customer: How long must I wait
for that
turtle soup I ordered?
Waiter: Well, you know how slow turtles are.
for that
turtle soup I ordered?
Waiter: Well, you know how slow turtles are.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Jokes number : 70
Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn't
come in and closed you up?
Waiter: They're afraid to eat
here.
come in and closed you up?
Waiter: They're afraid to eat
here.
Jokes number : 69
Customer: Do you have
bacon and eggs on the
menu:
Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.
bacon and eggs on the
menu:
Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.
Jokes number : 68
Waiter,
waiter! There's a wasp in my
dessert.
So that's where they go to in the winter.
waiter! There's a wasp in my
dessert.
So that's where they go to in the winter.
Jokes number : 67
"Waiter, waiter,there's a hand in my
soup."
"That's not your soup, sir, that's your finger bowl."
soup."
"That's not your soup, sir, that's your finger bowl."
Jokes number : 66
Waiter,
waiter, this lobster's only got
one claw.
It must have been in a fight, sir.
Then bring me the
winner.
waiter, this lobster's only got
one claw.
It must have been in a fight, sir.
Then bring me the
winner.
Jokes number : 65
I say waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!
Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!
Jokes number : 64
Waiter, waiter! There's a mosquito in my
soup.
Don't worry sir, mosquitoes have very small appetites !
soup.
Don't worry sir, mosquitoes have very small appetites !
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Jokes number : 61
Why do waiters prefer
elephants to flies?
Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a elephant in their soup?
.
elephants to flies?
Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a elephant in their soup?
.
Jokes number : 60
Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy crawly
thing doing in my dinner?
Oh, that one ? he comes here every
night.
thing doing in my dinner?
Oh, that one ? he comes here every
night.
Jokes number : 59
Waiter, waiter!
There's a spider in my
soup. Send for the manager! It's no good, sir,
he's frightened of
them, too.
There's a spider in my
soup. Send for the manager! It's no good, sir,
he's frightened of
them, too.
Jokes number : 58
Waiter, waiter!
There's a dead spider in
my soup.
Yes, ma'am, they can't stand the boiling water.
There's a dead spider in
my soup.
Yes, ma'am, they can't stand the boiling water.
Jokes number : 57
How
many waiters does it take to change a
light bulb?
None, a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.
many waiters does it take to change a
light bulb?
None, a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.
Jokes number : 56
Waiter: These are the best eggs we've had for
years.
Diner: Well, bring me some you haven't had around for that
long.
years.
Diner: Well, bring me some you haven't had around for that
long.
Jokes number : 55
And how did you find your steak sir?
Well,
quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it
was
Well,
quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it
was
Monday, April 8, 2013
Jokes number : 53
Waiter, I can't seem to
find any oysters
in this oyster soup.
Would you expect to find angels in angel
cake?
find any oysters
in this oyster soup.
Would you expect to find angels in angel
cake?
Jokes number : 52
Waiter, what is this stuff?
That's bean
salad sir.
I know what it's been, but what is it now?
That's bean
salad sir.
I know what it's been, but what is it now?
Jokes number : 51
Waiter, I'd like a cup of coffee,
please,
with no cream.
I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about
with no
milk?
please,
with no cream.
I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about
with no
milk?
Jokes number : 47
Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes
sir, it's the hot water that kills them.
Yes
sir, it's the hot water that kills them.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Jokes number : 46
Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my
soup!
Then we've served you too much soup, the fly should be
wading
soup!
Then we've served you too much soup, the fly should be
wading
Jokes number : 45
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Surely
not, sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much
about.
Surely
not, sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much
about.
Jokes number : 44
Waiter, there is a
fly in my soup!
Sorry
sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
fly in my soup!
Sorry
sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
Jokes number : 42
Waiter, there's a
fly in my
soup!
Couldn't be, sir. The cook used them all in the raisin
bread.
fly in my
soup!
Couldn't be, sir. The cook used them all in the raisin
bread.
Jokes number : 41
Waiter, there's a fly in my
soup!
Force
of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.
soup!
Force
of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Jokes number : 38
Waiter,
there's a fly in my soup!
No
sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
there's a fly in my soup!
No
sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
Jokes number : 37
Waiter, there's a fly in my
soup!
Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
soup!
Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
Jokes number : 34
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender
asks,
"What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck,
"Water".
asks,
"What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck,
"Water".
Jokes number : 33
Look over there! Said the frightened
skunk to his pal.
"There's a human with a gun, and he's getting
closer and closer!
What are we going to do?"
To which the second
skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."
skunk to his pal.
"There's a human with a gun, and he's getting
closer and closer!
What are we going to do?"
To which the second
skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."
Jokes number : 32
A man
moved to a mountain top to
get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day
he heard a knock at the
door and no one was there but then he looked
down and there sat a
snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I
come in?" the man
shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to
be alone!" and
he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later
there was a
knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked
down and
there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that
for?"
moved to a mountain top to
get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day
he heard a knock at the
door and no one was there but then he looked
down and there sat a
snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I
come in?" the man
shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to
be alone!" and
he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later
there was a
knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked
down and
there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that
for?"
Jokes number : 31
A lion was getting rather old and slow
and having difficulty
catching its prey. It decided it needed a
disguise so that other
animals did not know it was a lion and would
not run away. So it goes into a
fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla
suit. It then heads for a watering
hole to see if it can catch
something with its new disguise. On the way
it comes across two eagles
sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi
Mr. Lion!" The other
said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The
lion, rather
frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The
eagles then started
to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
and having difficulty
catching its prey. It decided it needed a
disguise so that other
animals did not know it was a lion and would
not run away. So it goes into a
fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla
suit. It then heads for a watering
hole to see if it can catch
something with its new disguise. On the way
it comes across two eagles
sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi
Mr. Lion!" The other
said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The
lion, rather
frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The
eagles then started
to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
Friday, April 5, 2013
Jokes number : 30
This little snail bought a little car
and took it to the body
shop to have it painted. The service man
asked him exactly what he
wanted done, and the snail said he wanted
little S's painted all around
and all over his car. The service man
asked him why, and the snail
answered "When people see me in my car
I want them to say, look at that
S-Car-Go!"
and took it to the body
shop to have it painted. The service man
asked him exactly what he
wanted done, and the snail said he wanted
little S's painted all around
and all over his car. The service man
asked him why, and the snail
answered "When people see me in my car
I want them to say, look at that
S-Car-Go!"
Jokes number : 29
One day there was a tortoise walking on
the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the
tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to
him so he
challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly
accepted his
challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never
finished the race
because they both took a nap right before the
finish line. So the
tortoise is still the champion of the race. So
remember this you snooze you
loose!
the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the
tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to
him so he
challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly
accepted his
challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never
finished the race
because they both took a nap right before the
finish line. So the
tortoise is still the champion of the race. So
remember this you snooze you
loose!
Jokes number : 27
One day Mullah was beating his donkey
in a remote place. A man saw
him and asked: why are you beating the
poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah,
is it a member of your family?
in a remote place. A man saw
him and asked: why are you beating the
poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah,
is it a member of your family?
Jokes number : 26
Mama bear to Papa bear:
"Well... You
might call it hibernating -- I call it 'goofing
off'."
"Well... You
might call it hibernating -- I call it 'goofing
off'."
Jokes number : 25
A hungry lion was
roaming through
the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men. One
was sitting under a tree reading a book;
the other was typing away
on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on
the man reading the
book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that
readers digest, and writers
cramp.
roaming through
the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men. One
was sitting under a tree reading a book;
the other was typing away
on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on
the man reading the
book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that
readers digest, and writers
cramp.
Jokes number : 24
Exasperated dragon on the field of
battle:
"Mother said there would be knights like this."
battle:
"Mother said there would be knights like this."
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Jokes number : 19
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce
Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he'd beat
her with a shovel!
Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he'd beat
her with a shovel!
Jokes number : 17
What would you get if you crossed a
grizzly with
the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear
Jordan.
grizzly with
the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear
Jordan.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Jokes number : 13
There was once a puppy called
May
who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she
was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June.
Why ? Because that was the end of May!
May
who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she
was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June.
Why ? Because that was the end of May!
Jokes number : 12
Did you hear about the
boy who was
told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought
the teacher had said lions.
boy who was
told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought
the teacher had said lions.
Jokes number : 8
What do you get if you cross a bottle
of water
with an electric eel?
A bit of a shock really!
of water
with an electric eel?
A bit of a shock really!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Jokes number : 1
Why don't whales eat sushi very
often?
Of course whales like sushi. It's just those itty-bitty chop
sticks
that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
often?
Of course whales like sushi. It's just those itty-bitty chop
sticks
that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Jokes number : 97
What kind of noise annoys an oyster ?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)
A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)
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