Jokes number : 42

Q: Why did the T-Rex eat

hamburgers?
A: Because he is a meat eater!

Jokes number : 41

Q: Why did the Apatosaurus devour the
factory?
A: Because she was a plant eater!

Jokes number : 40

Q: What was the most flexiest dinosaur?
A:
Tyrannosaurus Flex.

Jokes number : 39

Q: What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's
Dog?
A: Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.

Jokes number : 38

Q: What do you call a Blind Dinosaur?
A:
Do-ya-think-he-saurus.

Jokes number : 37

Q: What do you get when you put a bomb

and a dinosaur together?
A: Dino-mite.

Jokes number : 36

Q: Why didn't the T-rex
skeleton attack
the museum visitors?
A: Because she had no guts!

Jokes number : 35

Q: What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur
with
headphones on?
A: Anything you want. He can't hear you.

Jokes number : 34

Q5: How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch?
A:
Tea Rex?

Jokes number : 33

Q4: What is the head of an Italian dinosaur

family called?
A: Ptera Don

Jokes number : 32

Q3: What did the female dinosaur call her
blouse making
business?
A: Try Sara's Tops

Jokes number : 31

Q2: What kind of materials do dinosaurs use
for the
floor of their homes?
A: Rep Tiles

Jokes number : 30

Q1: What vehicle does
T-Rex use to go
from planet to planet?
A: A Dinosaucer

Jokes number : 29

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A:
Because the chicken wasn't invented yet.

Jokes number : 28

"Did you get
your money?" ask the wife of
the dentist who had just return from the
delinquent patient's
home.
"Not a cent," growled the dentist, "and worse than that, he
insulted
me, and gnashed my teeth at me!"

Jokes number : 27

Dentist: "You don't need to open your mouth
any
wider. When I pull your tooth I expect to stand outside."

Jokes number : 26

A man went to his dentist because he feels

something wrong in his mouth.
The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for
you six months ago is eroding.
What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is
that about four months ago my
wife made some asparagus and put some
stuff on it that was delicious
... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so
much I now put it on everything ---
meat, toast, fish, vegetables,
everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollandaise
sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly
corrosive.
It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new
plate, and this
time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the
patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's
simple. Everyone knows that
... there's no plate like chrome for the
Hollandaise!"

Jokes number : 25

What to do you call an old dentist?
A bit
long in the tooth

Jokes number : 24

Pardon me for a moment,
please," said the
dentist to the victim, "but before beginning this
work I must have
my drill."
"Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably.
"Can't you
pull a tooth without a rehearsal?"

Jokes number : 23

Papa, why is it that dentists call their
offices dental parlors?"
"Because they are drawing-rooms, my son."

Jokes number : 22

Patient:Do you extract teeth
painlessly?
Dentis: "Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my
wrist

Jokes number : 21

believe that the members of the dental

profession are the only men who can tell a women to open or close her
mouth and
get away with it.

Jokes number : 20

Gerald: "Have you ever come across a man who,
at the
slightest touch, caused you to thrill and tremble in every
fiber of your
being?"
Mabel: "Yes, the dentist."

Jokes number : 19

A patient asked the dentist, if it
wasn't
nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.
The
dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their

wallet."

Jokes number : 18

What's worse
than having your doctor tell
you that you have VD?
Having your dentist tell you.

Jokes number : 17

Patient: How much to
have this tooth
pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.

Patient:
Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.

Without
anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the

tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!

Hey, WITH pain it
costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.

Jokes number : 16

Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth

straightened?"
"Twenty thousand bucks" Patient heads for the
door.
Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?"
"To a plastic
surgeon to get my mouth bent."

Jokes number : 15

Young
lady to father "Daddy, when I grow
up shall I become a heart-doctor or
a tooth-doctor "
"Dentist"
"Why father ?" "We have only one heart, but 32
teeth!"

Jokes number : 14

Young Charlie
to dentist's sexy chariside
assistant "Aha ! Are you the lady
orthodontist ?".
The lady
replied "No, but I'll straighten anyone's teeth "

Jokes number : 13

Dentist to parsimonious patient "No, we give
no discount for empty
spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs.
Borde!"

Jokes number : 12

Dentist: Just
let me finish and you will
be another man after these cosmetic
procedures.
Patient: Okay
doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other
man.

Jokes number : 11

Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever

loved.
Assistant: Why don't you marry her?
Dentist: I can't
afford to. She's my best patient.

Jokes number : 10

Patient:
Doctor, I am very nervous. You
know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist: Don't worry, it's
my first extraction too.

Jokes number : 9

"I came in to make an appointment with the
dentist." said
the man to the receptionist." "I'm sorry sir." she
replied. "He's
out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the
obviously
nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again
?"

Jokes number : 8

While I was
waiting to see the dentist, a
woman came out of his inner office
smiling. Nodding to me, she
said, "Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm
so glad to have found
a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and
understanding too."
When seated in the dentist chair, I related the
incident to the
doctor. He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my
Mother."

Jokes number : 7

"Open wider."
requested the dentist, as he
began his examination of the patient. "Good God
!" he said
startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen
- the biggest
cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the
patient. "I'm scared
enough without you saying something like that twice."
"I didn't !"
said the dentist. "That was the echo."

Jokes number : 6

Anyone know the six most frightening words in

the world ??? "The Dentist will see you now."

Jokes number : 5

What did the tooth say to the departing

dentist?...Fill me in when you get back

Jokes number : 4

What did the dentist say to the

computer?...This won't hurt a byte

Jokes number : 3

Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary
out?...He was
already taking out a tooth

Jokes number : 2

Where does the dentist get his gas?...At the

filling station

Jokes number : 1

What was the dentist doing in
Panama?...Looking
for the Root Canal

Jokes number : 100

What did the dentist see at the
North
Pole?...A molar bear

Jokes number : 99

What does a dentist do on a
roller
coaster?...He braces himself

Jokes number : 98

What game did the dentist play
when she
was a child?...Caps and robbers

Jokes number : 97

Did you hear about the dentist who planted a
garden?...
A month later he was picking his teeth

Jokes number : 96

What time is it when you have to go to the

dentist ?
Tooth Hurty !

Jokes number : 95

What do you call a dentist in the army ?
A
drill sergeant !

Jokes number : 94

What do you call the Scottish dentist
?
Phil McCavity !

Jokes number : 93

What is a dentist's office?
A filling
station.

Jokes number : 92

Why do people dislike going to
the
dentist?
Because he is boring.

Jokes number : 91

What is a drill team?
A group of dentists
who work together.

Jokes number : 90

Why do dentists like
potatoes?
Because
they are so filling.

Jokes number : 89

Why does a dentist seem moody?
Because he
always looks down in the mouth.

Jokes number : 88

What did the dentist say to the
golfer?
"You have a hole in one. "

Jokes number : 87

At what time do most people go to the
dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).

Jokes number : 86

I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted

yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's
right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre
with a friend?
That was my dentist.

Jokes number : 85

Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist

complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out.


After examining him, the dentist said, "Your mouth is really bad. Do

you brush?"

"Ah sure do!" replied Cloyd. "Everee single day!"


"What do you brush with?" asked the dentist,


"Preparation H," said the redneck.

Jokes number : 84

Father: Don't you feel better now
that
you've gone to the dentist?
Son: Sure do. He wasn't in.

Jokes number : 83

Patient: Hey, that tooth
you pulled
wasn't the one I wanted pulled.
Dentist: Relax, I'm coming to it.

Jokes number : 82

Patient: Doc, what should I do with all the
gold
and silver in my mouth?
Dentist: Don't smile in a bad
neighborhood.

Jokes number : 81

Dentist: Don't worry. I'm
painless.
Patient: I'm not.

Jokes number : 80

I'm suffering from bad breath
You should
do something about it!
I did.
I just sent my wife to the
dentist.

Jokes number : 79

Who has
the most dangerous job in
Transylvania?
Dracula's dentist.

Jokes number : 78

Why was the man arrested for looking at sets
of dentures in a dentist's
window?
Because it was against the
law to pick your teeth in public.

Jokes number : 77

As the judge said to the dentist: Do you

swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the

tooth?

Jokes number : 76

Why are you laughing?
My dentist just
pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh
about in that.

But it was the wrong one!

Jokes number : 75

Nigel: You said
the school dentist would
be painless, but he wasn't.
Teacher: Did he hurt you?
Nigel:
No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.

Jokes number : 74

Fred's mother was on the
telephone to the
boy's dentist. "I don't understand it," she
complained, "I
thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you've
charged me
$80."
"It is usually $20, ma'am," agreed the dentist, "but Fred yelled
so
loudly that three of my other patients ran away!"

Jokes number : 73

Monster: Doctor, doctor, I'm a blood-sucking
monster
and I keep needing to eat doctors.
Doctor: Oh what a
shame. I'm a dentist.

Jokes number : 72

What did the
werewolf eat after he'd had
his teeth taken out?
The dentist.

Jokes number : 71

How many dentists does it take to change a

light bulb?
Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to
extract the light
bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink
mouthwash.

Jokes number : 70

Why did the dentist
make a poor date with
the manicurist?
Because they fought both tooth and nail!

Jokes number : 69

What does
the dentist of the year get?...A
little plaque.

Jokes number : 68

"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge
you hundred dollars for
pulling your boy's tooth."
"Hundred
dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only
twenty
dollars for such work!"
"Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster
yelled so terribly
that he scared out four other patients out of
the office."

Jokes number : 67

Patient: "It must be
tough spending all
day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it
as having my hands in their
wallet."

Jokes number : 66

Dentist begging the patient: Could you help
me?
Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful
screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist:
There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I
don't
want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.

Jokes number : 65

Why do cemeteries have fences around

them?
Because people are dying to get in.

Jokes number : 64

A man was sitting in the electric

chair. The executioner said, "Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to

throw the switch in a minute."
The man said, "Do me a favor and
throw it out the window!"

Jokes number : 63

Question: What
did the dead raccoon
say in his will?
Answer: "Leave it to Beaver."

Jokes number : 62

Phoning the florist to order some

flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked

what message she wanted on the card. "Message?" she sputtered.

"Well, I guess, 'You will be missed."' Visiting the funeral home, she
was
pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that
the card
had her exact words: "I guess you will be missed."

Jokes number : 61

This elderly Newfoundland
fisherman
is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well

boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at

sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front

page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought
in
Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three

Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is
believed
all wished to be buried at sea."

Jokes number : 60

An English guy was very ill and his son

went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to

breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last
ounce
of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.


The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping

the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of

his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it
thinking it
might be something he could recite during the service. It
said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN TUBE!!!

Jokes number : 59

A man is fibbing
away about how
great things are in his country. Finally, he starts
describing the
tall buildings in his country.

"There is a building so tall, it
took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall
off it!"

"Oh, my God!"
says his friend. "Surely he must have died!"

"Of course. He was
without food or water for 3 days!"

Jokes number : 58

Teacher: What can you tell me about the
Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead ?, I didn't even know he was sick !

Jokes number : 57

A chap went up to the counter in the
library
and said, "Have you got any books about committing
suicide?"

The librarian said, "Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on
the
middle shelf."

The chap came back a few moments later and
said, "I can't find any at
all."

The librarian replied,
"Yes, it's awful. They never bring 'em
back!"

Jokes number : 56

"Do you
believe in life after
death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir," the new
employee replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine,"
the boss went on.
"After you left early yesterday to go to your
grandmother's funeral, she
stopped in to see you."

Jokes number : 55

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal

raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has

left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He
sees the
cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As
he reaches
for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks
his and she
yells:
"No, you can't have those! They're for the
funeral!"

Jokes number : 54

There was a great loss today in the
entertainment world. The
man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died.
What was really horrible is
that they had trouble keeping the body in
the casket.

They put his left leg in....

Well, you know
the rest.

Jokes number : 53

Three weeks after her wedding
day,
Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I
had
a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's
not half as bad as
you think it is. Every marriage has to have its
first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going
to do with the
BODY?"

Jokes number : 52

Q: What is the
definition of
Death?
A: When you stop paying taxes suddenly.

Jokes number : 51

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup

!
Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !

Jokes number : 50

What are you doing?
I'm trying to
call Washington!
Oh, haven't you heard? He's dead!

Jokes number : 49

Why was George Washington buried at
Mount Vernon ?
Because he was dead !

Jokes number : 48

When a knight in armour was killed in
battle, what sign did they put on
his grave ?
Rust in peace !

Jokes number : 47

Why did the cowboy
die with his
boots on ?
Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the
bucket
!

Jokes number : 46

What is posthumous work ?
Something
written by someone after they are dead !

Jokes number : 45

What did the little kid do with the
dead
battery?
He buried it.

Jokes number : 44

What is the last thing you eat before

you die?
You bite the dust.

Jokes number : 43

I've been e-mailing William
Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare's dead, silly.
No wonder he hasn't
replied.

Jokes number : 42

Vampire 1: "I once went so long without
fresh blood that I
nearly died."
Vampire 2: "How awful!"

Vampire 1: "Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of
time."

Jokes number : 41

If a woman is born in Italy, grows up
in
England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is
she?
Dead.

Jokes number : 40

A monster and a zombie went into a

funeral home. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who
has
just died,' said the monster.
'Certainly ma'am,' said the
undertaker, 'but there was really no
need to bring her with
you.'

Jokes number : 39

My brother's a professional boxer.
Heavyweight ?
No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death !

Jokes number : 38

How do you make a Venetian
blind?
Poke him in the eye

Jokes number : 37

What kind of ghosts haunt operating
theatres?
Surgical spirits.

Jokes number : 36

Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door!

Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you

through.

Jokes number : 35

"Why are you crying Fred?" asked the

teacher. "
'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk. .
."
"Fred," said the teacher. "You must have known that Wisk's bad
for
parrots."
"Oh it wasn't the Wisk that killed it, sir. It
was the tumble
drier."

Jokes number : 34

A man
is calling on his best friend
to pay a condolence call the day after the
friend's wife has died.


When he knocks on the door, he gets no answer, so he decides to
go in
and see if everything is all right. Upon entering the house,
the man
discovers his friend in the living room kissing a
mate.

"Jack", says the man, "Your wife just died yesterday!!" His friend

looks up and says, "In this grief, do you think I know what I'm

doing?"

Jokes number : 33

At the inquest
into her husband's
death by food poisoning Mrs Wally was asked by the
coroner if she
could remember her husband's last words.
"Yes," she replied. "He
said 'I don't know how that shop can make
a profit from selling
this salmon at only 20 cents a tin..."

Jokes number : 32

A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher
were
sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from
his cell
and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The
soldiers
panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The
shopkeeper was led
out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted
"Flood!" and escaped. The
teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim
and the teacher,
remenbering how the other two had escaped, shouted
"Fire!"

Jokes number : 31

The man who
was about to die said
to the Sheriff,
"Say, do I really have to die swinging from a tree?"

"Course not," replied the Sheriff.
"We just put the rope round
your neck and kick the horse away. After
that it's up to you."

Jokes number : 30

Did you hear someone has invented a

coffin that just covers the head?
It's for people like you who're
dead from the neck up!

Jokes number : 29

A monster and a zombie went
into
the undertaker's. "I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of
mine
who has just died," said the monster. "Certainly, sir," said the

undertaker, "but there was really no need to bring him with you."

Jokes number : 28

I was so sorry
to hear you buried
your mother last week.
Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.

Jokes number : 27

Why do you want to be buried at sea?

Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

Jokes number : 26

Did you
hear about the undertaker
who buried someone in the wrong place and was
sacked for the grave
mistake?

Jokes number : 25

Did you hear about the do-it-yourself

funeral?
They just loosen the earth and you sink down by
yourself.

Jokes number : 24

Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk,

and I swatted one, how many flies would be left?
Girl: One - the
dead one!

Jokes number : 23

Why did the monster
take a dead man
for a drive in his car?
Because he was a car-case.

Jokes number : 22

Waiter, waiter! There's a
dead fly
in my soup.
Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?

Jokes number : 21

Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the
waist down.
I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.

Jokes number : 20

If a man was born in England, raised in

America and died in Spain, what does that make him?
Dead.

Jokes number : 19

Did you hear about the two men who were

cremated at the same time?
It was a dead heat.

Jokes number : 18

Did you hear about the man
who left
his job at the mortuary?
It was a dead end job.

Jokes number : 17

First ghoul: You don't look too well
today.
Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.

Jokes number : 16

Where do ghosts go for their holidays?

The Dead Sea.

Jokes number : 15

What do you find in a zombie's veins?

Dead blood corpuscles.

Jokes number : 14

What's a zombie's favorite pop song?

Dead sails in the sunset.

Jokes number : 13

What do you call a man who has been
dead and buried for
thousands of years?
Pete.

Jokes number : 12

What has four legs, a tail,

whiskers and flies?
A dead cat.

Jokes number : 11

What is the difference between a
musician and a
dead body?
One composes and the other decomposes.

Jokes number : 10

What lies on the ground 100 feet up in

the air and smells?
A dead centipede.

Jokes number : 9

Q. How many line
dance instructors does it
take to change a light bulb?
A. Five!...Six!...Seven!...Eight!

Jokes number : 8

Q. What's the difference between a
line
dance instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while
he hurts you.

Jokes number : 7

What do cows like to line dance to ?
Any kind
of moosic you like !

Jokes number : 6

What do cars do at the disco?
Brake dance.

Jokes number : 5

My dance partner dumped me for my best
friend.
Why? Was he a better dancer?
Don't know, I never met him.

Jokes number : 4

Q. What do tired line dancers do?
A. They
Line Down :-)

Jokes number : 3

Which dance will a chicken not do ?
The
foxtrot !

Jokes number : 2

What is a duck's favorite dance ?
The
quackstep !

Jokes number : 1

What is a frog's favorite dance?
The Lindy
Hop.

Jokes number : 100

There was a dance teacher who talked of a very

old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her

class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then
side-step
side-step and turn around."

Jokes number : 99

Q. What do you call a line
dancer on a
cruise?
A. An Ocean "Liner"

Jokes number : 98

These two friends are about to go to
a club.
One of them has a wooden eye. He said ''If someone says
something
about my eye, i'm gonna snap.'' They get there, and he asks a

girl to dance. She says, ''Would I?''

Jokes number : 97

Why did the two knives go to the dance
together?

Because they both looked sharp!

Jokes number : 96

What's a vampire's favorite dance?
The
Vaults.

Jokes number : 95

What do baby swans dance to ?

Cygnet-ure-tunes !

Jokes number : 94

Why don't dogs make good dancers ?
Because
they have two left feet !

Jokes number : 93

Which dances do the burgers do best?
The
burger-loo and the char char!

Jokes number : 92

An avid line dancing couple
go to the doctor
for a check up because they are having trouble
remembering anything
but, all the latest line dances. The doctor finds them in
excellent
health (of course), but suggests that writing things down may
help
their memories off the dance floor. That night the husband gets up

to go the kitchen and the wife asks for a dish of ice cream, suggesting

that maybe he write it down. He says "I don't need to write it
down"
She says "Well I want Strawberries on it, so maybe you better
write it
down" "I don"t need to write it down" He says and walks off
in a
huff. Twenty minutes later he comes back with a plate of bacon
and eggs.
"I told you to write it down" she says, "You forgot my

toast".

Jokes number : 91

How do you see that a linedancer came from
Belgium
and not from the Netherlands?
He wears the cardboard box on
his boots.

Jokes number : 90

Q. What is good for your soul but not your
soles?
A. Linedancing!

Jokes number : 89

Who is tall, dark and a great dancer ?
Dark
Raver !

Jokes number : 88

How do you make a
tissue dance ?
Put a
little boogie in it !

Jokes number : 87

I've been invited to an avoidance.
An
avoidance? What's that?
It's a dance for people who hate each
other.

Jokes number : 86

Where can you dance in California?
San
Frandisco.

Jokes number : 85

What do you get if you cross an insect and a

dance ?
A cricket ball !

Jokes number : 84

What do you call someone who dances on cars
?
A morris dancer !

Jokes number : 83

What sort of dance do fish do at
parties
?
The conga !

Jokes number : 82

What did the overweight
ballet dancer
perform ?
The dance of the sugar plump fairy !

Jokes number : 81

Why did the little kid dance on the jar of
jam?
Because the top said, "Twist to open."

Jokes number : 80

What kind of dance do buns do?
Abundance.

Jokes number : 79

What is the difference between a dancer and a
duck?
One goes quick on her beautiful legs, the other goes quack on
her
beautiful legs.

Jokes number : 78

What dance do you do when summer is
over?
Tango (tan go).

Jokes number : 77

What dance do hippies hate?
A square
dance.

Jokes number : 76

What dance did the
Pilgrims do?
The
Plymouth Rock.

Jokes number : 75

What animals are poor dancers?
Four-legged
ones, because they have two left feet.

Jokes number : 74

Late one
night, a burglar broke into a
house he thought was empty. He tiptoed
through the living room but
suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a
loud voice say,
"Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the
house, so the burglar
crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the
voice boomed
again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he
looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird
cage and in
the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you
who said
Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar
breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "What's
your
name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot,"
sneered the burglar. "What idiot
named you Clarence?"
The parrot said,
"The same idiot who named the Rottweiller
Jesus."

Jokes number : 73

Bill: Where did you
get that gold watch
Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race.
Bill: How many people participated
in it?
Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!

Jokes number : 72

Did you hear about the calendar thief?
He
got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!

Jokes number : 71

A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in
the
same car...
Who is driving the car?
A police officer!

Jokes number : 70

How do they dance in Arabia?
Sheik-to-sheik
(cheek).

Jokes number : 69

Two fonts walk into a line
dance club. The
barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your
type here."

Jokes number : 68

Q. Why did the line dancer cross the dance
floor?
A. To get to the other (Electric) Slide!

Jokes number : 67

Q. Where can you dance in California?
A. San
Fran-disco

Jokes number : 66

What's a vampire's favorite dance?
The
Fang Tango.

Jokes number : 65

A
mafioso's son sits at his desk writing
a Christmas list to Jesus. He first
writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I
have been a good boy the whole year, so I
want a new..." He looks at
it, then crumples it up into a ball and
throws it away.

He
gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I

have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He

again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets
an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue
of the
Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes

another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want
to
see your mother again..."

Jokes number : 64

An English
prisoner of war was held by
the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over
the place, and okay
until one day when the German told him,
"Englander,your arm is
infected with gangrene vee must cut it off."

The English prisoner
said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over
England when you go
bombing?"

The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."


A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to
cut
his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it
over
England like you did last time?"

"Ya, that vill be done,"
says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they
have to cut his leg off.
Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you
do the same as before?"

The German replies, "Vhy, ya."


The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well,"

begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped
, "No! We think you are trying to escape!"

Jokes number : 63

t was Christmas and the judge was in a merry

mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged
with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the
defendant.

"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this

shopping?"

"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

Jokes number : 62

Knock Knock
Who's there !
Burglar
!
Burglar who ?
Burglars don't knock !

Jokes number : 61

What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a

prisoner ?
A Kong - vict !

Jokes number : 60

What do you get if you cross a bunch of
flowers
with a burglar ?
Robbery with violets !

Jokes number : 59

What do you call a mayfly with a criminal

tendencies ?
Baddy long legs !

Jokes number : 58

What do you call a robbery in China ?
A
Chinese take away !

Jokes number : 57

Who is the
biggest gangster in the sea
?
Al Caprawn !

Jokes number : 56

Why are burglars such good tennis players
?
Because they spend such a lot of their time in courts !

Jokes number : 55

What was the parrot doing in prison ?
It
was a jail-bird !

Jokes number : 54

Why do pens get sent to
prison ? To do
long sentences !

Jokes number : 53

Who was the world's greatest thief
?
Atlas, because he held up the whole world !

Jokes number : 52

Why would someone in jail want to catch the
measles?
So he could break out.

Jokes number : 51

What stars go to jail?
Shooting stars.

Jokes number : 50

What kind of party do prisoners in jail

like most of all.
A going-away party.

Jokes number : 49

Why is a sinking ship like a
person in
jail?
Because it needs bailing out.

Jokes number : 48

When did the criminal get smart?
When the
judge threw the book at him.

Jokes number : 47

What three letters in the alphabet frighten

criminals?
F.B.I.

Jokes number : 46

What kind of robbery is not dangerous?
A
safe robbery.

Jokes number : 45

What is the difference between a thief and a
church
bell?
One steals from the people, the other peals, from
the steeple.

Jokes number : 44

What diploma do criminals get?
The third
degree.

Jokes number : 43

If you crossed a gangster and a garbage man,
what would
you have?
Organised grime (crime).

Jokes number : 42

Who is the strongest thief?
A
shoplifter.

Jokes number : 41

What kind of thief steals meat?
A
hamburglar.

Jokes number : 40

What hired killer never goes to jail?
The
exterminator.

Jokes number : 39

How do bank robbers send messages?
By flee
mail!

Jokes number : 38

What did the
burglar say to the lady who
caught him stealing her silver?
I'm at your service, ma'am.

Jokes number : 37

'It's a pity
you've gone on hunger
strike,' said the convict's girlfriend on
visiting day. 'Why ?'
'I've put a file in your cake.'

Jokes number : 36

A boy is in a prison cell with no windows and

no doors: there are no holes in the ceiling or trapdoors in the
floor,
yet in the morning the jailers find him gone. How did he get
out ?
Through the doorway - there were no doors remember !

Jokes number : 35

Policeman: Did you
know your vehicle was
reported stolen?
Criminal: It wasn't when I took it.

Jokes number : 34

Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables
on my desk?
Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

Jokes number : 33

Detective: How did you
get into
counterfeiting?
Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make money at
home."

Jokes number : 32

Detective: Do you think
I should put on
the cuffs?
Criminal: Why? You look good in short sleeves.

Jokes number : 31

Criminal: Why don't you hire these twins for

the robbery, boss?
Criminal Boss: I'm afraid of a
double-cross.

Jokes number : 30

Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn't any

good, it only has sentimental value.
Mugger: That's all right.
I'm sentimental.

Jokes number : 29

Why was the robber so secure?
He was a
safe robber.

Jokes number : 28

A police officer was escorting a
prisoner
to jail when his hat blew off.
"Shall I run and get it for you?"
asked the prisoner obligingly.
"You must think I'm daft," said the
officer.
"You stand here and I'll get it."

Jokes number : 27

"What makes you think the
prisoner was
drunk?" asked the judge. "Well, Your Honor," replied the
arresting
officer, "I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with
it,
and when I asked him what it was for he said, 'I want to listen to

it on my record-player!' "

Jokes number : 26

Judge: Tell me your occupation.
Prisoner;
I'm a locksmith, Your Honour.
Judge: Then what were you doing in a
jewellery shop in the middle of
the night when the police saw you?

Prisoner; Making a bolt for the door!

Jokes number : 25

I think I hear burglars, dear. Are you awake?

No!

Jokes number : 24

Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery

store because you were starving. So why didn't you take the food
instead
of the cash out of the till?
Burglar: Your Honour! I'm a
proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to
pay for everything I eat.

Jokes number : 23

Judge: Why did you steal
that bird?

Prisoner: For a lark, sir.

Jokes number : 22

What did the burglar say to the

watchmaker as he tied him up?
Sorry to take so much of your valuable
time.

Jokes number : 21

Why did the burglar take a shower?
He
wanted to make a clean getaway

Jokes number : 20

Fred: We had a burglary last night, and they
took everything except the
soap and towels.
Harry: The dirty
crooks.

Jokes number : 19

A woman woke her husband in the middle of the
night. "There's a
burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made
this morning."
"Who shall I call," her husband asked, "police or

ambulance?"

Jokes number : 18

A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank,
pointed two fingers at
the clerk and said, "This is a muck up!"

"Don't you mean a stick up?" asked the girl.
"No," said the robber,
"it's a muckup. I've forgotten my
gun."

Jokes number : 17

"Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a

bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow."
"OK, son,"
said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank
closes."

Jokes number : 16

Why was the robber bionic?
He was holding
up a bank.

Jokes number : 15

The criminal mastermind found one of his

gang sawing the legs off his bed. "What are you doing that for?"

demanded the crook boss. "Only doing what you ordered," said the stupid

thug. "You told me to lie low for a bit!"

Jokes number : 14

Two small time thieves had been sent by the
Big Boss to
steal a van load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One
stayed in the
van as look out and the other went into the
storeroom. Fifteen minutes
went by, then half an hour, then an hour, and no
sign of him. The look
out finally grew impatient and went to look
for his partner. Inside the
store the two came face to face. "Where
have you been?" demanded the
worried look out. "The boss told me to
take a bath, but I couldn't
find the soap and a towel."

Jokes number : 13

What's another
word for a murderer who
kills old ladies?
A Killergran.

Jokes number : 12

When the school was broken into, the

thieves took absolutely everything - desks, books, blackboards,

everything apart from the soap in the lavatories and all the towels.
The
police are looking for a pair of dirty criminals.

Jokes number : 11

Did you hear about the burglar who fell in
the
cement mixer?
Now he's a hardened criminal.

Jokes number : 10

Newsflash: Two criminals have escaped from
prison today. One is
orange and 9ft tall, and the other green and
yellow and 2ft Gin tall.
The police are searching high and low for
them.

Jokes number : 9

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to
prison. During his stay, he
got along well with the guards and all his
fellow inmates. The warden saw
that deep down, Andy was a good
person and made arrangements for Andy
to learn a trade while doing his
time. After three years, Andy was
recognized as one of the best
carpenters in the local area. Often he would
be given a weekend pass
to do odd jobs for the citizens of the
community.... and he always
reported back to prison before Sunday night was
over.

The
warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done

much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of

kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his

wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the
job
for him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden,
Gosh, I'd really like to
help you but counter fitting is what go
t me into prison in the first
place.

Jokes number : 8

It was
Rocky's first night in the
penitentiary. All of the inmates were in
their cells and he was trying to
become a bit more comfortable with his
meager surroundings. As he
leaned against the bars at the front of his
cell, Rocky heard a voice
call out "44" and the whole cell block
erupted
into laughter!
Another voice called "16" and again there was
laughter. A
third
voice called "62" which was followed by laughter throughout the

block.

Rocky didn't know what was going on so he rapped on his cell
wall.

"Yeah, whaddaya want?" came the gruff reply from next
door.

"What's going on, here?" asked Rocky.

"Well," said the
other inmate, "down in the prison library there's
only one
joke
book. We've all read the book so many times that we don't waste

time
telling the joke, we just call out it's number."

So the
next day Rocky went down to the library and, sure enough, found
r
the
yellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it from cover to
cover. That
night,
wanting to be part of the group, Rocky
confidently called out "44"
and
everyone laughed! He tried calling "16"
and "62" and again there
were peals
of laughter. Then he called
57, and the halls rang with laughter.

After several minutes, one
prisoner was still rolling on the floor
laughing.
More minutes -
still laughing. Rocky rapped on the cell wall. "Yeah,
waddaya want?"
asked the other inmate.

"I don't understand it," asked Rocky,
"Why is Bill still
laughing?"

"Well," said the gruff inmate,
"He never heard that one
before!"

Jokes number : 7

A computer geek goes to prison
for fraud,
they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy,

Having heard what
happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he
figures he had better
introduce himself, He extends his hand and says with a
quivering
voice, Hi my name is John Smith.

The big guy who actually is a nice
guy extends his and says my name is
Turner Brown.

The geek
passes out.

The big guy fans him and brings him too.

Why
did you pass out he asked?

The geek replies, what did you say
your name was?

Turner Brown he replies.

Oh God the geek
says I thought you said "TURN AROUND".

Jokes number : 6

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to

steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the

shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you
say I
just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The
manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the

slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can

you show me something less expensive?"

Jokes number : 5

Where do cowboys cook their
meals?
On
the range.

Jokes number : 4

What advice to cows
give?
Turn the udder
cheek and mooooove on!

Jokes number : 3

Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get
fired?


A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!

Jokes number : 2

If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three

days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it?
The horse's
name is Friday!

Jokes number : 1

What do you call a cowboy who helps out in a

school ?
The deputy head !

Jokes number : 100

Why did the cowboy's car stop?
It had Injun
(engine) trouble.

Jokes number : 99

Why did the cowboy get a hot seat?
Because
he rode the range.

Jokes number : 98

Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?
He was
always horsing around.

Jokes number : 97

What sickness do cowboys
get from riding
wild horses?
Bronchitis (bronc-itis).

Jokes number : 96

Why did the cowboy ride his horse?
Because
the horse was too heavy to carry.

Jokes number : 95

The eastern lady who was all ready to take a
horseback ride
said to the cowboy, "Can you get me a nice gentle
pony?" "Shore,"
said the cowboy. "What kind of a saddle do you want,
English or
western?" "What's the difference?" asked the lady. "The
western saddle has
a horn on it," said the cowboy. "If the traffic
is so thick here in
the mountains that I need a horn on my saddle, I
don't believe I want
to ride."