Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a
closet?
A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Jokes number : 30
Q.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the
medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the
medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Jokes number : 29
There's a brunette standing in the
middle
of a street jumping up and down, counting "57, 57, 57." A blonde
walks up to her and decides that this game could be fun. She asks the
brunette if she can play too and the brunette says, "Sure." So the two
jump up and down counting "57, 57, 57." Suddenly, the brunette
jumps
onto the curb and the blonde gets hit by a truck. The brunette
goes back
into the street and starts jumping again, counting "58, 58,
58."
middle
of a street jumping up and down, counting "57, 57, 57." A blonde
walks up to her and decides that this game could be fun. She asks the
brunette if she can play too and the brunette says, "Sure." So the two
jump up and down counting "57, 57, 57." Suddenly, the brunette
jumps
onto the curb and the blonde gets hit by a truck. The brunette
goes back
into the street and starts jumping again, counting "58, 58,
58."
Jokes number : 27
A brunette,
a blonde, and a redhead were
standing in a line before a firing squad.
The commander says, "READY,
AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!"
All the people turned around
and looked and the brunette ran away.
Next, it's the redhead's
turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and
the redhead yells
"HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around
to look for the
hurricane and the redhead runs away.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The
commander says, "READY, AIM"
and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets
shot.
a blonde, and a redhead were
standing in a line before a firing squad.
The commander says, "READY,
AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!"
All the people turned around
and looked and the brunette ran away.
Next, it's the redhead's
turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and
the redhead yells
"HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around
to look for the
hurricane and the redhead runs away.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The
commander says, "READY, AIM"
and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets
shot.
Jokes number : 26
A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and
deeper until she drowned.
Her husband came home and found her dead
in the bathtub.
deeper until she drowned.
Her husband came home and found her dead
in the bathtub.
Jokes number : 25
A blonde walks into a hair salon
to get her
hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off
her
headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off
and
the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the
headphones and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe
out..."
to get her
hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off
her
headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off
and
the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the
headphones and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe
out..."
Jokes number : 24
One
day there was a blonde riding a horse.
The horse kept going faster and
faster until the blonde fell off,
with her foot getting stuck in the
stirrup. Hearing her screams for
help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over
and turned off the
merry-go-round.
day there was a blonde riding a horse.
The horse kept going faster and
faster until the blonde fell off,
with her foot getting stuck in the
stirrup. Hearing her screams for
help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over
and turned off the
merry-go-round.
Jokes number : 23
One day a blonde,
red-head, and a brunette
were driving through the desert when all of a sudden
their car
broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization.
The
red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can
drink
it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so
if I
get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to
take
the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"
red-head, and a brunette
were driving through the desert when all of a sudden
their car
broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization.
The
red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can
drink
it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so
if I
get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to
take
the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Jokes number : 22
Q. Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her
shoes?
A. To remind her that "toes go in first."
shoes?
A. To remind her that "toes go in first."
Jokes number : 20
Q. If a blonde and a brunette were falling off
a
building, who would hit the ground first?
A. The brunette
because the blonde would stop for directions.
a
building, who would hit the ground first?
A. The brunette
because the blonde would stop for directions.
Jokes number : 19
A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York.
When the
attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the
blonde,"I'm
sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you
please move to your
seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm
beautiful, and I'm going to
New York." The attendant said,"That's fine
miss, but you'll have to
go to your seat." The blonde responded
again, "I'm blonde, I'm
beautiful, and I'm going to New
York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response.
The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him
about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the
blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her
seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn
blonde to move.
He said, "I just told her that this part of the
plane wasn't going to
New York."
When the
attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the
blonde,"I'm
sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you
please move to your
seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm
beautiful, and I'm going to
New York." The attendant said,"That's fine
miss, but you'll have to
go to your seat." The blonde responded
again, "I'm blonde, I'm
beautiful, and I'm going to New
York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response.
The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him
about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the
blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her
seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn
blonde to move.
He said, "I just told her that this part of the
plane wasn't going to
New York."
Jokes number : 18
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided
to hire
herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a
wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and
asked the
owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can
paint my porch. How
much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How
about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her
that the paint and
other materials that she might need were in the
garage. The man's
wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said
to her
husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way
around the
house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short
time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered,
"and I
had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man
reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde a
dded, "it's not a Porch, it's a
Ferrari."
to hire
herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a
wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and
asked the
owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can
paint my porch. How
much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How
about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her
that the paint and
other materials that she might need were in the
garage. The man's
wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said
to her
husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way
around the
house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short
time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered,
"and I
had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man
reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde a
dded, "it's not a Porch, it's a
Ferrari."
Jokes number : 17
Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed
blonde
out of a tree?
A. Wave at her.
blonde
out of a tree?
A. Wave at her.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Jokes number : 14
Did you hear about the two
Blondes that
were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie
theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".
Blondes that
were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie
theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".
Jokes number : 13
A man was trimming his
bushes. His neighbor
(the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see
that it's
empty, and goes back inside.
Five minutes later, she comes back out,
checks her mail again only to
see that it's still empty, and goes
back in.
The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is
there a
problem?"
The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a
problem! My computer keeps
on telling me 'I've got mail'!"
bushes. His neighbor
(the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see
that it's
empty, and goes back inside.
Five minutes later, she comes back out,
checks her mail again only to
see that it's still empty, and goes
back in.
The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is
there a
problem?"
The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a
problem! My computer keeps
on telling me 'I've got mail'!"
Jokes number : 12
A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning
storms?
Q. They think their picture is being taken.
storms?
Q. They think their picture is being taken.
Jokes number : 11
A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk
if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and
says
that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes
her hair
black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks
the same thing and again
the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a
shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she
returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment,
this clerk
also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde
asks the clerk,
"How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks
at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's
a
microwave."
if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and
says
that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes
her hair
black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks
the same thing and again
the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a
shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she
returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment,
this clerk
also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde
asks the clerk,
"How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks
at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's
a
microwave."
Jokes number : 10
One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney
Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned
around and went home.
Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned
around and went home.
Jokes number : 9
A blonde comes home from a
day of shopping
and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls
the fire
department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your
emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde
replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the
blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks
fustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
day of shopping
and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls
the fire
department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your
emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde
replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the
blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks
fustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
Jokes number : 7
A blonde
is walking down the street with
her blouse open, exposing one of her
breasts.
A nearby
policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware
that I could
cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" asks the
blonde.
"Because your blouse is open and your breast is
exposed."
"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the
bus!"
is walking down the street with
her blouse open, exposing one of her
breasts.
A nearby
policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware
that I could
cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" asks the
blonde.
"Because your blouse is open and your breast is
exposed."
"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the
bus!"
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Jokes number : 6
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on
an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the
beach and discover a
magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough,
out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three
wishes, you may each
have one."
The brunette says, "I've
been stuck here for years. I miss my family,
my husband, and my life.
I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and
she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've
been stuck here for years as well. I
miss my family, my husband, and
my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her
wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying
uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the
matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the
beach and discover a
magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough,
out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three
wishes, you may each
have one."
The brunette says, "I've
been stuck here for years. I miss my family,
my husband, and my life.
I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and
she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've
been stuck here for years as well. I
miss my family, my husband, and
my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her
wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying
uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the
matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
Jokes number : 5
One morning this blonde calls her friend and
says, "Would you mind
coming over and helping me out with this killer
jigsaw puzzle I bought --
I can't figure out how to get
started."
Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?"
"From the
picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the
blonde.
The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the
front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the
table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
Then, he
turns to her and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I
do, I'm not
going to be able to show you how to assemble these to
look like the
picture of the tiger on the box."
"Why not?"
asks the disappointed blonde.
"Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw
puzzle... what you have here is a
box of Frosted Flakes."
says, "Would you mind
coming over and helping me out with this killer
jigsaw puzzle I bought --
I can't figure out how to get
started."
Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?"
"From the
picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the
blonde.
The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the
front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the
table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
Then, he
turns to her and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I
do, I'm not
going to be able to show you how to assemble these to
look like the
picture of the tiger on the box."
"Why not?"
asks the disappointed blonde.
"Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw
puzzle... what you have here is a
box of Frosted Flakes."
Jokes number : 4
A blonde walks up
to a Coke machine and
puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks
amazed and runs away
to get some more coins. She returns and starts
feeding the machine
madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out
drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a
few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have
a
go.
The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see
I'm
winning!"
to a Coke machine and
puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks
amazed and runs away
to get some more coins. She returns and starts
feeding the machine
madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out
drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a
few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have
a
go.
The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see
I'm
winning!"
Jokes number : 3
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is
cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his
apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure
enough, when she
opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a
redhead.
She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a
moment.
Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun
up
to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do
it..."
The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"
cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his
apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure
enough, when she
opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a
redhead.
She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a
moment.
Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun
up
to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do
it..."
The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"
Jokes number : 2
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that
90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Jokes number : 1
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea
in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Jokes number : 92
Q: Why
did the blonde get so excited after
she finished her jigsaw puzzle in
only 6 months?
A: Because on
the box it said From 2-4 years.
did the blonde get so excited after
she finished her jigsaw puzzle in
only 6 months?
A: Because on
the box it said From 2-4 years.
Jokes number : 92
Q: Why
did the blonde get so excited after
she finished her jigsaw puzzle in
only 6 months?
A: Because on
the box it said From 2-4 years.
did the blonde get so excited after
she finished her jigsaw puzzle in
only 6 months?
A: Because on
the box it said From 2-4 years.
Jokes number : 91
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police
car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Jokes number : 91
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police
car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Jokes number : 89
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat
hanger in
her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
hanger in
her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Jokes number : 89
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat
hanger in
her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
hanger in
her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Jokes number : 88
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a
computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a
computer once.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm
blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm
blonde, I'm blonde, yea
yea yea..."
a
computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a
computer once.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm
blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm
blonde, I'm blonde, yea
yea yea..."
Jokes number : 88
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a
computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a
computer once.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm
blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm
blonde, I'm blonde, yea
yea yea..."
a
computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a
computer once.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm
blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm
blonde, I'm blonde, yea
yea yea..."
Jokes number : 86
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have
in
common?
A: They both have black roots.
in
common?
A: They both have black roots.
Jokes number : 86
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have
in
common?
A: They both have black roots.
in
common?
A: They both have black roots.
Jokes number : 84
Q: Why was the blondes'
belly button sore
?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
belly button sore
?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Jokes number : 84
Q: Why was the blondes'
belly button sore
?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
belly button sore
?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Jokes number : 83
Q: What do blonds
and spaghetti have in
common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
and spaghetti have in
common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Jokes number : 83
Q: What do blonds
and spaghetti have in
common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
and spaghetti have in
common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Jokes number : 82
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks
Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all
play for the Green Bay Packers?
A1: Thanks
Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all
play for the Green Bay Packers?
Jokes number : 82
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks
Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all
play for the Green Bay Packers?
A1: Thanks
Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all
play for the Green Bay Packers?
Jokes number : 80
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to
make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Jokes number : 80
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to
make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Jokes number : 79
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has
been
using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
been
using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Jokes number : 79
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has
been
using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
been
using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Jokes number : 78
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a solar powered
calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
a solar powered
calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Jokes number : 78
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
a solar powered
calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
a solar powered
calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Jokes number : 77
What do
you do when a blonde throws a
grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it
back!
you do when a blonde throws a
grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it
back!
Jokes number : 77
What do
you do when a blonde throws a
grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it
back!
you do when a blonde throws a
grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it
back!
Jokes number : 76
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all
night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Jokes number : 76
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all
night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Jokes number : 75
Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours?
Write
please turn over on both sides of the paper!
Write
please turn over on both sides of the paper!
Jokes number : 75
Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours?
Write
please turn over on both sides of the paper!
Write
please turn over on both sides of the paper!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Jokes number : 72
Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks
on
her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said
"DON'T
WALK".
on
her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said
"DON'T
WALK".
Jokes number : 72
Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks
on
her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said
"DON'T
WALK".
on
her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said
"DON'T
WALK".
Jokes number : 70
What do blondes and beer bottles have in
common? They are
both empty from the neck up!
common? They are
both empty from the neck up!
Jokes number : 70
What do blondes and beer bottles have in
common? They are
both empty from the neck up!
common? They are
both empty from the neck up!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Jokes number : 65
Why don't you see blonde pharmacists? They
can't
get the bottles into the typewriter!
can't
get the bottles into the typewriter!
Jokes number : 65
Why don't you see blonde pharmacists? They
can't
get the bottles into the typewriter!
can't
get the bottles into the typewriter!
Jokes number : 63
Be
careful never to let a blonde have a
coffee break... It takes too long
to retrain her afterwards!
careful never to let a blonde have a
coffee break... It takes too long
to retrain her afterwards!
Jokes number : 63
Be
careful never to let a blonde have a
coffee break... It takes too long
to retrain her afterwards!
careful never to let a blonde have a
coffee break... It takes too long
to retrain her afterwards!
Jokes number : 62
Did you hear about the blonde who was a really
good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one
piece!
good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one
piece!
Jokes number : 62
Did you hear about the blonde who was a really
good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one
piece!
good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one
piece!
Jokes number : 60
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You
always hear about them but never see any!
You
always hear about them but never see any!
Jokes number : 60
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You
always hear about them but never see any!
You
always hear about them but never see any!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Jokes number : 52
Why did the blonde tip-toe
past the
medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping
tablets!
past the
medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping
tablets!
Jokes number : 52
Why did the blonde tip-toe
past the
medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping
tablets!
past the
medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping
tablets!
Jokes number : 51
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run - she is still holding the grenade!
Run - she is still holding the grenade!
Jokes number : 51
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run - she is still holding the grenade!
Run - she is still holding the grenade!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Jokes number : 50
A dumb
blonde was really tired of being
made fun of, so she decided to have her
hair she would look like a
brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in
the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a
farmer and a flock of
sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are
so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The
farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a
try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The
farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like
a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before
she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the
real color of your hair, can I have my dog
back?"
blonde was really tired of being
made fun of, so she decided to have her
hair she would look like a
brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in
the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a
farmer and a flock of
sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are
so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The
farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a
try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The
farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like
a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before
she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the
real color of your hair, can I have my dog
back?"
Jokes number : 50
A dumb
blonde was really tired of being
made fun of, so she decided to have her
hair she would look like a
brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in
the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a
farmer and a flock of
sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are
so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The
farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a
try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The
farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like
a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before
she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the
real color of your hair, can I have my dog
back?"
blonde was really tired of being
made fun of, so she decided to have her
hair she would look like a
brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in
the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a
farmer and a flock of
sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are
so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The
farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a
try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The
farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like
a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before
she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the
real color of your hair, can I have my dog
back?"
Jokes number : 49
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after
work
for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A
man was
shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the
blonde bet
the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure
enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead
said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde
insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock
news, so
I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
work
for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A
man was
shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the
blonde bet
the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure
enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead
said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde
insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock
news, so
I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
Jokes number : 49
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after
work
for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A
man was
shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the
blonde bet
the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure
enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead
said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde
insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock
news, so
I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
work
for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A
man was
shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the
blonde bet
the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure
enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead
said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde
insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock
news, so
I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
Jokes number : 48
A blonde was driving down
the road
listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard
blonde joke after
blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another
blonde out
in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and
angrily
jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like
you that give the rest of
us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come
out there and give you what's
coming to you!"
the road
listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard
blonde joke after
blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another
blonde out
in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and
angrily
jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like
you that give the rest of
us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come
out there and give you what's
coming to you!"
Jokes number : 48
A blonde was driving down
the road
listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard
blonde joke after
blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another
blonde out
in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and
angrily
jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like
you that give the rest of
us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come
out there and give you what's
coming to you!"
the road
listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard
blonde joke after
blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another
blonde out
in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and
angrily
jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like
you that give the rest of
us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come
out there and give you what's
coming to you!"
Jokes number : 47
Three blondes were walking through a field when
they came across a set
of tracks.
The first blonde
looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird
tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I
think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third
blonde went over to the tracks. She
looked down, then got run over by
the train!
they came across a set
of tracks.
The first blonde
looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird
tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I
think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third
blonde went over to the tracks. She
looked down, then got run over by
the train!
Jokes number : 47
Three blondes were walking through a field when
they came across a set
of tracks.
The first blonde
looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird
tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I
think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third
blonde went over to the tracks. She
looked down, then got run over by
the train!
they came across a set
of tracks.
The first blonde
looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird
tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I
think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third
blonde went over to the tracks. She
looked down, then got run over by
the train!
Jokes number : 46
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to
unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is
down!
unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is
down!
Jokes number : 46
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to
unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is
down!
unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is
down!
Jokes number : 44
A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each
other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit
and
said, "You're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be
a
rabbit."
The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and
said, "You're slimy,
beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a
math teacher."
other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit
and
said, "You're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be
a
rabbit."
The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and
said, "You're slimy,
beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a
math teacher."
Jokes number : 44
A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each
other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit
and
said, "You're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be
a
rabbit."
The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and
said, "You're slimy,
beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a
math teacher."
other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit
and
said, "You're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be
a
rabbit."
The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and
said, "You're slimy,
beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a
math teacher."
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Jokes number : 41
There were those three guys, a
priest, a
doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the
group
before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.
Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He
was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf
course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all
lost
their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the
right to
play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a
lot, but being
blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball,
let alone finding
it after it's hit.
The priest said, "Oh my
this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little
prayer for these
courageous souls."
The doctor heard that and said "Don't worry. I'll send
them to a
friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works
wonders."
The engineer said "Wait. Why can't they just play at ni
ght?"
priest, a
doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the
group
before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.
Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He
was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf
course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all
lost
their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the
right to
play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a
lot, but being
blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball,
let alone finding
it after it's hit.
The priest said, "Oh my
this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little
prayer for these
courageous souls."
The doctor heard that and said "Don't worry. I'll send
them to a
friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works
wonders."
The engineer said "Wait. Why can't they just play at ni
ght?"
Jokes number : 41
There were those three guys, a
priest, a
doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the
group
before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.
Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He
was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf
course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all
lost
their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the
right to
play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a
lot, but being
blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball,
let alone finding
it after it's hit.
The priest said, "Oh my
this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little
prayer for these
courageous souls."
The doctor heard that and said "Don't worry. I'll send
them to a
friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works
wonders."
The engineer said "Wait. Why can't they just play at ni
ght?"
priest, a
doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the
group
before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.
Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He
was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf
course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all
lost
their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the
right to
play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a
lot, but being
blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball,
let alone finding
it after it's hit.
The priest said, "Oh my
this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little
prayer for these
courageous souls."
The doctor heard that and said "Don't worry. I'll send
them to a
friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works
wonders."
The engineer said "Wait. Why can't they just play at ni
ght?"
Jokes number : 39
Two blind man at a cinema: "Can you see
something ?"
"No".
"Then let's go in front !"
something ?"
"No".
"Then let's go in front !"
Jokes number : 39
Two blind man at a cinema: "Can you see
something ?"
"No".
"Then let's go in front !"
something ?"
"No".
"Then let's go in front !"
Jokes number : 38
A teacher at a
school for blind kids is
taking his school's soccer team to an "away
game". They stop for a
rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy
with a little
impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is
sitting in a
nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that
blind kids
can play soccer.
"We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so
the kids can keep track
of where the ball is and what it's doing
by listening for it. They're
pretty good at it too."
"Very
clever!" remarks the other patron.
Just then they are
interrupted as another patron, who is looking out
the window, says, "Hey!
Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from
the bus?"
"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being
refered
to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?"
"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window,
r
"but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the
hell
out of my best milk cow!"
school for blind kids is
taking his school's soccer team to an "away
game". They stop for a
rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy
with a little
impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is
sitting in a
nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that
blind kids
can play soccer.
"We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so
the kids can keep track
of where the ball is and what it's doing
by listening for it. They're
pretty good at it too."
"Very
clever!" remarks the other patron.
Just then they are
interrupted as another patron, who is looking out
the window, says, "Hey!
Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from
the bus?"
"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being
refered
to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?"
"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window,
r
"but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the
hell
out of my best milk cow!"
Jokes number : 38
A teacher at a
school for blind kids is
taking his school's soccer team to an "away
game". They stop for a
rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy
with a little
impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is
sitting in a
nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that
blind kids
can play soccer.
"We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so
the kids can keep track
of where the ball is and what it's doing
by listening for it. They're
pretty good at it too."
"Very
clever!" remarks the other patron.
Just then they are
interrupted as another patron, who is looking out
the window, says, "Hey!
Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from
the bus?"
"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being
refered
to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?"
"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window,
r
"but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the
hell
out of my best milk cow!"
school for blind kids is
taking his school's soccer team to an "away
game". They stop for a
rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy
with a little
impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is
sitting in a
nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that
blind kids
can play soccer.
"We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so
the kids can keep track
of where the ball is and what it's doing
by listening for it. They're
pretty good at it too."
"Very
clever!" remarks the other patron.
Just then they are
interrupted as another patron, who is looking out
the window, says, "Hey!
Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from
the bus?"
"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being
refered
to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?"
"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window,
r
"but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the
hell
out of my best milk cow!"
Jokes number : 37
A snake
and a rabbit were racing along a
pair of intersecting forest pathways
one day, when they collided at
the intersection. They immediately began
to argue with one another as
to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked
that he had been blind since birth, and thus
should be given
additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been
blind since birth.
The two animals then forgot about the collision and
began
commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said
that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never
been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that
reason did
not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The
rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they
could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from
head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal w
as.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around
the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very
soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for
a tail. I think that
you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The
rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to
return
the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a
few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've
got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and
you've
got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
and a rabbit were racing along a
pair of intersecting forest pathways
one day, when they collided at
the intersection. They immediately began
to argue with one another as
to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked
that he had been blind since birth, and thus
should be given
additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been
blind since birth.
The two animals then forgot about the collision and
began
commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said
that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never
been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that
reason did
not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The
rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they
could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from
head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal w
as.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around
the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very
soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for
a tail. I think that
you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The
rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to
return
the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a
few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've
got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and
you've
got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
Jokes number : 37
A snake
and a rabbit were racing along a
pair of intersecting forest pathways
one day, when they collided at
the intersection. They immediately began
to argue with one another as
to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked
that he had been blind since birth, and thus
should be given
additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been
blind since birth.
The two animals then forgot about the collision and
began
commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said
that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never
been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that
reason did
not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The
rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they
could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from
head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal w
as.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around
the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very
soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for
a tail. I think that
you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The
rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to
return
the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a
few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've
got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and
you've
got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
and a rabbit were racing along a
pair of intersecting forest pathways
one day, when they collided at
the intersection. They immediately began
to argue with one another as
to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked
that he had been blind since birth, and thus
should be given
additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been
blind since birth.
The two animals then forgot about the collision and
began
commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said
that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never
been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that
reason did
not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The
rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they
could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from
head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal w
as.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around
the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very
soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for
a tail. I think that
you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The
rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to
return
the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a
few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've
got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and
you've
got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
Jokes number : 36
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing
eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging
the
dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are
you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking
around."
eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging
the
dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are
you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking
around."
Jokes number : 36
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing
eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging
the
dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are
you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking
around."
eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging
the
dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are
you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking
around."
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Jokes number : 34
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a
dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in
his
pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A
passerby
remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the
dog had done.
"Not at all," said the blind man. "I only wanted to
find out which
end to kick."
dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in
his
pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A
passerby
remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the
dog had done.
"Not at all," said the blind man. "I only wanted to
find out which
end to kick."
Jokes number : 34
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a
dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in
his
pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A
passerby
remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the
dog had done.
"Not at all," said the blind man. "I only wanted to
find out which
end to kick."
dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in
his
pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A
passerby
remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the
dog had done.
"Not at all," said the blind man. "I only wanted to
find out which
end to kick."
Jokes number : 33
One day at a busy
airport, the passengers on
a commercial airliner are seated waiting for
the pilot to show up
so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear
in the rear of the plane and begin
walking up to the cockpit through
the center aisle. Both appear to be
blind; the pilot is using a
white cane, bumping into passengers right
and left as he stumbles down
the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes
covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react
thinking that it must be some
sort of practical joke. After a few
minutes though, the engines start
revving, and the airplane begins
moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some
uneasiness. They start
whispering among themselves and look
desperately to the stewardesses for
reassurance.
Yet, the plane
starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.
Some
passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to
the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more
hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left,
there is a
sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone
screams at once. At
the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is
airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of
relief and tells the
pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers
aren't going to
scream, and we aren't going to know when to take
off!"
airport, the passengers on
a commercial airliner are seated waiting for
the pilot to show up
so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear
in the rear of the plane and begin
walking up to the cockpit through
the center aisle. Both appear to be
blind; the pilot is using a
white cane, bumping into passengers right
and left as he stumbles down
the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes
covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react
thinking that it must be some
sort of practical joke. After a few
minutes though, the engines start
revving, and the airplane begins
moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some
uneasiness. They start
whispering among themselves and look
desperately to the stewardesses for
reassurance.
Yet, the plane
starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.
Some
passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to
the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more
hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left,
there is a
sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone
screams at once. At
the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is
airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of
relief and tells the
pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers
aren't going to
scream, and we aren't going to know when to take
off!"
Jokes number : 33
One day at a busy
airport, the passengers on
a commercial airliner are seated waiting for
the pilot to show up
so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear
in the rear of the plane and begin
walking up to the cockpit through
the center aisle. Both appear to be
blind; the pilot is using a
white cane, bumping into passengers right
and left as he stumbles down
the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes
covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react
thinking that it must be some
sort of practical joke. After a few
minutes though, the engines start
revving, and the airplane begins
moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some
uneasiness. They start
whispering among themselves and look
desperately to the stewardesses for
reassurance.
Yet, the plane
starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.
Some
passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to
the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more
hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left,
there is a
sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone
screams at once. At
the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is
airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of
relief and tells the
pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers
aren't going to
scream, and we aren't going to know when to take
off!"
airport, the passengers on
a commercial airliner are seated waiting for
the pilot to show up
so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear
in the rear of the plane and begin
walking up to the cockpit through
the center aisle. Both appear to be
blind; the pilot is using a
white cane, bumping into passengers right
and left as he stumbles down
the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes
covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react
thinking that it must be some
sort of practical joke. After a few
minutes though, the engines start
revving, and the airplane begins
moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some
uneasiness. They start
whispering among themselves and look
desperately to the stewardesses for
reassurance.
Yet, the plane
starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.
Some
passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to
the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more
hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left,
there is a
sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone
screams at once. At
the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is
airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of
relief and tells the
pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers
aren't going to
scream, and we aren't going to know when to take
off!"
Jokes number : 32
What is the difference between a blind man and a
sailor
in prison?
One can't see to go, the other can't go to
sea.
sailor
in prison?
One can't see to go, the other can't go to
sea.
Jokes number : 32
What is the difference between a blind man and a
sailor
in prison?
One can't see to go, the other can't go to
sea.
sailor
in prison?
One can't see to go, the other can't go to
sea.
Jokes number : 31
Why are bats blind?
Well, your eyesight
wouldn't be too good if you hung upside down all
day would it?
Well, your eyesight
wouldn't be too good if you hung upside down all
day would it?
Jokes number : 31
Why are bats blind?
Well, your eyesight
wouldn't be too good if you hung upside down all
day would it?
Well, your eyesight
wouldn't be too good if you hung upside down all
day would it?
Jokes number : 29
Q: How did a blind man drive his car?
A:
One hand on the wheel; the other on the road.
A:
One hand on the wheel; the other on the road.
Jokes number : 29
Q: How did a blind man drive his car?
A:
One hand on the wheel; the other on the road.
A:
One hand on the wheel; the other on the road.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Jokes number : 22
An out-of-towner drove his
car into a ditch
in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to
help with his
big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car
and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"
Buddy didn't move.
Then
the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't
respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the
horse
easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was
most appreciative and very curious. He asked the
farmer why he
called his horse by the wrong name three times.
"Well... Buddy is
blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling,
he wouldn't
even try!"
car into a ditch
in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to
help with his
big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car
and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"
Buddy didn't move.
Then
the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't
respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the
horse
easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was
most appreciative and very curious. He asked the
farmer why he
called his horse by the wrong name three times.
"Well... Buddy is
blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling,
he wouldn't
even try!"
Jokes number : 22
An out-of-towner drove his
car into a ditch
in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to
help with his
big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car
and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"
Buddy didn't move.
Then
the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't
respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the
horse
easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was
most appreciative and very curious. He asked the
farmer why he
called his horse by the wrong name three times.
"Well... Buddy is
blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling,
he wouldn't
even try!"
car into a ditch
in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to
help with his
big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car
and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"
Buddy didn't move.
Then
the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't
respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the
horse
easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was
most appreciative and very curious. He asked the
farmer why he
called his horse by the wrong name three times.
"Well... Buddy is
blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling,
he wouldn't
even try!"
Jokes number : 21
The blind farmer was often taken for a
walk
in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might
have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards
them
one day, he abandoned the blind man.
The bull, puzzled
by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He
turned very
quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the
ground with
a bump that left it breathless.
"Aidan," said the neighbor, "I
never knew you were so strong."
"Faith, and if I could have got
that fella off the handlebars of the
bicycle I'd have thrashed him
properly."
walk
in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might
have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards
them
one day, he abandoned the blind man.
The bull, puzzled
by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He
turned very
quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the
ground with
a bump that left it breathless.
"Aidan," said the neighbor, "I
never knew you were so strong."
"Faith, and if I could have got
that fella off the handlebars of the
bicycle I'd have thrashed him
properly."
Jokes number : 21
The blind farmer was often taken for a
walk
in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might
have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards
them
one day, he abandoned the blind man.
The bull, puzzled
by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He
turned very
quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the
ground with
a bump that left it breathless.
"Aidan," said the neighbor, "I
never knew you were so strong."
"Faith, and if I could have got
that fella off the handlebars of the
bicycle I'd have thrashed him
properly."
walk
in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might
have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards
them
one day, he abandoned the blind man.
The bull, puzzled
by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He
turned very
quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the
ground with
a bump that left it breathless.
"Aidan," said the neighbor, "I
never knew you were so strong."
"Faith, and if I could have got
that fella off the handlebars of the
bicycle I'd have thrashed him
properly."
Jokes number : 20
A nun in the convent
walked into the
bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
"There is a blind man
to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind
man, than it does
not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man
walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to
tell him how
much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.
She goes on
and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's
nice and
all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you
want
me to put these blinds?
walked into the
bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
"There is a blind man
to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind
man, than it does
not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man
walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to
tell him how
much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.
She goes on
and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's
nice and
all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you
want
me to put these blinds?
Jokes number : 20
A nun in the convent
walked into the
bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
"There is a blind man
to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind
man, than it does
not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man
walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to
tell him how
much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.
She goes on
and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's
nice and
all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you
want
me to put these blinds?
walked into the
bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
"There is a blind man
to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind
man, than it does
not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."
The blind man
walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to
tell him how
much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.
She goes on
and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's
nice and
all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you
want
me to put these blinds?
Jokes number : 19
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of
intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the
intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was
at
fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been
blind since birth, and thus
should be given additional leeway, the
rabbit said that he, too, had been
blind since birth. The two
animals then forgot about the collision and
began commiserating
concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his
greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never been able to
see his reflection in the water, and for that
reason did not know
exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The rabbit declared
that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they
could help
each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from
hea
d to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I
think that
you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much
relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to
return the favor to
the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a
few minutes,
he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've
got beady
little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've
got a
forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the
intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was
at
fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been
blind since birth, and thus
should be given additional leeway, the
rabbit said that he, too, had been
blind since birth. The two
animals then forgot about the collision and
began commiserating
concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his
greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never been able to
see his reflection in the water, and for that
reason did not know
exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The rabbit declared
that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they
could help
each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from
hea
d to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I
think that
you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much
relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to
return the favor to
the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a
few minutes,
he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've
got beady
little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've
got a
forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
Jokes number : 19
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of
intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the
intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was
at
fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been
blind since birth, and thus
should be given additional leeway, the
rabbit said that he, too, had been
blind since birth. The two
animals then forgot about the collision and
began commiserating
concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his
greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never been able to
see his reflection in the water, and for that
reason did not know
exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The rabbit declared
that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they
could help
each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from
hea
d to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I
think that
you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much
relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to
return the favor to
the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a
few minutes,
he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've
got beady
little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've
got a
forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the
intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was
at
fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been
blind since birth, and thus
should be given additional leeway, the
rabbit said that he, too, had been
blind since birth. The two
animals then forgot about the collision and
began commiserating
concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his
greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never been able to
see his reflection in the water, and for that
reason did not know
exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The rabbit declared
that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they
could help
each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from
hea
d to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur,
long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I
think that
you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much
relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to
return the favor to
the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a
few minutes,
he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've
got beady
little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've
got a
forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Jokes number : 18
Helen: Mum, do you know what I'm going to
give you for your birthday?
Mum: No, dear, what ?
Helen: A nice
teapot.
Mum: But I've got a nice teapot.
Helen: No you haven't.
I've just dropped it.
give you for your birthday?
Mum: No, dear, what ?
Helen: A nice
teapot.
Mum: But I've got a nice teapot.
Helen: No you haven't.
I've just dropped it.
Jokes number : 18
Helen: Mum, do you know what I'm going to
give you for your birthday?
Mum: No, dear, what ?
Helen: A nice
teapot.
Mum: But I've got a nice teapot.
Helen: No you haven't.
I've just dropped it.
give you for your birthday?
Mum: No, dear, what ?
Helen: A nice
teapot.
Mum: But I've got a nice teapot.
Helen: No you haven't.
I've just dropped it.
Jokes number : 17
Did you hear about the time
Eddy's
sister tried to make a birthday cake ?
The candles melted in the oven.
Eddy's
sister tried to make a birthday cake ?
The candles melted in the oven.
Jokes number : 17
Did you hear about the time
Eddy's
sister tried to make a birthday cake ?
The candles melted in the oven.
Eddy's
sister tried to make a birthday cake ?
The candles melted in the oven.
Jokes number : 16
Charley wanted to buy Farley a
birthday
cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the
typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday'
birthday
cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the
typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday'
Jokes number : 16
Charley wanted to buy Farley a
birthday
cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the
typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday'
birthday
cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the
typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday'
Jokes number : 15
The housewife answered a knock on the door
and found
a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
'Excuse me
for disturbing you, ma'am,' he said politely, ' but I
pass your
house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that
every
day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of
bread!'
'That's right.'
'Every day you wallop him on the head
with a loaf of bread, and yet
this morning you were hitting him
with a chocolate cake....?'
'Well, today is his birthday!'
and found
a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
'Excuse me
for disturbing you, ma'am,' he said politely, ' but I
pass your
house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that
every
day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of
bread!'
'That's right.'
'Every day you wallop him on the head
with a loaf of bread, and yet
this morning you were hitting him
with a chocolate cake....?'
'Well, today is his birthday!'
Jokes number : 15
The housewife answered a knock on the door
and found
a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
'Excuse me
for disturbing you, ma'am,' he said politely, ' but I
pass your
house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that
every
day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of
bread!'
'That's right.'
'Every day you wallop him on the head
with a loaf of bread, and yet
this morning you were hitting him
with a chocolate cake....?'
'Well, today is his birthday!'
and found
a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
'Excuse me
for disturbing you, ma'am,' he said politely, ' but I
pass your
house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that
every
day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of
bread!'
'That's right.'
'Every day you wallop him on the head
with a loaf of bread, and yet
this morning you were hitting him
with a chocolate cake....?'
'Well, today is his birthday!'
Jokes number : 13
Why was the monster standing on his head at
the birthday party?
He heard they were having upside-down
cake!
the birthday party?
He heard they were having upside-down
cake!
Jokes number : 13
Why was the monster standing on his head at
the birthday party?
He heard they were having upside-down
cake!
the birthday party?
He heard they were having upside-down
cake!
Jokes number : 12
Why does the monster act wild
and crazy
on his birthday?
He's trying to age disgracefully!
and crazy
on his birthday?
He's trying to age disgracefully!
Jokes number : 12
Why does the monster act wild
and crazy
on his birthday?
He's trying to age disgracefully!
and crazy
on his birthday?
He's trying to age disgracefully!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Jokes number : 10
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday
cake?
Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
cake?
Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Jokes number : 10
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday
cake?
Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
cake?
Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Jokes number : 8
Cat: "What did you get him for his
birthday?"
Dog: "Pant . . . pant!"
Cat: "Great . . . he needs a pair
of pants!"
birthday?"
Dog: "Pant . . . pant!"
Cat: "Great . . . he needs a pair
of pants!"
Jokes number : 8
Cat: "What did you get him for his
birthday?"
Dog: "Pant . . . pant!"
Cat: "Great . . . he needs a pair
of pants!"
birthday?"
Dog: "Pant . . . pant!"
Cat: "Great . . . he needs a pair
of pants!"
Jokes number : 5
For his birthday the monster asked for a
heavy sweater.
So they gave him a sumo wrestler!
heavy sweater.
So they gave him a sumo wrestler!
Jokes number : 5
For his birthday the monster asked for a
heavy sweater.
So they gave him a sumo wrestler!
heavy sweater.
So they gave him a sumo wrestler!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Jokes number : 1
Man l: "I got my wife a VCP
for her
birthday"
Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?"
Man 1: "No, a VCP . . .
Very Cheap Present!"
for her
birthday"
Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?"
Man 1: "No, a VCP . . .
Very Cheap Present!"
Jokes number : 1
Man l: "I got my wife a VCP
for her
birthday"
Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?"
Man 1: "No, a VCP . . .
Very Cheap Present!"
for her
birthday"
Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?"
Man 1: "No, a VCP . . .
Very Cheap Present!"
Jokes number : 100
"This birthday cake certainly is crunchy."
"Maybe you should spit out the plate!"
"Maybe you should spit out the plate!"
Jokes number : 96
Why did the fat monster put
a candle on
his tummy?
He was celebrating his girthday!
a candle on
his tummy?
He was celebrating his girthday!
Jokes number : 95
How can you tell if an elephant's been to
your
birthday party?
Look for his footprints in the ice cream.
your
birthday party?
Look for his footprints in the ice cream.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Jokes number : 93
"I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party
for you."
"A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?"
"That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them
come, I'll be surprised!"
for you."
"A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?"
"That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them
come, I'll be surprised!"
Jokes number : 92
Why won't anyone eat the dogs birthday cake?
Because he always slobbers out the candles!
Because he always slobbers out the candles!
Jokes number : 90
"My birthday's coming"
Do you know what I
need?"
"Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?"
Do you know what I
need?"
"Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?"
Jokes number : 88
"Did you go shopping for my birthday
present?"
"Yeah, and I found the perfect thing."
"What thing is
that?"
"Nothing!"
present?"
"Yeah, and I found the perfect thing."
"What thing is
that?"
"Nothing!"
Jokes number : 87
"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat
birthday cake."
"Next time, take off the candles."
birthday cake."
"Next time, take off the candles."
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Jokes number : 86
What song should
you sing to a wildebeest
on his birthday?
"Happy Birthday To Gnu!"
you sing to a wildebeest
on his birthday?
"Happy Birthday To Gnu!"
Jokes number : 85
What do you give a
nine-hundred-pound
gorilla for his birthday?
I don't know, but you'd better hope he
likes it!
nine-hundred-pound
gorilla for his birthday?
I don't know, but you'd better hope he
likes it!
Jokes number : 81
Why did Davy Crockett always
wear a
coonskin cap?
It was a birthday present from his wife!
wear a
coonskin cap?
It was a birthday present from his wife!
Jokes number : 80
Why couldn't prehistoric man send
birthday cards?
The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
birthday cards?
The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Jokes number : 78
Why did you hit your birthday cake with a
hammer?
Because you said it was pound cake!
hammer?
Because you said it was pound cake!
Jokes number : 74
It was
Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and
he was still in perfect health. At
his birthday party he was asked
how he managed to live so long and stay
so fit.
He explained
"I put my long life down to spending so much time out of
doors.
I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for
the last
75th years."
"How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous
fitness regime?" we
asked.
"It's simple" he said. "When I
married my wife 75 years ago, we
both made solemn pledge on our wedding
night. We agreed that whenever we
ever had a fight, whoever was
proved wrong would go outside and take
long walk."
Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and
he was still in perfect health. At
his birthday party he was asked
how he managed to live so long and stay
so fit.
He explained
"I put my long life down to spending so much time out of
doors.
I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for
the last
75th years."
"How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous
fitness regime?" we
asked.
"It's simple" he said. "When I
married my wife 75 years ago, we
both made solemn pledge on our wedding
night. We agreed that whenever we
ever had a fight, whoever was
proved wrong would go outside and take
long walk."
Jokes number : 73
Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally
depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was
wrong.
"I'll never understand women" said Joe. "The other night on my
birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I
wanted."
"Wow! That's quite some gift" said the bartender. "So why are
you
so dejected?"
"Well I thought about it for a while" said
Joe, "and decided to send
her home to her mother, and now she
won't even speak to me!"
depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was
wrong.
"I'll never understand women" said Joe. "The other night on my
birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I
wanted."
"Wow! That's quite some gift" said the bartender. "So why are
you
so dejected?"
"Well I thought about it for a while" said
Joe, "and decided to send
her home to her mother, and now she
won't even speak to me!"
Jokes number : 72
"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful
thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said that
I needed an upgrade."
thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said that
I needed an upgrade."
Jokes number : 71
"I remember when the
candle shop burned
down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy
Birthday.'"
candle shop burned
down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy
Birthday.'"
Monday, August 9, 2010
Jokes number : 70
A St. Louis mother
telephoned the capital
building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the
game
warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice
finally
said, "Hello." "Are you the game warden?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Finally Ah've got the right person!" she said. "Could yaw'l gimme
some help with my son's birthday party?"
telephoned the capital
building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the
game
warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice
finally
said, "Hello." "Are you the game warden?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Finally Ah've got the right person!" she said. "Could yaw'l gimme
some help with my son's birthday party?"
Jokes number : 69
BoyFriend: Why didn't you
give me
anything for my birthday?
GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.
give me
anything for my birthday?
GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.
Jokes number : 68
A man who forgets his wife's birthday is
certain to get something to remember her by.
certain to get something to remember her by.
Jokes number : 67
Fred: Do you
like the dictionary I bought
you for your birthday?
Harry: Sure. It's a great present but I
just can't find the words to
thank you enough.
like the dictionary I bought
you for your birthday?
Harry: Sure. It's a great present but I
just can't find the words to
thank you enough.
Jokes number : 66
Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief
for your
birthday.
Betty: That was a kind thought. But why
didn't you?
Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.
for your
birthday.
Betty: That was a kind thought. But why
didn't you?
Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.
Jokes number : 64
What's the greatest birthday
present?
Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.
present?
Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.
Jokes number : 63
Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her
birthday.
How lovely!
Yes, but he only did it so as not to
have to do the washing-up. Mum's
too frightened he'll break it!
birthday.
How lovely!
Yes, but he only did it so as not to
have to do the washing-up. Mum's
too frightened he'll break it!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Jokes number : 62
I've been shopping for
my wife's
birthday present.
What did you get her?
A bottle of expensive toilet
water. It cost 20.
20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could
have had some of ours
for free!
my wife's
birthday present.
What did you get her?
A bottle of expensive toilet
water. It cost 20.
20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could
have had some of ours
for free!
Jokes number : 61
Will you come to my party on
Saturday?
Yes, please, What's the address?
25 The High Street. Just push
the bell with your elbow.
Why with my elbow?
Well, you won't be
empty-handed, will you!
Saturday?
Yes, please, What's the address?
25 The High Street. Just push
the bell with your elbow.
Why with my elbow?
Well, you won't be
empty-handed, will you!
Jokes number : 58
How old were you on your last birthday?
Eight.
And how old will you be on your next birthday?
Ten.
Oh, I don't think that's possible.
Oh, yes it is - I'm nine
today.
Eight.
And how old will you be on your next birthday?
Ten.
Oh, I don't think that's possible.
Oh, yes it is - I'm nine
today.
Jokes number : 57
Something
happened to me yesterday that
will never, ever, happen to me again.
How can you be so sure?
I
was 10 years old yesterday.
happened to me yesterday that
will never, ever, happen to me again.
How can you be so sure?
I
was 10 years old yesterday.
Jokes number : 56
Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same
day as his
father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume
and his father a
pistol.
He wrapped the perfume and wrote a
note to his girlfriend, saying,
'Use this all over yourself and
think of me.'
Unfortunately he put the note on his father's
present.
day as his
father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume
and his father a
pistol.
He wrapped the perfume and wrote a
note to his girlfriend, saying,
'Use this all over yourself and
think of me.'
Unfortunately he put the note on his father's
present.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Jokes number : 53
A kindly old lady came across a little boy
sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?'
she
asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a
bicycle and a
new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party
with crisps and
jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. .
.' and he had to
stop talking because he was crying so hard.
'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?'
'Because I'm lost!'
sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?'
she
asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a
bicycle and a
new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party
with crisps and
jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. .
.' and he had to
stop talking because he was crying so hard.
'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?'
'Because I'm lost!'
Jokes number : 52
I'd like to say
something nice about you
as it's your birthday.
Why don't you?
Because I can't think
of a single thing to say!
something nice about you
as it's your birthday.
Why don't you?
Because I can't think
of a single thing to say!
Jokes number : 51
Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief
for your birthday.
Harry: That was a kind thought. But why
didn't you?
Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.
for your birthday.
Harry: That was a kind thought. But why
didn't you?
Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.
Jokes number : 50
Fred: Have you noticed that your
mother
smells a bit funny these days?
Harry: No. Why?
Fred: Well, your
sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet
water for her
birthday.
mother
smells a bit funny these days?
Harry: No. Why?
Fred: Well, your
sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet
water for her
birthday.
Jokes number : 49
The housewife answered a knock on the door
and found a total
stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me
for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I
pass your
house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that
every day
you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of
bread."
"That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of
bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate
cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
and found a total
stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me
for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I
pass your
house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that
every day
you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of
bread."
"That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of
bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate
cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
Jokes number : 48
Good news! I've been given a goldfish for my
birthday
. . .the bad news is that I don't get the bowl until
my next
birthday!
birthday
. . .the bad news is that I don't get the bowl until
my next
birthday!
Jokes number : 47
"Look at that speed!"
said one hawk to
another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their
heads.
"Hmph!"
snorted the other. "You would fly fast too if your tail was
on
fire!"
said one hawk to
another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their
heads.
"Hmph!"
snorted the other. "You would fly fast too if your tail was
on
fire!"
Friday, August 6, 2010
Jokes number : 46
A couple of pigeons made a
date to meet on
the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The
female was
there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I
was worried sick."
"It was such nice day, I decided to walk."
date to meet on
the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The
female was
there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I
was worried sick."
"It was such nice day, I decided to walk."
Jokes number : 45
How many ducks would there be,
if you saw two
ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two
ducks, and two
ducks behind two ducks?
Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a
row.
if you saw two
ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two
ducks, and two
ducks behind two ducks?
Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a
row.
Jokes number : 44
Why did the chicken cross
the road in
Missouri?
To show the opossum it could be done.
the road in
Missouri?
To show the opossum it could be done.
Jokes number : 43
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and
Christmas???
You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Christmas???
You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Jokes number : 41
Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to
take ballet lessons?
"He wanted to be a hentertainer."
take ballet lessons?
"He wanted to be a hentertainer."
Jokes number : 40
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if
they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels, get
it?).
Because if
they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels, get
it?).
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Jokes number : 36
What do you get if you cross
a giant, hairy
monster with a penguin?
I don't know but it's a very tightfitting
tuxedo.
a giant, hairy
monster with a penguin?
I don't know but it's a very tightfitting
tuxedo.
Jokes number : 35
Two owls were playing pool.
One said, "Two
hits."
The other replied, "Two hits to who?"
One said, "Two
hits."
The other replied, "Two hits to who?"
Jokes number : 32
What did the baby owl's parents say when he
wanted
to go to a party?
You're not owld enough.
wanted
to go to a party?
You're not owld enough.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Jokes number : 29
What do you get if you cross an eagle with a
skunk?
A bird that stinks to high heaven.
skunk?
A bird that stinks to high heaven.
Jokes number : 27
Why were the hens lying on their backs
with
their legs in the air ?
Because eggs were going up !
with
their legs in the air ?
Because eggs were going up !
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Jokes number : 19
What did the baby
chick say when he saw his
mother sitting on an orange ?
'Dad, dad, look what marma-laid'
!
chick say when he saw his
mother sitting on an orange ?
'Dad, dad, look what marma-laid'
!
Jokes number : 18
What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'
?
A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons !
?
A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons !
Monday, August 2, 2010
Jokes number : 11
Why is politics for the birds?
Because
politiciands always parrot the same old lines!
Because
politiciands always parrot the same old lines!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Jokes number : 100
What do you call a parrot when it has dried
itself
after a bath?
Polly unsaturated!
itself
after a bath?
Polly unsaturated!
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