Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Jokes number : 65
Q:
How do you know if a blonde has been
sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk
drive.
How do you know if a blonde has been
sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk
drive.
Jokes number : 64
Q: How do you electrocute a blonde?
A: Tell
her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
A: Tell
her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Jokes number : 62
Q: What is a
blonde's definition of a
naval destroyer?
A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.
blonde's definition of a
naval destroyer?
A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.
Jokes number : 61
Q: Did you hear about the Blonde who got a pair
of water-skis?
A: She's still looking for a lake with a
slope.
of water-skis?
A: She's still looking for a lake with a
slope.
Jokes number : 60
Q:
What do you call a blonde sky diving
team?
A: A new version of the lawn dart's game.
What do you call a blonde sky diving
team?
A: A new version of the lawn dart's game.
Jokes number : 59
Q: Did
you hear about the new blonde
hoodlum?
A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link
fences.
you hear about the new blonde
hoodlum?
A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link
fences.
Jokes number : 58
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that got
pregnant for the second time?
A: She asked her husband if they
needed to get married again.
pregnant for the second time?
A: She asked her husband if they
needed to get married again.
Jokes number : 56
Q: What was the last thing a blonde heard
before
dying of old age?
A: "Today children, we will learn our
ABC's"
before
dying of old age?
A: "Today children, we will learn our
ABC's"
Jokes number : 55
Q: Why will a blonde laugh at a joke
three
times?
A: Once when you tell it, once when you tell her the
punchline, and
once when she gets it.
three
times?
A: Once when you tell it, once when you tell her the
punchline, and
once when she gets it.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Jokes number : 52
Q: Why was the
blonde confused after giving
birth to twins?
A: She couldn't figure out who the other
mother was.
blonde confused after giving
birth to twins?
A: She couldn't figure out who the other
mother was.
Jokes number : 51
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in
front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see
what she looked like asleep.
front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see
what she looked like asleep.
Jokes number : 50
Q: Did you hear about the new form
of birth
control for blondes?
A: They take off their makeup.
of birth
control for blondes?
A: They take off their makeup.
Jokes number : 48
Q: What does a blonde say when you asked her
what the last two
words of the national anthem are?
A: Play
ball.
what the last two
words of the national anthem are?
A: Play
ball.
Jokes number : 47
Q: How do you keep a
blonde in
suspense?
A: Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to
say
'hi.'
blonde in
suspense?
A: Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to
say
'hi.'
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Jokes number : 46
Q: Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on
one buck night?
A: They couldn't fit a deer into the
car.
one buck night?
A: They couldn't fit a deer into the
car.
Jokes number : 45
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that
almost caused a car accident?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew
out.
almost caused a car accident?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew
out.
Jokes number : 43
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: When he
asks for a lifesaver, ask him what flavor he wants.
A: When he
asks for a lifesaver, ask him what flavor he wants.
Jokes number : 40
Q: Why did
the blonde only smell good on
the right side?
A: She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!
the blonde only smell good on
the right side?
A: She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!
Jokes number : 39
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her
cat a bath?
A: She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her
tongue.
cat a bath?
A: She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her
tongue.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Jokes number : 38
Q: Why did it take the blonde a whole
week
to wash three basement windows?
A: It took her six days just to
dig the holes to put the ladder
in.
week
to wash three basement windows?
A: It took her six days just to
dig the holes to put the ladder
in.
Jokes number : 36
Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to
the blonde?
A: It is the one with the kickstand.
the blonde?
A: It is the one with the kickstand.
Jokes number : 34
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90%
of the
net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their
copies of the blonde
joke list.
of the
net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their
copies of the blonde
joke list.
Jokes number : 31
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out
she
was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the
three guys.
she
was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the
three guys.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Jokes number : 30
Q: How can you tell if a
cat is
blonde?
A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its
head.
cat is
blonde?
A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its
head.
Jokes number : 29
Q. How do you know a blonde has been
using
the computer?
A. There is cheese in front of the mouse.
using
the computer?
A. There is cheese in front of the mouse.
Jokes number : 27
Q.How many blonde's does it
take to change
a light bulb?
A. 3. 1 to find the bulb, 1 to find a ladder and 1
to find a man.
take to change
a light bulb?
A. 3. 1 to find the bulb, 1 to find a ladder and 1
to find a man.
Jokes number : 26
Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a
dishwasher?
A.It's cloged up with paper plates.
dishwasher?
A.It's cloged up with paper plates.
Jokes number : 25
Q: How do you recognize a
blonde in
school?
A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the
teacher
erases the board.
blonde in
school?
A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the
teacher
erases the board.
Jokes number : 24
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a
submarine?
A: She demanded $200,000 and a parachute.
submarine?
A: She demanded $200,000 and a parachute.
Jokes number : 23
Q: What did the blonde say
about blonde
jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend
some Puerto
Ricans.
about blonde
jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend
some Puerto
Ricans.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Jokes number : 20
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on
the
top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
the
top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
Jokes number : 17
Q: How can you tell a blonde is being
unfaithful?
A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for
penicillin.
unfaithful?
A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for
penicillin.
Jokes number : 16
Did you hear about the blonde who put
"Sagittarius" at the bottom of application forms where it said "Sign
Here".
"Sagittarius" at the bottom of application forms where it said "Sign
Here".
Jokes number : 15
Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44
bus? She took the 22 twice instead.
bus? She took the 22 twice instead.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Jokes number : 13
A blonde, brunette
and a redhead had a
breaststroke swimming race across the English
Channel. The brunette
came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde
never
finished.
When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't
want to be a
tattletale or anything, but the other two used their
arms.''
and a redhead had a
breaststroke swimming race across the English
Channel. The brunette
came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde
never
finished.
When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't
want to be a
tattletale or anything, but the other two used their
arms.''
Jokes number : 12
A blonde was
bragging about her knowledge
of international capitals.
She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz
me. I know all of them!"
Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's
the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so
easy! F."
bragging about her knowledge
of international capitals.
She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz
me. I know all of them!"
Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's
the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so
easy! F."
Jokes number : 11
A German woman is walking down the street.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams,
''Nein! Nein!'' So two guys walk away.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams,
''Nein! Nein!'' So two guys walk away.
Jokes number : 10
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical
wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the
truth -- if you
lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and
a redhead enter
the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.
The brunette goes
first.
"I think I'm the smartest woman on
earth."
"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p>
"I think I'm
the prettiest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She
disappears. The blonde goes up.
"I think--"
"POOF!"
wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the
truth -- if you
lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and
a redhead enter
the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.
The brunette goes
first.
"I think I'm the smartest woman on
earth."
"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p>
"I think I'm
the prettiest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She
disappears. The blonde goes up.
"I think--"
"POOF!"
Jokes number : 9
At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use
the
infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.
The clerk
explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that
she
would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby
together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and
subtracting the second amount from the first.
"That won't work,"
countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm
the aunt."
the
infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.
The clerk
explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that
she
would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby
together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and
subtracting the second amount from the first.
"That won't work,"
countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm
the aunt."
Jokes number : 8
Q: What is the
difference between blondes
and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.
difference between blondes
and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Jokes number : 7
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that
someone had
already written on the overhead transparency?
A:
She turned it over and used the other side.
someone had
already written on the overhead transparency?
A:
She turned it over and used the other side.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Jokes number : 6
Q: How can you steal the window seat of a
blonde
on a plane going to London?
A: Tell her the seats that are
going to London are all in the middle
row.
blonde
on a plane going to London?
A: Tell her the seats that are
going to London are all in the middle
row.
Jokes number : 5
A blonde calls
her husband at work one day
and asks him, "Can you help me when you
get home?"
"Sure,"
he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard
puzzle and I can't even find the edge
pieces."
"Look on
the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the
puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives
home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the
corn flakes back in
the box."
her husband at work one day
and asks him, "Can you help me when you
get home?"
"Sure,"
he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard
puzzle and I can't even find the edge
pieces."
"Look on
the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the
puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives
home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the
corn flakes back in
the box."
Jokes number : 4
Q: Why did eighteen
blondes go to the
movies together?
A: They heard that under seventeen weren't
admitted!
blondes go to the
movies together?
A: They heard that under seventeen weren't
admitted!
Jokes number : 3
Q: Why couldn't
the blonde write the
number ELEVEN?
A: Because she didn't know which one came first!
the blonde write the
number ELEVEN?
A: Because she didn't know which one came first!
Jokes number : 2
Did you hear about the blonde who
brought
her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
brought
her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Jokes number : 36
A blonde was taking the tour of a national park
not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur
fossils had been found in the area.
The blonde exclaimed,
"Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come
this close to the
highway!"
not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur
fossils had been found in the area.
The blonde exclaimed,
"Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come
this close to the
highway!"
Jokes number : 35
While shopping at the
grocery store, I
noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was
labeled dolphin safe,
but the tuna packed in oil was not.
I mentioned this fact to the
blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I
wonder why?"
The
blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate
them."
grocery store, I
noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was
labeled dolphin safe,
but the tuna packed in oil was not.
I mentioned this fact to the
blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I
wonder why?"
The
blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate
them."
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Jokes number : 34
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac
arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes
of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced
dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year
old
daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one
time)
that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could
they be? She left in the ambulance
forty-five minutes ago!" the
former blonde asked.
arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes
of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced
dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year
old
daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one
time)
that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could
they be? She left in the ambulance
forty-five minutes ago!" the
former blonde asked.
Jokes number : 33
A blonde bought a brand new car and decided
to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She
reached
there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she
decided to
return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening.
But she
didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day
either. When she
finally reached home on the third day, her distraught
mother ran and
asked her what happened?
She got out,
obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
"These car designers
are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but
only one for
going back!"
to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She
reached
there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she
decided to
return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening.
But she
didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day
either. When she
finally reached home on the third day, her distraught
mother ran and
asked her what happened?
She got out,
obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
"These car designers
are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but
only one for
going back!"
Jokes number : 32
A friend meets up with her friend as she is
picking
her car up from the mechanic.
Her friend asks,
"Everything ok with your car now?"
The blonde replies, "Yes, thank
goodness. I was worried that my
mechanic might try to rip me off, so I
was relieved when he told me all I
needed was blinker fluid."
picking
her car up from the mechanic.
Her friend asks,
"Everything ok with your car now?"
The blonde replies, "Yes, thank
goodness. I was worried that my
mechanic might try to rip me off, so I
was relieved when he told me all I
needed was blinker fluid."
Jokes number : 30
Why
don't blondes like to make
Kool-Aid?
They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet.
don't blondes like to make
Kool-Aid?
They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet.
Jokes number : 29
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night...
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night...
Friday, September 10, 2010
Jokes number : 25
Why does a blonde keep
empty beer bottles
in her fridge?
They are for those who don't drink!
empty beer bottles
in her fridge?
They are for those who don't drink!
Jokes number : 24
These two blondes walk into a
building.
You'd think one of them would have seen it.
building.
You'd think one of them would have seen it.
Jokes number : 23
Why did the blonde put her finger
over the
nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
over the
nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
Jokes number : 21
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the
bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.
bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Jokes number : 20
What did the blonde say when she saw the
sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"
sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"
Jokes number : 19
Did you hear about the blonde that
stayed
up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.
stayed
up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Jokes number : 16
Why do blondes have see-through lunch box
tops?
So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on
the
bus.
tops?
So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on
the
bus.
Jokes number : 14
What
is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Jokes number : 13
Did you hear the one about the blonde that had
a problem with
her bed?
She couldn't find a knife large enough
to apply the bed spread.
a problem with
her bed?
She couldn't find a knife large enough
to apply the bed spread.
Jokes number : 12
Hear about the blonde
explorer?
She
bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara
Desert.
explorer?
She
bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara
Desert.
Jokes number : 11
What did the blonde's mother say when she
asked
if she could lick the bowl?
"Just flush it like everybody else
does."
asked
if she could lick the bowl?
"Just flush it like everybody else
does."
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Jokes number : 10
Why did the blonde call the welfare
office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Jokes number : 9
Why did the blond lay out
on the lawn chair
in her bikini at midnight?
She wanted to get a dark tan.
on the lawn chair
in her bikini at midnight?
She wanted to get a dark tan.
Jokes number : 8
Why do
blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you wash all your vegetables!
blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you wash all your vegetables!
Jokes number : 7
Why did the blonde run out of
shampoo?
She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat!
shampoo?
She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat!
Jokes number : 5
Q: What is dumber than the Blonde jokes
above?
A: Me for wasting hours editing and typing these damn things.
above?
A: Me for wasting hours editing and typing these damn things.
Jokes number : 4
Q: What thoughts
do Blondes have after
reading these jokes?
A: None, as usual... and they most likely didn't
understand them
either.
do Blondes have after
reading these jokes?
A: None, as usual... and they most likely didn't
understand them
either.
Jokes number : 3
Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7
days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Jokes number : 2
Q: Why do
Blondes wear padded
shoulders?
A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing their from head side
to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a
question.
Blondes wear padded
shoulders?
A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing their from head side
to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a
question.
Jokes number : 1
Q.) What happens when a Blonde eats a mosquito?
A.) She has more brain cells in her stomach than her head.
A.) She has more brain cells in her stomach than her head.
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