What did the parrot say when he was using the
Internet?
P.Cs of eight, P.Cs of eight.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Jokes number : 97
Teacher: What's the definition of a
Polygamist?
Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!
Polygamist?
Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Jokes number : 89
What do you get if you cross a bee with a
parrot?
An animal that's always telling you how busy it is!
parrot?
An animal that's always telling you how busy it is!
Jokes number : 87
Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage?
Pupil: For a parrot to perch on, miss.
Pupil: For a parrot to perch on, miss.
Jokes number : 85
Q: Why did the chicken say,
"Meow, oink,
bow-wow, and moo?"
A: He was studying foreign languages.
"Meow, oink,
bow-wow, and moo?"
A: He was studying foreign languages.
Jokes number : 84
What is the difference between a fly and a bird
?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird !
?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird !
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Jokes number : 81
Why does a flamingo lift up one leg ?
Because
if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !
Because
if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Jokes number : 74
Why did the chick
disappoint his mother ?
He wasn't what he was cracked up to be !
disappoint his mother ?
He wasn't what he was cracked up to be !
Jokes number : 73
What did one chicken say to the other after they
walked through poison ivy ?
"You scratch my beak and I'll
scratch yours !"
walked through poison ivy ?
"You scratch my beak and I'll
scratch yours !"
Jokes number : 70
What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of
fried chicken ?
She kicked the bucket !
fried chicken ?
She kicked the bucket !
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Jokes number : 64
What happened to the chicken whose feathers were
all
pointing the wrong way ?
She was tickled to death !
all
pointing the wrong way ?
She was tickled to death !
Jokes number : 60
Why does a chicken coop have two doors
?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
Jokes number : 59
What do you call a rooster who
wakes you up
at the same time every morning ?
An alarm cluck !
wakes you up
at the same time every morning ?
An alarm cluck !
Monday, July 26, 2010
Jokes number : 56
Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross
the
road ?
Because he didn't have enough guts
the
road ?
Because he didn't have enough guts
Jokes number : 54
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court
?
He heard the referee calling fowls
?
He heard the referee calling fowls
Jokes number : 52
Why did the parrot wear a raincoat ?
Because
she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated !
Because
she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated !
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Jokes number : 47
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker
with a carrier pigeon ?
A bird who knocks before delivering its
message !
with a carrier pigeon ?
A bird who knocks before delivering its
message !
Jokes number : 44
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a
woodpecker ?
A bird that talks in morse code !
woodpecker ?
A bird that talks in morse code !
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Jokes number : 41
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a
shark ?
A bird that will talk you ear off !
shark ?
A bird that will talk you ear off !
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Jokes number : 21
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land
safely ?
With it's sparrowchute !
safely ?
With it's sparrowchute !
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Jokes number : 12
What's brown and white and flies all
over?
Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chain saw!
over?
Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chain saw!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Jokes number : 9
Late one night, a burglar
broke into a house
he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but
suddenly he froze in his tracks
when he heard a loud voice say:
"Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the
burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice
boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he
looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a
bird cage and in the cage
was a parrot.
He asked the parrot:
"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", said the
parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the
parrot: "What's
your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot
named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who
named the Rottweiller
Jesus."
broke into a house
he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but
suddenly he froze in his tracks
when he heard a loud voice say:
"Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the
burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice
boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he
looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a
bird cage and in the cage
was a parrot.
He asked the parrot:
"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", said the
parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the
parrot: "What's
your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot
named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who
named the Rottweiller
Jesus."
Jokes number : 4
Q: How so you call a
member of the
finacial staff of the faculty of Biology?
A: A Buy-ologist.
member of the
finacial staff of the faculty of Biology?
A: A Buy-ologist.
Jokes number : 3
"A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a
pint of Adenosinetriphosphate.
The barman says "That'll be 80p
[ATP]!"
pint of Adenosinetriphosphate.
The barman says "That'll be 80p
[ATP]!"
Monday, July 19, 2010
Jokes number : 2
An
old mountain man in Arkansas was sick
and bedridden. He had not been
outdoors for a few weeks and had a
sharp craving for a meal of wild
squirrel. He summoned his
half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to
go squirrel hunting and
bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told
his son to be very
careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he
would need its
brains later to "tan" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a
skin using the
animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas,
it
generally takes about one brain to tan one skin).
The idiot son spent
most of the day searching the woods for tree
squirrels, but was not
having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree,
he spotted a
squirrel's head sticking out from a hole. He remembered
his Pa's
admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have
another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains.
r
His sick Pa was upset, "I can't tan that skin without no brains!"
he
said, "Now what am I a gonna do?" Thinking quickly, he
remembered
that up on the river there were 3 fisheries biologists doing some
field
work.
"Well, we're only tanning one squirrel skin,
walk up the river and
shoot one of them dang fish biologists and
I'll use his brains to tan
the skin," he told the son. The son did as
he was told and soon returned
with the prize. As it turned out, the
brain wasn't large enough and
the boy was upset as he would have
to make another trip to harvest the
other two biologist's
brains.
"Look on the bright side, boy", the old man told him, "Two more
ought to be just enough. We'd have been in real trouble if they was
BOTANISTS!"
old mountain man in Arkansas was sick
and bedridden. He had not been
outdoors for a few weeks and had a
sharp craving for a meal of wild
squirrel. He summoned his
half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to
go squirrel hunting and
bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told
his son to be very
careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he
would need its
brains later to "tan" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a
skin using the
animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas,
it
generally takes about one brain to tan one skin).
The idiot son spent
most of the day searching the woods for tree
squirrels, but was not
having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree,
he spotted a
squirrel's head sticking out from a hole. He remembered
his Pa's
admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have
another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains.
r
His sick Pa was upset, "I can't tan that skin without no brains!"
he
said, "Now what am I a gonna do?" Thinking quickly, he
remembered
that up on the river there were 3 fisheries biologists doing some
field
work.
"Well, we're only tanning one squirrel skin,
walk up the river and
shoot one of them dang fish biologists and
I'll use his brains to tan
the skin," he told the son. The son did as
he was told and soon returned
with the prize. As it turned out, the
brain wasn't large enough and
the boy was upset as he would have
to make another trip to harvest the
other two biologist's
brains.
"Look on the bright side, boy", the old man told him, "Two more
ought to be just enough. We'd have been in real trouble if they was
BOTANISTS!"
Jokes number : 1
A biologist had been
working on a remote
research project in the Amazon jungle. Upon his
return to the
States, he came down with a terrible illness. After his health
had
deteriorated, his wife took him to a doctor who specialized in
strange
jungle diseases. The doctor gave him a complete examination and a
series of tests. After receiving the results of the tests, the doctor
called the wife into his office alone. He told the young biologist's
wife, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease,
combined
with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your
husband will
surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be
pleasant,
and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a
nutritious
meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for
him. Don't burden him
with chores, and generally do anything he asks.
Don't discuss your
problems with him, as it will only make
his stress worse. And most
importantly, make love with your
husband several times a week and satisfy his
every whim. " If you can do
this for the next 10 months or so, I think
your husband will regain
his health completely. Otherwise.......well...
He'll probably
die"
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the
doctor
say?"
she replied. "Honey.....he says you're probably
going to die."
working on a remote
research project in the Amazon jungle. Upon his
return to the
States, he came down with a terrible illness. After his health
had
deteriorated, his wife took him to a doctor who specialized in
strange
jungle diseases. The doctor gave him a complete examination and a
series of tests. After receiving the results of the tests, the doctor
called the wife into his office alone. He told the young biologist's
wife, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease,
combined
with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your
husband will
surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be
pleasant,
and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a
nutritious
meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for
him. Don't burden him
with chores, and generally do anything he asks.
Don't discuss your
problems with him, as it will only make
his stress worse. And most
importantly, make love with your
husband several times a week and satisfy his
every whim. " If you can do
this for the next 10 months or so, I think
your husband will regain
his health completely. Otherwise.......well...
He'll probably
die"
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the
doctor
say?"
she replied. "Honey.....he says you're probably
going to die."
Jokes number : 100
A
group of goose biologists were meeting
to brainstorm about the migration
tactics of Canada geese. They
were particularly interested in applying
for a $100,000 Federal grant
to investigate the "V" formation of goose
flight. It had been
observed that one side of the "V" is always
longer than the other side.
This group would put together a research
proposal to apply for the
$100,000 grant and hopefully find out why this
happens.
To
start off the discussion, Todd, the Consulting Firm Biologist stands
up and says in typical consultant fashion, "I say we ask for $200,000,
and attempt to model the wind drag coefficients. We can have our
geologists record and map the ground topography and then our staff
meteorologists can predict potential updraft currents. Our internal
CAD
department can then produce 3-d drawings of the predicted wing
tip vortices.
Then, after several years of study, our in-house
publications department
could produce a nice thick report full of
charts and graphs."
The Senior Research Biologist, a professor
at the local university,
cleared his throat and responded, "No, no!,
That's not it at all. We
only need $150,000. We can train a group
of domesticated geese to fly in
formations of equal length and then
compare their relative fitness to
wild geese. We can then publish
the results in the Journal of Wildlife
Management.
About
then, the hardworking field biologist stands up and begins
walking for
the door. "Where are you going?" the group asks. "I'm
leaving" he
replies, "I've heard enough. No one has to give me $100,000 to
find out that the reason one side of the "V" is longer is simply
because there are more damn geese on that side!"
group of goose biologists were meeting
to brainstorm about the migration
tactics of Canada geese. They
were particularly interested in applying
for a $100,000 Federal grant
to investigate the "V" formation of goose
flight. It had been
observed that one side of the "V" is always
longer than the other side.
This group would put together a research
proposal to apply for the
$100,000 grant and hopefully find out why this
happens.
To
start off the discussion, Todd, the Consulting Firm Biologist stands
up and says in typical consultant fashion, "I say we ask for $200,000,
and attempt to model the wind drag coefficients. We can have our
geologists record and map the ground topography and then our staff
meteorologists can predict potential updraft currents. Our internal
CAD
department can then produce 3-d drawings of the predicted wing
tip vortices.
Then, after several years of study, our in-house
publications department
could produce a nice thick report full of
charts and graphs."
The Senior Research Biologist, a professor
at the local university,
cleared his throat and responded, "No, no!,
That's not it at all. We
only need $150,000. We can train a group
of domesticated geese to fly in
formations of equal length and then
compare their relative fitness to
wild geese. We can then publish
the results in the Journal of Wildlife
Management.
About
then, the hardworking field biologist stands up and begins
walking for
the door. "Where are you going?" the group asks. "I'm
leaving" he
replies, "I've heard enough. No one has to give me $100,000 to
find out that the reason one side of the "V" is longer is simply
because there are more damn geese on that side!"
Jokes number : 99
A biologist from the North Pole was showing
a new
recruit the ropes of a polar bear radio tracking program. The
new
recruit said, "I know how the transmitters work, but I have one
question--how do you catch the polar bears in the first place?" "I
bet you use
high-powered tranquilizer dart guns, right?"
"Oh
no!" the experienced biologist replied, "we use an ancient
Eskimo
technique, developed centuries ago. First, we dig a huge hole in the
ice. Next, we place a circle of green peas all the way around the hole.
Then, we go hide behind some ice blocks and wait. Finally, when a
polar
bear comes up to take a pea, we kick him in the ice-hole
!!!"
a new
recruit the ropes of a polar bear radio tracking program. The
new
recruit said, "I know how the transmitters work, but I have one
question--how do you catch the polar bears in the first place?" "I
bet you use
high-powered tranquilizer dart guns, right?"
"Oh
no!" the experienced biologist replied, "we use an ancient
Eskimo
technique, developed centuries ago. First, we dig a huge hole in the
ice. Next, we place a circle of green peas all the way around the hole.
Then, we go hide behind some ice blocks and wait. Finally, when a
polar
bear comes up to take a pea, we kick him in the ice-hole
!!!"
Jokes number : 98
There were these two Engineers who decided
they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As
it
happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they
were
about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time
dragging the
animal by the hind legs when a Wildlife Biologist
happened upon them.
He said, "You know, the hair follicles on a moose
have a grain to them
that causes the hair to lie toward the back.
The way you are dragging
that
moose, it increases your coefficient
of friction by a huge margin. If
you
grab it by the antlers and
pull, you will find the work required to be
quite
minimal."
The Engineers thanked him and started dragging the moose by the
antlers. After about an hour, one Engineer said, "I can't believe how
easy
it is to move this moose this way. I sure am glad we ran
across that
Biologist."
"Yeah.", said the other. "But we'
re getting further and further
away from our truck."
they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As
it
happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they
were
about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time
dragging the
animal by the hind legs when a Wildlife Biologist
happened upon them.
He said, "You know, the hair follicles on a moose
have a grain to them
that causes the hair to lie toward the back.
The way you are dragging
that
moose, it increases your coefficient
of friction by a huge margin. If
you
grab it by the antlers and
pull, you will find the work required to be
quite
minimal."
The Engineers thanked him and started dragging the moose by the
antlers. After about an hour, one Engineer said, "I can't believe how
easy
it is to move this moose this way. I sure am glad we ran
across that
Biologist."
"Yeah.", said the other. "But we'
re getting further and further
away from our truck."
Jokes number : 97
A
young biologist was sitting on a stump
at the edge of their camp. On his
face was the saddest hangdog
expression. One of the other biologists
saw his sad looks and asked,
"What's the matter?"
The young biologist said, "They put me in
the same tent with old
Doctor Perkins. He snores all night, takes a
bath once a month, and talks
non-stop about back when he studied
passenger pigeons. He's so damn old,
I think he was a lackey for
Charles Darwin. He generally just makes my
life Hell. We had a big
fight about it and they split us up for a
month"
The older
biologist said, "That should make you happy."
The young biologist
sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month
is up today!"
young biologist was sitting on a stump
at the edge of their camp. On his
face was the saddest hangdog
expression. One of the other biologists
saw his sad looks and asked,
"What's the matter?"
The young biologist said, "They put me in
the same tent with old
Doctor Perkins. He snores all night, takes a
bath once a month, and talks
non-stop about back when he studied
passenger pigeons. He's so damn old,
I think he was a lackey for
Charles Darwin. He generally just makes my
life Hell. We had a big
fight about it and they split us up for a
month"
The older
biologist said, "That should make you happy."
The young biologist
sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month
is up today!"
Jokes number : 96
A wildlife biologist is working in the
woods,
miles from the nearest town. He's camped alone with his dog and
cat as
his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small
limp dog,
franticly runs into his camp.
"Please, please help
me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our
Winnebago is parked
just around the bend and we've seen you camped
here. We didn't
know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen
all this
scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?"
" Sir, I'm
not a vet, I'm a wildlife biologist," the young
biologist told the
worried man.
"Can you please just have a look at him, I'll pay you
anything you
need. I just need to know. If he's still alive, maybe
I can rush him
into town."
"Ok, put him here on the table." The
young biologist looks the limp
dog over, but its plain that the dog
is dead,, no pulse or signs of
breathing.
"I'm sorry
sir, but I'm afraid poor Willie is dead."
"No, I can't believe
that..... It can't be true...are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm quite
sure."
"I just can't believe that....With all this equipment, isn't
there
something you can do? I must be absolutely sure."
The
biologist called his big yellow cat over to the table. The cat
walked
around the dead dog, occasionally sniffing at the carcass. He then
looks
up at the biologist and let out a few weak meows.
"Well, the cat say
he's dead. Does that assure you?"
"No, I need more than that...Do
you have anything else?"
The biologist calls over his big black dog.
The dog circles the body a
few times, sniffing it every now and
then. After a few moments, the dog
barks at the biologist.
"Well,
now the dog says he's dead. That's all I can do for you
sir."
"OK, well I guess its true. I'll take him back and bury him...How
much do I owe you?"
"It'll be $650 bucks." The biologist tells
the old man.
"What??", replied the old man, "How can you charge
that much??!!"
"Well sir, I could have told you he was dead for only a
dollar, but
you're the one that insisted on the cat scan and the
lab tests!"
woods,
miles from the nearest town. He's camped alone with his dog and
cat as
his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small
limp dog,
franticly runs into his camp.
"Please, please help
me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our
Winnebago is parked
just around the bend and we've seen you camped
here. We didn't
know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen
all this
scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?"
" Sir, I'm
not a vet, I'm a wildlife biologist," the young
biologist told the
worried man.
"Can you please just have a look at him, I'll pay you
anything you
need. I just need to know. If he's still alive, maybe
I can rush him
into town."
"Ok, put him here on the table." The
young biologist looks the limp
dog over, but its plain that the dog
is dead,, no pulse or signs of
breathing.
"I'm sorry
sir, but I'm afraid poor Willie is dead."
"No, I can't believe
that..... It can't be true...are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm quite
sure."
"I just can't believe that....With all this equipment, isn't
there
something you can do? I must be absolutely sure."
The
biologist called his big yellow cat over to the table. The cat
walked
around the dead dog, occasionally sniffing at the carcass. He then
looks
up at the biologist and let out a few weak meows.
"Well, the cat say
he's dead. Does that assure you?"
"No, I need more than that...Do
you have anything else?"
The biologist calls over his big black dog.
The dog circles the body a
few times, sniffing it every now and
then. After a few moments, the dog
barks at the biologist.
"Well,
now the dog says he's dead. That's all I can do for you
sir."
"OK, well I guess its true. I'll take him back and bury him...How
much do I owe you?"
"It'll be $650 bucks." The biologist tells
the old man.
"What??", replied the old man, "How can you charge
that much??!!"
"Well sir, I could have told you he was dead for only a
dollar, but
you're the one that insisted on the cat scan and the
lab tests!"
Jokes number : 95
A University had advertised for two
biologists to help in their
mammalogy department, specifically with a group
of captive grizzly bears.
They had only two applicants - a
beautiful young women biologist and an
older male biologist.
The
mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can
handle
working with such fierce creatures so he decided to test their
skills with the bears. The two hopefuls followed him out to the bear pen.
He first asked the young women to show him what she could do.
She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the largest
bear
walked up and nuzzled her bare legs.
The astonished
mammalogist then said to the old man, "Can you
do that?"
"You're darn right I can," said the old man, "just get that bear
out of
there first !"
biologists to help in their
mammalogy department, specifically with a group
of captive grizzly bears.
They had only two applicants - a
beautiful young women biologist and an
older male biologist.
The
mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can
handle
working with such fierce creatures so he decided to test their
skills with the bears. The two hopefuls followed him out to the bear pen.
He first asked the young women to show him what she could do.
She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the largest
bear
walked up and nuzzled her bare legs.
The astonished
mammalogist then said to the old man, "Can you
do that?"
"You're darn right I can," said the old man, "just get that bear
out of
there first !"
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Jokes number : 94
An 8th grade boy was doing some
research
for his career report at school. He asks his dad, "Father, how
many
wildlife biologists work for the Federal Government?"
"The
honest father replies, "Oh, I would say at least half of
'em."
research
for his career report at school. He asks his dad, "Father, how
many
wildlife biologists work for the Federal Government?"
"The
honest father replies, "Oh, I would say at least half of
'em."
Jokes number : 93
Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska
studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on
the
ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the
small town
and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the
only bar in town.
On one particular day it was 40 below zero and
Garvin made his way into
the bar. He asked Bud, the bartender, for a
whiskey.
"I don't know, Garvin, you sure have run-up a big
bill in here." The
bartender told him.
" I know," Garvin replied,
"But I'm flat broke, and I sure could
use a drink.
"OK," The
barkeep told him, "I'll just write your tab down on the
piece of
paper and pin it up here by the coat rack."
"Oh no, don't do that, I
don't want everyone in town to see it.
"Don't worry," The bartender
replied, "I'm going to cover it up
with your parka until its
paid!"
studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on
the
ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the
small town
and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the
only bar in town.
On one particular day it was 40 below zero and
Garvin made his way into
the bar. He asked Bud, the bartender, for a
whiskey.
"I don't know, Garvin, you sure have run-up a big
bill in here." The
bartender told him.
" I know," Garvin replied,
"But I'm flat broke, and I sure could
use a drink.
"OK," The
barkeep told him, "I'll just write your tab down on the
piece of
paper and pin it up here by the coat rack."
"Oh no, don't do that, I
don't want everyone in town to see it.
"Don't worry," The bartender
replied, "I'm going to cover it up
with your parka until its
paid!"
Jokes number : 92
A logger is driving down the highway and
sees two botanists
trying to measure the height of a small pine tree.
Their tape measure is
not long enough so one botanist stands on the
shoulders of the other
and attempts to extend the tape to the tree
top but it is not long
enough. While trying, he falls to the
ground. They attempt this about five
times and each time the top botanist
falls. The logger is laughing but
feels sorry for the pair, gets
out of his truck, takes out an electric
saw and cuts down the tree.
The botanists are looking at him like he is
crazy. He then takes a
tape measure and measures the tree. "OK guys,
the tree is 14' 6."
He then gets in his truck and drives away. The two
botanists are
stunned and speechless. Finally one says to the other
,"How do you
like that, we are trying to measure the height of the tree
and that
stupid jerk measures the width."
sees two botanists
trying to measure the height of a small pine tree.
Their tape measure is
not long enough so one botanist stands on the
shoulders of the other
and attempts to extend the tape to the tree
top but it is not long
enough. While trying, he falls to the
ground. They attempt this about five
times and each time the top botanist
falls. The logger is laughing but
feels sorry for the pair, gets
out of his truck, takes out an electric
saw and cuts down the tree.
The botanists are looking at him like he is
crazy. He then takes a
tape measure and measures the tree. "OK guys,
the tree is 14' 6."
He then gets in his truck and drives away. The two
botanists are
stunned and speechless. Finally one says to the other
,"How do you
like that, we are trying to measure the height of the tree
and that
stupid jerk measures the width."
Jokes number : 91
Ben was assigned a new wildlife technician
and she was driving
him crazy. She was blonde and pretty and
insisted on carrying beauty
products in a little field bag - nail polish,
hair care products, gels,
creams and so on.
One day they
were driving the rugged four-wheel drive down a dirt road
when a big
rabbit ran in front of them and was hit by the truck. Ben
pulls
over and walks back to the dead rabbit. He felt terrible, but there
was clearly nothing he could do for the dead creature.
His blonde
partner pipes in and yells, "Waite, I have just the
thing!"
She races back to the truck and begins to rifle through her beauty
products. Ben watches as brushes and combs fly from the bag. Finally
she
races back with an aerosol can and sprays the dead rabbit with
it's
contents. Immediately the rabbit springs to its feet, waves
goodbye, hops a
few feet, pauses and waves again. The rabbit repe
ats this strange
behavior...wave-hop-wave-hop, until it disappears
over the hill.
Ben is amazed and asks, "What in the world is in
that can?"
The blonde biologists says, " Duh...look at the
label"
You guessed it....
"Hair Spray .... Immediately
revives dead hair and creates a permanent
wave"
and she was driving
him crazy. She was blonde and pretty and
insisted on carrying beauty
products in a little field bag - nail polish,
hair care products, gels,
creams and so on.
One day they
were driving the rugged four-wheel drive down a dirt road
when a big
rabbit ran in front of them and was hit by the truck. Ben
pulls
over and walks back to the dead rabbit. He felt terrible, but there
was clearly nothing he could do for the dead creature.
His blonde
partner pipes in and yells, "Waite, I have just the
thing!"
She races back to the truck and begins to rifle through her beauty
products. Ben watches as brushes and combs fly from the bag. Finally
she
races back with an aerosol can and sprays the dead rabbit with
it's
contents. Immediately the rabbit springs to its feet, waves
goodbye, hops a
few feet, pauses and waves again. The rabbit repe
ats this strange
behavior...wave-hop-wave-hop, until it disappears
over the hill.
Ben is amazed and asks, "What in the world is in
that can?"
The blonde biologists says, " Duh...look at the
label"
You guessed it....
"Hair Spray .... Immediately
revives dead hair and creates a permanent
wave"
Jokes number : 90
Dan had been studying whales for over 20
years and had made some thrilling breakthroughs regarding their
communication. He had managed to decode many of their underwater sounds
and to
translate them into English. His latest research had proved
that they
can communicate over a distance of 300 miles. When asked
what could they
possibly have to say at such distances he replied,
"As best as we can figure, it is something like - Hey, can you
hear me
now?
years and had made some thrilling breakthroughs regarding their
communication. He had managed to decode many of their underwater sounds
and to
translate them into English. His latest research had proved
that they
can communicate over a distance of 300 miles. When asked
what could they
possibly have to say at such distances he replied,
"As best as we can figure, it is something like - Hey, can you
hear me
now?
Jokes number : 89
A wildlife biologist crew
leader has
several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews
camped and
worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair
every
few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting
nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they
might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them
a
visit.
"Is anything funny going on here"? he
asked.
"What do you mean by that?" the pair asked back.
"I mean, you're not
getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you
know, maybe doing
something you're not supposed to do?"
"Absolutely not!" the Jim
replied. " We are strictly co-workers"
"Oh yes," the Sarah replied, " We
hike all day, record our data,
return back, and fall asleep
exhausted.
"That's right!" Jim replied, "and me in my tent, and she in
hers!"
The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th
e field with
the pair. He left the field early, returned to camp,
retrieved his Jeep
and left the area.
The following day, the
biologist pair had lost their $1000 GPS unit.
They searched high
and low, but could not find it. It had simply
disappeared from their
camp. After a few frantic days, they suspected that the
crew leader
had taken it. It was the only plausible explanation. That
evening,
they called him on the 2-way radio, and politely asked weather
he
may have inadvertently taken the unit.
"As a matter of fact, I
did take it the day I came up to see if you
two were sleeping
together. After realizing I had accidentally taken it
with me from the
field, I placed it in Sarah's sleeping bag where she
would be sure to
find it!"
leader has
several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews
camped and
worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair
every
few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting
nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they
might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them
a
visit.
"Is anything funny going on here"? he
asked.
"What do you mean by that?" the pair asked back.
"I mean, you're not
getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you
know, maybe doing
something you're not supposed to do?"
"Absolutely not!" the Jim
replied. " We are strictly co-workers"
"Oh yes," the Sarah replied, " We
hike all day, record our data,
return back, and fall asleep
exhausted.
"That's right!" Jim replied, "and me in my tent, and she in
hers!"
The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th
e field with
the pair. He left the field early, returned to camp,
retrieved his Jeep
and left the area.
The following day, the
biologist pair had lost their $1000 GPS unit.
They searched high
and low, but could not find it. It had simply
disappeared from their
camp. After a few frantic days, they suspected that the
crew leader
had taken it. It was the only plausible explanation. That
evening,
they called him on the 2-way radio, and politely asked weather
he
may have inadvertently taken the unit.
"As a matter of fact, I
did take it the day I came up to see if you
two were sleeping
together. After realizing I had accidentally taken it
with me from the
field, I placed it in Sarah's sleeping bag where she
would be sure to
find it!"
Jokes number : 88
A pair of biologists are studying terns on a
rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of
the
island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot
farm. This
happens several times and the local law enforcement
refuses to
investigate.
On their last day on the island they
happen into a huge pile of
harvested grass that has been set out to dry.
Quickly they decide to set it on
fire to pay the thugs back for
shooting at them. The fire takes off and
sends plumes of smoke into
the sky. As they are running for their boat,
they notice that the
soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling out of
control and crashing
into the trees.
The next day they read the headlines in the
local paper:
Pot Farm Burns - No Tern Left Unstoned.
rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of
the
island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot
farm. This
happens several times and the local law enforcement
refuses to
investigate.
On their last day on the island they
happen into a huge pile of
harvested grass that has been set out to dry.
Quickly they decide to set it on
fire to pay the thugs back for
shooting at them. The fire takes off and
sends plumes of smoke into
the sky. As they are running for their boat,
they notice that the
soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling out of
control and crashing
into the trees.
The next day they read the headlines in the
local paper:
Pot Farm Burns - No Tern Left Unstoned.
Jokes number : 87
A young wildlife biologist got fired from
his first real
wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked
him what happened.
"You know what a crew boss is?" he asked.
"The one who stands around
and watches everyone else work."
"What's that got to do with it?" they asked.
"Well, he just got
jealous of me," the young biologist explained.
"Everyone thought I
was the crew boss."
his first real
wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked
him what happened.
"You know what a crew boss is?" he asked.
"The one who stands around
and watches everyone else work."
"What's that got to do with it?" they asked.
"Well, he just got
jealous of me," the young biologist explained.
"Everyone thought I
was the crew boss."
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Jokes number : 86
How many biologists does
it take to
change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it and three to write the
environmental-impact
statement.
it take to
change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it and three to write the
environmental-impact
statement.
Jokes number : 85
How many evolutionists does it take to
change a light
bulb?
Only one, but it takes eight million years.
change a light
bulb?
Only one, but it takes eight million years.
Jokes number : 84
A young college student had
stayed up
all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he
entered
the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a
sack
over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front
row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor
announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and
give the
common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.
The
student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same
to him.
He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and
now
had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it,
the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to
the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could
anyone
tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?"
With that
the student threw his test on the professor's desk an
d walked out the
door.
The professor was surprised. The
class was so big that he didn't know
every student's name, so as the
student reached the door the professor
called, "Mister, what's
your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said,
"You guess,
buddy! You guess!"
stayed up
all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he
entered
the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a
sack
over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front
row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor
announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and
give the
common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.
The
student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same
to him.
He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and
now
had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it,
the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to
the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could
anyone
tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?"
With that
the student threw his test on the professor's desk an
d walked out the
door.
The professor was surprised. The
class was so big that he didn't know
every student's name, so as the
student reached the door the professor
called, "Mister, what's
your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said,
"You guess,
buddy! You guess!"
Jokes number : 83
While driving down a steep and curvy logging
road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and
careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the
canyon,
and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to
heaven. At an
orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket
and your
friends and family are mourning about your death, what would
you like to
hear them say about you?"
The first guy, a well
known botanist says, "I would like to hear them
say that I was one
of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an
eternal
contribution to the botanical world."
The second guy, an ornithologist,
says, "I would like to hear that I
was a wonderful birder and made a
huge difference in the recovery of our
bird
populations."
The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear
them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "
road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and
careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the
canyon,
and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to
heaven. At an
orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket
and your
friends and family are mourning about your death, what would
you like to
hear them say about you?"
The first guy, a well
known botanist says, "I would like to hear them
say that I was one
of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an
eternal
contribution to the botanical world."
The second guy, an ornithologist,
says, "I would like to hear that I
was a wonderful birder and made a
huge difference in the recovery of our
bird
populations."
The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear
them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "
Friday, July 16, 2010
Jokes number : 76
Why can't an elephant ride a
bicycle?
Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.
bicycle?
Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.
Jokes number : 73
A math student who used to come to the
university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
"Where
did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know. "It's a
`thank
you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've
been
tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..." "Tell us!" "Well",
he
starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that
she had
passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to
thank me in
person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her
bicycle. But when I had
let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes
off, lay down on my bed,
smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me
whatever you desire!'"
One of his friends remarks: "You made a
really smart choice when you
took the bicycle." "Yeah", another friend
adds, "just imagine how
silly you would have looked in a girl's
clothes - and they wouldn't have
fit you anyway!"
university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
"Where
did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know. "It's a
`thank
you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've
been
tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..." "Tell us!" "Well",
he
starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that
she had
passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to
thank me in
person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her
bicycle. But when I had
let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes
off, lay down on my bed,
smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me
whatever you desire!'"
One of his friends remarks: "You made a
really smart choice when you
took the bicycle." "Yeah", another friend
adds, "just imagine how
silly you would have looked in a girl's
clothes - and they wouldn't have
fit you anyway!"
Jokes number : 72
The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing,
runs into a man, and
they both fall down. -"Geez, are you lucky." The
cyclist says.
-"What do you mean by lucky ?" The pedestrian angrily
asks. "I got hurt
really bad." -"Ah, you're lucky because I
recently lost my license. I
usually drive a bus."
runs into a man, and
they both fall down. -"Geez, are you lucky." The
cyclist says.
-"What do you mean by lucky ?" The pedestrian angrily
asks. "I got hurt
really bad." -"Ah, you're lucky because I
recently lost my license. I
usually drive a bus."
Jokes number : 71
Q: How many bikers does it take
to change
a light bulb?
A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the
other to kick the
switch.
to change
a light bulb?
A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the
other to kick the
switch.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Jokes number : 70
The school teacher was furious when Brad
knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard.
"Don't
you know how to ride that yet?" he roared.
"Oh yes!" shouted Brad
over his shoulder.
"It's the bell I can't work yet.
knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard.
"Don't
you know how to ride that yet?" he roared.
"Oh yes!" shouted Brad
over his shoulder.
"It's the bell I can't work yet.
Jokes number : 68
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new
bicycle and
called out to his mother to watch his tricks.
'Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No
teeth!'
bicycle and
called out to his mother to watch his tricks.
'Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No
teeth!'
Jokes number : 65
Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill,
but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said:
'I
didn't think we'd make it!' Jill replied,
'Nor did I - what
a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we'd have
slid all the way
back down!'
but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said:
'I
didn't think we'd make it!' Jill replied,
'Nor did I - what
a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we'd have
slid all the way
back down!'
Jokes number : 64
A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked
down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself
off,
then turned to the little boy and said,
'Don't you
know how to ride a bike?'
'Yes,' he answered, 'but I don't
know how to ring the bell yet'
down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself
off,
then turned to the little boy and said,
'Don't you
know how to ride a bike?'
'Yes,' he answered, 'but I don't
know how to ring the bell yet'
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Jokes number : 62
What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed
with
him?
Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.
with
him?
Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.
Jokes number : 58
How do you know when there is an elephant under
your bed ?
When your nose touches the ceiling !
your bed ?
When your nose touches the ceiling !
Jokes number : 57
What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog
asleep on your bed?
Sleep on the sofa.
asleep on your bed?
Sleep on the sofa.
Jokes number : 55
I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off
and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me
and said: "Good grief, where are your feet?"
I must have left
them in bed !
and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me
and said: "Good grief, where are your feet?"
I must have left
them in bed !
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Jokes number : 45
Sonny: I can't sleep. What should I
do?
Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to
drop
off!
do?
Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to
drop
off!
Jokes number : 44
Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make
your bed?
Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to
keep
count!
your bed?
Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to
keep
count!
Jokes number : 41
Why did your sister keep running
around her
bed ?
Because she was trying to catch up with her sleep.
around her
bed ?
Because she was trying to catch up with her sleep.
Jokes number : 39
Mother: Did you make your bed today?
Daughter:
Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.
Daughter:
Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Jokes number : 35
Why did the girl put her bed in the fireplace?
Because she wanted to sleep like a log.
Because she wanted to sleep like a log.
Jokes number : 34
A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her
house after
dark. 'Hello, Jenny,' said the neighbour. 'Isn't it
time for little
girls to be in bed?'
'How would I know?'
asked Jenny. 'I haven't got any little
girls.'
house after
dark. 'Hello, Jenny,' said the neighbour. 'Isn't it
time for little
girls to be in bed?'
'How would I know?'
asked Jenny. 'I haven't got any little
girls.'
Jokes number : 33
I'd love you to stay the night, but I'm
afraid you'll have to make your own bed.
Oh, that's all right, I
don't mind at all.
Right. Here's a hammer, a saw, and some
nails. The wood's in the
garage.
I have four legs, but only one
foot. What am I?
A bed
afraid you'll have to make your own bed.
Oh, that's all right, I
don't mind at all.
Right. Here's a hammer, a saw, and some
nails. The wood's in the
garage.
I have four legs, but only one
foot. What am I?
A bed
Jokes number : 31
Three boys were sharing
the same bed on
holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided
to sleep on the
floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he
might as well
get in to bed again. There's lots of room now,' he
said.
the same bed on
holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided
to sleep on the
floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he
might as well
get in to bed again. There's lots of room now,' he
said.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Jokes number : 30
I'd like to buy a bed,
please.
Certainly,
madam. Spring mattress?
Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all
year.
please.
Certainly,
madam. Spring mattress?
Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all
year.
Jokes number : 29
You can't have any more chocolates tonight. It's
not
good for you to go to bed on a full stomach.
Oh, Mum. I
promise I'll lay on my side.
not
good for you to go to bed on a full stomach.
Oh, Mum. I
promise I'll lay on my side.
Jokes number : 27
Did you hear about the granny who plugged her
electric blanket into the toaster by mistake?
She spent the night
popping out of bed.
electric blanket into the toaster by mistake?
She spent the night
popping out of bed.
Jokes number : 26
I was once in a play called
Breakfast In Bed.
Did you have a big role?
No, just toast and marmalade.
Breakfast In Bed.
Did you have a big role?
No, just toast and marmalade.
Jokes number : 25
I don't think my Mom knows much about
children.
Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when I'm
wide
awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!
children.
Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when I'm
wide
awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!
Jokes number : 23
When Mr Maxwell's wife left him,
he couldn't
sleep.
Why was that?
She had taken the bed.
he couldn't
sleep.
Why was that?
She had taken the bed.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Jokes number : 22
Two friends who lived in the town were chatting.
"I've just bought a pig," said the first.
"But where will you
keep it?" said the second.
"Your yard's much too small for a pig!"
"I'm going to keep it under my bed," replied his friend.
"But
what about the smell?"
"He'll soon get used to that."
"I've just bought a pig," said the first.
"But where will you
keep it?" said the second.
"Your yard's much too small for a pig!"
"I'm going to keep it under my bed," replied his friend.
"But
what about the smell?"
"He'll soon get used to that."
Jokes number : 21
A little
boy came downstairs crying late one
night.
"What's wrong?" asked his mother.
"Do people really come
from dust, like they said in church?" he
sobbed.
"In a way they
do," said his mother.
"And when they die so they turn back to
dust?"
"Yes, they do."
The little boy began to cry again. "Well,
under my bed there's
someone either coming or going."
boy came downstairs crying late one
night.
"What's wrong?" asked his mother.
"Do people really come
from dust, like they said in church?" he
sobbed.
"In a way they
do," said his mother.
"And when they die so they turn back to
dust?"
"Yes, they do."
The little boy began to cry again. "Well,
under my bed there's
someone either coming or going."
Jokes number : 20
The
hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered
bed and board, but it was
impossible to say which was the bed and
which was the board.
hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered
bed and board, but it was
impossible to say which was the bed and
which was the board.
Jokes number : 19
Witch: Doctor, doctor, I don't feel well.
Doctor: Don't worry, you'll just have to go to bed for a spell.
Doctor: Don't worry, you'll just have to go to bed for a spell.
Jokes number : 18
Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great,
gooey, bug-eyed monsters
playing tiddley winks under my bed.
What shall I do?
Hide the tiddley winks.
gooey, bug-eyed monsters
playing tiddley winks under my bed.
What shall I do?
Hide the tiddley winks.
Jokes number : 17
Doctor, doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping.
Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed.
Oh, I'm all right at night,
it's in the day I have
problems.
Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed.
Oh, I'm all right at night,
it's in the day I have
problems.
Jokes number : 16
Monster: I'm so ugly.
Ghost: It's not
that bad!
Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out
cigars.
When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes.
When I was born
they simply passed out.
Ghost: It's not
that bad!
Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out
cigars.
When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes.
When I was born
they simply passed out.
Jokes number : 15
Last night I dreamt I was
dancing with the
most beautiful girl in the world
What was I wearing ?
dancing with the
most beautiful girl in the world
What was I wearing ?
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Jokes number : 12
I don't think these photographs
you've
taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want mercy !
you've
taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want mercy !
Jokes number : 10
I can't understand why people say my
girlfriend's legs look like
matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but
they certainly don't
match.
girlfriend's legs look like
matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but
they certainly don't
match.
Jokes number : 9
Two teenage boys were
talking in the
classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The
bride of
Dracula' last night.'
'Oh yeah,' said the other, ' what was she like
?'
'Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had
big red
staring eyes and fangs.'
The other said, 'Yes, but what
was 'The Bride of Dracula' like
?'
talking in the
classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The
bride of
Dracula' last night.'
'Oh yeah,' said the other, ' what was she like
?'
'Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had
big red
staring eyes and fangs.'
The other said, 'Yes, but what
was 'The Bride of Dracula' like
?'
Jokes number : 8
Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for
your girlfriend improve her appearance ?
Man: It did for a while -
then it fell off.
your girlfriend improve her appearance ?
Man: It did for a while -
then it fell off.
Jokes number : 7
Julie had broken off her
engagement. Her
friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at
first
sight,' said Julie.
'It was, but it was the second and third
sights that changed my
mind.
engagement. Her
friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at
first
sight,' said Julie.
'It was, but it was the second and third
sights that changed my
mind.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Jokes number : 6
Bill: My sister has lovely
long red hair
all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.
long red hair
all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.
Jokes number : 5
She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice
-
they can't believe it the first time.
-
they can't believe it the first time.
Jokes number : 4
Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't
pretty and wasn't ugly ?
She was pretty ugly
pretty and wasn't ugly ?
She was pretty ugly
Jokes number : 3
Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty
?
Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'd probably
say 'oink, oink '!
?
Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'd probably
say 'oink, oink '!
Jokes number : 2
Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and
fat and ugly?
Boyfriend: Of course I do !
fat and ugly?
Boyfriend: Of course I do !
Jokes number : 1
Little Johnny and
his mother were on a
train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in
his mother's
ear.
'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, ' it's
rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out
loud.'
'OK, said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly,
haggard old witch ?'
his mother were on a
train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in
his mother's
ear.
'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, ' it's
rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out
loud.'
'OK, said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly,
haggard old witch ?'
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