Men are like
mascara.
They usually run
at the first sign of emotion.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Jokes number : 72
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is
a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking
her
out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its
socket
towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of
the air,
and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the
woman says as she pops her eye back in
place. "Let me buy you dessert
to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dessert together,
and afterwards, the woman
invites him to the theater followed by
drinks. After paying for everything,
she asks him if he would like to
come to her place and stay for
breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The
guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said,
"you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy
you meet?"
"No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my
eye."
a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking
her
out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its
socket
towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of
the air,
and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the
woman says as she pops her eye back in
place. "Let me buy you dessert
to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dessert together,
and afterwards, the woman
invites him to the theater followed by
drinks. After paying for everything,
she asks him if he would like to
come to her place and stay for
breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The
guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said,
"you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy
you meet?"
"No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my
eye."
Jokes number : 69
Four
married guys go golfing on Sunday.
During the 3rd hole the following
conversation ensued:
First
Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come
out
golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint
every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's
nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will
build her a new deck for
the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to
promise my wife that
I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They
continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy
has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about
what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's
the
deal?"
Fourth Guy: "I don't want to talk about it.
Let's just say that the
foundation for the new house is being poured
next Tuesday."
married guys go golfing on Sunday.
During the 3rd hole the following
conversation ensued:
First
Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come
out
golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint
every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's
nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will
build her a new deck for
the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to
promise my wife that
I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They
continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy
has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about
what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's
the
deal?"
Fourth Guy: "I don't want to talk about it.
Let's just say that the
foundation for the new house is being poured
next Tuesday."
Jokes number : 68
A
married couple was in a terrible
accident where the woman's face was
severely burned.
The doctor
told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin from her
body,
so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However,
the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable would
have
to come from his rear end.
The husband and wife agreed that
they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested
that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very
delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was
astounded at the woman's
new beauty. She looked more beautiful
than she ever had before! All her
friends and relatives just went on
and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with
her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you d
id for
me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My
darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I get all the thanks
I
need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
married couple was in a terrible
accident where the woman's face was
severely burned.
The doctor
told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin from her
body,
so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However,
the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable would
have
to come from his rear end.
The husband and wife agreed that
they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested
that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very
delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was
astounded at the woman's
new beauty. She looked more beautiful
than she ever had before! All her
friends and relatives just went on
and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with
her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you d
id for
me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My
darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I get all the thanks
I
need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Jokes number : 67
A guy gets home early from work and hears
strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his
wife
naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?'
he says.
'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the
woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling.
his
four-year-old son comes up and says,
`Daddy! Daddy! Uncle
Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no
clothes
on!'
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past
his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure
enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the
wardrobe
floor.
'You jerk,' yells the husband, 'my wife's having a
heart attack and
you're running around with no clothes on scaring
the kids!'
strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his
wife
naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?'
he says.
'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the
woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling.
his
four-year-old son comes up and says,
`Daddy! Daddy! Uncle
Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no
clothes
on!'
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past
his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure
enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the
wardrobe
floor.
'You jerk,' yells the husband, 'my wife's having a
heart attack and
you're running around with no clothes on scaring
the kids!'
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Jokes number : 66
A guy named Joe finds
himself in dire
trouble. His business
started going bust and he found himself in serious
financial
trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray
for
help.
"Oh Lord, please help me, I've lost my business and if
I
don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as
well,
please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night arrived and somebody else
won the prize.
Joe again looked up and prayed...
"Oh Lord,
please let me win the lotto! I've lost my
business, my house and
I'm going to lose my car as well".
Again, Lotto night came and
went and Joe still had no luck.
Once again, he prayed...
"Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business,
my house
and my car. My wife and children are starving. I
don't often ask
you for help and I have always been a good
servant to you. Please just
let me win the lotto this one
time so I can get my life back
in order ... "
Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as
the heavens
opened and Joe was confronted by the voice of the
Lord
himself:
"Joe, Meet Me Half Way On This One. Buy A
Ticket!"
himself in dire
trouble. His business
started going bust and he found himself in serious
financial
trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray
for
help.
"Oh Lord, please help me, I've lost my business and if
I
don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as
well,
please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night arrived and somebody else
won the prize.
Joe again looked up and prayed...
"Oh Lord,
please let me win the lotto! I've lost my
business, my house and
I'm going to lose my car as well".
Again, Lotto night came and
went and Joe still had no luck.
Once again, he prayed...
"Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business,
my house
and my car. My wife and children are starving. I
don't often ask
you for help and I have always been a good
servant to you. Please just
let me win the lotto this one
time so I can get my life back
in order ... "
Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as
the heavens
opened and Joe was confronted by the voice of the
Lord
himself:
"Joe, Meet Me Half Way On This One. Buy A
Ticket!"
Jokes number : 65
One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular
diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband
asks.
"Well, she replies, "my boss and I played the lotto and we
won, so I
bought it with my share of the winnings.
A week
later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
"Where did
you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies "My boss and
played the lotto and we won again, so I
bought it with my share of
the winnings.
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving
in a red Ferrari.
"Where did you get that car?" her husband
asks. Again she repeats the
same story about the lotto and her share
of the winnings.
That night, his wife asks him to pour her a
nice warm bath while she
gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom,
she find that there is
barely enough water in the bath to cover the
plug at the far end.
"And this?" she asks her husband. "
Well," he replies, "we don't
want to get your lotto ticket wet,
do we?!"
diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband
asks.
"Well, she replies, "my boss and I played the lotto and we
won, so I
bought it with my share of the winnings.
A week
later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
"Where did
you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies "My boss and
played the lotto and we won again, so I
bought it with my share of
the winnings.
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving
in a red Ferrari.
"Where did you get that car?" her husband
asks. Again she repeats the
same story about the lotto and her share
of the winnings.
That night, his wife asks him to pour her a
nice warm bath while she
gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom,
she find that there is
barely enough water in the bath to cover the
plug at the far end.
"And this?" she asks her husband. "
Well," he replies, "we don't
want to get your lotto ticket wet,
do we?!"
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