An 80 year
old couple were having problems
remembering things, so they decided to
go to their doctor to get
checked out to make sure nothing was wrong
with them. When they
arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the
doctor about the
problems they were having with their memory.
After checking the couple
out, the doctor tells them that they were
physically okay but might
want to start writing things down and make notes
to help them
remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that
night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair
and his
wife asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "To the kitchen."
She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He
replies, "Sure."
She then asks him, "Don't you think you should
write it down so you
can remember it?"
He says, "No, I can
remember that."
She then says, "Well, I also would like
some strawberries on top. You
had better write that down cause I
know you'll forget that."
He says, "I can remember that, you
want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries."
She replies,
"Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you
will forget
that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice,
he says, "I don't need to write that
down, I can remember that." He
then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returns
from the kitchen and hands her a
plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my
toast."
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Jokes number : 3
An elderly woman
from Brooklyn decided to
prepare her will and make her final requests.
She told her rabbi
she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and
second, she wanted her ashes scattered over
Bloomingdales.
"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"
"Then
I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
from Brooklyn decided to
prepare her will and make her final requests.
She told her rabbi
she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and
second, she wanted her ashes scattered over
Bloomingdales.
"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"
"Then
I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Jokes number : 2
Three ladies were discussing the
travails
of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar
of
mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator,
and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a
sandwich."
The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes
I find myself on the
landing of the stairs and can't remember
whether I was on my way up or
on my way down."
The third one
responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that
problem.
Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and
then said,
"That must be the door, I'll get it!"
travails
of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar
of
mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator,
and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a
sandwich."
The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes
I find myself on the
landing of the stairs and can't remember
whether I was on my way up or
on my way down."
The third one
responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that
problem.
Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and
then said,
"That must be the door, I'll get it!"
Jokes number : 1
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a
modest home
near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks
of his
retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year
began. The very
next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful,
after-school
enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on
every trash can they
encountered. The crashing percussion continued
day after day, until finally
the wise old man decided it was time
to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet
the young percussionists as
they banged their way down the street.
Stopping them, he said, "You
kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you
express your exuberance like
that. In fact, I used to do the same
thing when I was your age. Will you do
me a favor? I'll give you
each a dollar if you'll promise to come
around every day and do your
thing." The kids were elated and continued
to do a bang-up jo
b on the trash cans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted
the kids again, but this time
he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told
them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on
the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but
they did accept his
offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few
days later, the wily
retiree approached them again as they drummed
their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received
my Social Security check yet,
so I'm not going to be able to give
you more than 25 cents. Will that
be okay?"
"A lousy
quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're
going to waste
our time, beating these cans around for a quarter,
you're nuts! No
way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace.
modest home
near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks
of his
retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year
began. The very
next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful,
after-school
enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on
every trash can they
encountered. The crashing percussion continued
day after day, until finally
the wise old man decided it was time
to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet
the young percussionists as
they banged their way down the street.
Stopping them, he said, "You
kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you
express your exuberance like
that. In fact, I used to do the same
thing when I was your age. Will you do
me a favor? I'll give you
each a dollar if you'll promise to come
around every day and do your
thing." The kids were elated and continued
to do a bang-up jo
b on the trash cans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted
the kids again, but this time
he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told
them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on
the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but
they did accept his
offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few
days later, the wily
retiree approached them again as they drummed
their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received
my Social Security check yet,
so I'm not going to be able to give
you more than 25 cents. Will that
be okay?"
"A lousy
quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're
going to waste
our time, beating these cans around for a quarter,
you're nuts! No
way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace.
Jokes number : 100
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and
the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went
back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear
again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family
yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will
three times!"
problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and
the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went
back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear
again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family
yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will
three times!"
Jokes number : 97
An eight-year-old kid says
t his dad, "When
I grow up, I want to be a musician."
The dad says, "I am sorry --
can't have it both ways."
t his dad, "When
I grow up, I want to be a musician."
The dad says, "I am sorry --
can't have it both ways."
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