You can read
his mind in his face.
Yes,
it's usually a complete blank.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Jokes number : 17
Fred: Do
you like my new hairstyle?
Harry:
In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.
you like my new hairstyle?
Harry:
In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.
Jokes number : 16
Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling
ugly faces.
Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will
notice.
ugly faces.
Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will
notice.
Jokes number : 15
Wife to
Husband: I'll have you know I've
got the face of a teenager!
Husband to Wife: Then you should give it
back, you're wearing it
out.
Husband: I'll have you know I've
got the face of a teenager!
Husband to Wife: Then you should give it
back, you're wearing it
out.
Jokes number : 14
Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up.
Harry: Do you think so?
Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her
a joke, five minutes
after she's stopped laughing her face is
still smiling!
Harry: Do you think so?
Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her
a joke, five minutes
after she's stopped laughing her face is
still smiling!
Jokes number : 13
Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that
when a tear
rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and
rolls straight up
again?
when a tear
rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and
rolls straight up
again?
Jokes number : 11
Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face
and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "if I ever
stop
hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating
her
first."
and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "if I ever
stop
hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating
her
first."
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Jokes number : 9
Why do elephants squirt
water through
their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very
difficult to
aim.
water through
their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very
difficult to
aim.
Jokes number : 7
Why don't elephants like martinis?
Have
you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?
Have
you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?
Jokes number : 6
Why are elephants large, grey and
wrinkly?
Because if they were small round and white, they would be
aspirins.
wrinkly?
Because if they were small round and white, they would be
aspirins.
Jokes number : 5
Why do elephants prefer peanuts to
caviar?
Because they're easier to get at the ballpark.
caviar?
Because they're easier to get at the ballpark.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Jokes number : 2
What do you get if
you cross an elephant
with the abominable snowman?
A jumbo yeti.
you cross an elephant
with the abominable snowman?
A jumbo yeti.
Jokes number : 99
Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a
ton in the highway.
Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to
yield right of way.
ton in the highway.
Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to
yield right of way.
Jokes number : 98
Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very
powerful?
Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for
hours at a time
!
powerful?
Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for
hours at a time
!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Jokes number : 87
What to you get if you cross a parrot with an
elephant ?
An animal that tells you everything that it remembers
!
elephant ?
An animal that tells you everything that it remembers
!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Jokes number : 86
What did the elephant say when the man
grabbed
him by the tail ?
This is the end of me !
grabbed
him by the tail ?
This is the end of me !
Jokes number : 84
Why did the elephant jump in
the lake
when it began to rain ?
To stop getting wet !
the lake
when it began to rain ?
To stop getting wet !
Jokes number : 83
What did the elephant say to the famous
detective ?
It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock !
detective ?
It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock !
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Jokes number : 77
What is stronger an elephant or a snail
?
A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its
trunk !
?
A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its
trunk !
Jokes number : 75
What animals were last
to leave the ark
?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks !
to leave the ark
?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks !
Monday, July 25, 2011
Jokes number : 69
What do you call an elephant creeping through
the jungle in
the middle of the night ?
Russell !
the jungle in
the middle of the night ?
Russell !
Jokes number : 68
What do you call an
elephant that lies
across the middle of a tennis court ?
Annette !
elephant that lies
across the middle of a tennis court ?
Annette !
Jokes number : 67
What do you call an elephant with a
carrot in each ear ?
Anything you want as he can't hear you !
carrot in each ear ?
Anything you want as he can't hear you !
Jokes number : 66
Why don't elephants like playing cards in
the
jungle ?
Because of all the cheetahs !
the
jungle ?
Because of all the cheetahs !
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Jokes number : 62
Tarzan was tired when he came home.
"What
have you been doing", asked Jane.
"Chasing a herd of elephants on
vines"
"Really ?", said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the
ground
!"
"What
have you been doing", asked Jane.
"Chasing a herd of elephants on
vines"
"Really ?", said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the
ground
!"
Jokes number : 61
Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant
?"
Pupil:"You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose
!"
?"
Pupil:"You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose
!"
Jokes number : 59
Teacher:"To which family
does the
elephant belong ?"
Pupil:"I don't know, nobody I know owns one !"
does the
elephant belong ?"
Pupil:"I don't know, nobody I know owns one !"
Jokes number : 57
Bill:"My homework is really difficult
tonight, I've to
write an essay on an elephant."?
Bert:"Well, for a
start your going to need a big ladder.."
tonight, I've to
write an essay on an elephant."?
Bert:"Well, for a
start your going to need a big ladder.."
Jokes number : 55
How do you know that peanuts are
fattening ?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant ?
fattening ?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant ?
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Jokes number : 52
Have you heard about the
elephant that
went on a crash diet ?
He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire
engines !
elephant that
went on a crash diet ?
He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire
engines !
Jokes number : 50
Why are elephants wiser than chickens
?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant ?!
?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant ?!
Jokes number : 49
How can you tell if there is
an elephant
in your dessert ?
You get very lumpy ice cream !
an elephant
in your dessert ?
You get very lumpy ice cream !
Jokes number : 48
What did the grape say when the
elephant
stood on it ?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine !
elephant
stood on it ?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine !
Friday, July 22, 2011
Jokes number : 46
What did the hotel manager say to the
elephant
that couldn't pay his bill ? "Pack your trunk and clear out
!"
elephant
that couldn't pay his bill ? "Pack your trunk and clear out
!"
Jokes number : 43
How do you fit
five elephants into a car
?
Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove
compartment !
five elephants into a car
?
Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove
compartment !
Jokes number : 40
A boy with an elephant on his head went to
see a
doctor. The doctor said, "You know you really need
help"
"Yes I do", said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot !"
see a
doctor. The doctor said, "You know you really need
help"
"Yes I do", said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot !"
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Jokes number : 38
What's the difference between an elephant
and a
gooseberry ?
A gooseberry is green !
and a
gooseberry ?
A gooseberry is green !
Jokes number : 37
What's the difference between
an African
elephant and an Indian elephant ?
About 3,000 miles !
an African
elephant and an Indian elephant ?
About 3,000 miles !
Jokes number : 35
What's the difference
between an
elephant and a banana ?
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant ?
between an
elephant and a banana ?
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant ?
Jokes number : 34
What's the
difference between a sick
elephant and seven days ?
One is a weak one and the other one week !
difference between a sick
elephant and seven days ?
One is a weak one and the other one week !
Jokes number : 33
What's the difference between an elephant
and
a piece of paper ?
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an
elephant !
and
a piece of paper ?
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an
elephant !
Jokes number : 32
How to you tell the
difference between an
elephant and a mouse ?
Try picking them up !
difference between an
elephant and a mouse ?
Try picking them up !
Jokes number : 31
What's the difference between an elephant
and
a bad pupil ?
One rarely bites and the other barely writes
!
and
a bad pupil ?
One rarely bites and the other barely writes
!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Jokes number : 30
What's the difference between an injured
elephant
and bad weather ?
One roars with pain and the other pours
with rain !
elephant
and bad weather ?
One roars with pain and the other pours
with rain !
Jokes number : 27
What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers
and cheers you up when your ill ?
A get wellephant !
and cheers you up when your ill ?
A get wellephant !
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Jokes number : 21
What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every
twenty seconds ?
An elephant with hiccups !
twenty seconds ?
An elephant with hiccups !
Jokes number : 16
What's yellow on the outside and grey on the
inside ?
An elephant disguised as a banana !
inside ?
An elephant disguised as a banana !
Monday, July 18, 2011
Jokes number : 12
What's grey, stands in a river when it
rains and doesn't get wet ?
An elephant with an umbrella !
rains and doesn't get wet ?
An elephant with an umbrella !
Jokes number : 8
Why were the
elephants thrown out of the
swimming pool ?
Because they couldn't hold their trunks up !
elephants thrown out of the
swimming pool ?
Because they couldn't hold their trunks up !
Jokes number : 7
Why did the elephant paint
himself with
different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box
!
himself with
different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box
!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Jokes number : 6
How does an elephant get down from a tree
?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn !
?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn !
Jokes number : 3
How many chocolate bunnies can
you put into
an empty Easter basket?
One. After that the basket won't be
empty.
you put into
an empty Easter basket?
One. After that the basket won't be
empty.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Jokes number : 98
What's the difference between
the Easter
Bunny and a silly monster ?
One's a hare-head and the other's an
air-head!
the Easter
Bunny and a silly monster ?
One's a hare-head and the other's an
air-head!
Jokes number : 97
Why did the Easter Bunny have to
fire the
duck?
Because he kept quacking all the eggs!
fire the
duck?
Because he kept quacking all the eggs!
Jokes number : 96
A man wanted an Easter pet for his daughter. He
looked at a baby chick and a baby duck. They were both very cute,
but
he
decided to buy the baby chick. Do you know why?
The
baby chick was a little cheeper!
looked at a baby chick and a baby duck. They were both very cute,
but
he
decided to buy the baby chick. Do you know why?
The
baby chick was a little cheeper!
Jokes number : 94
What has big ears, brings Easter treats, and
goes
"hippity-BOOM, hippity-BOOM, hippity-BOOM"?
The Easter
Elephant.
goes
"hippity-BOOM, hippity-BOOM, hippity-BOOM"?
The Easter
Elephant.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Jokes number : 90
How do you catch the Easter
Bunny?
Hide
in the bushes and make a noise like a carrot!
Bunny?
Hide
in the bushes and make a noise like a carrot!
Jokes number : 89
What will the Easter Bunny be doing after
Easter?
One to three for breaking and entering.
Easter?
One to three for breaking and entering.
Jokes number : 87
What happened when the
Easter Bunny met the
rabbit of his dreams?
They lived hoppily ever after!
Easter Bunny met the
rabbit of his dreams?
They lived hoppily ever after!
Jokes number : 86
How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those
eggs?
He hires Santa's elves during the off-season.
eggs?
He hires Santa's elves during the off-season.
Jokes number : 83
How is the Easter Bunny like Shaquille O'Neal?
They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Jokes number : 81
Why was the monster sitting in his Easter
basket?
He was trying to hatch his peanut butter eggs!
basket?
He was trying to hatch his peanut butter eggs!
Jokes number : 79
Why did you drive the lawn mower over your
Easter
basket?
I thought the plastic grass was growing too high!
Easter
basket?
I thought the plastic grass was growing too high!
Jokes number : 78
What would you get if you crossed the
Easter Bunny with a leprechaun?
The Easter Blarney!
Easter Bunny with a leprechaun?
The Easter Blarney!
Jokes number : 77
What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his
head in the fan?
It took ears off his life!
head in the fan?
It took ears off his life!
Jokes number : 75
"Why are you studying your Easter
candy?"
"I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the
chocolate egg!"
candy?"
"I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the
chocolate egg!"
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Jokes number : 74
Would
you like something from my Easter
basket?
"Sure!"
"Here. Have some plastic grass."
you like something from my Easter
basket?
"Sure!"
"Here. Have some plastic grass."
Jokes number : 73
Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into
your mouth?"
"Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it
in my ears."
your mouth?"
"Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it
in my ears."
Jokes number : 71
What would you get if you crossed the Easter
Bunny with an overstressed person?
An Easter basket case!
Bunny with an overstressed person?
An Easter basket case!
Jokes number : 70
Boy 1: "How did you get that bruise on your
arm?"
Boy 2: "I ate some Easter candy."
Boy 1: "Eating Easter
candy won't give you a bruise."
Boy 2: "It will if it's your big
brother's candy!"
arm?"
Boy 2: "I ate some Easter candy."
Boy 1: "Eating Easter
candy won't give you a bruise."
Boy 2: "It will if it's your big
brother's candy!"
Jokes number : 67
What's pink, has five toes, and is
carried
by the Easter Bunny?
His lucky people's foot!
carried
by the Easter Bunny?
His lucky people's foot!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Jokes number : 62
What would you get if you crossed a
skunk
with a type of Easter candy?
Smelly beans!
skunk
with a type of Easter candy?
Smelly beans!
Jokes number : 60
What did Hamlet say when he was
thinking of
sending a message?
To e or not to e, that is the question.
thinking of
sending a message?
To e or not to e, that is the question.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Jokes number : 58
I've
lost my dog!
Have you tried
putting a message on the Internet?
Don't be silly, my dog never reads
e-mails!
lost my dog!
Have you tried
putting a message on the Internet?
Don't be silly, my dog never reads
e-mails!
Jokes number : 57
I tried to send an e-mail and broke my
computer.
How do you manage that?
I think it was when I tried to push it
through the letterbox.
computer.
How do you manage that?
I think it was when I tried to push it
through the letterbox.
Jokes number : 55
What should you do if you get lots of e-mails
saying,
'What's up, Doc? What's up, Doc?'
Check for bugs in
your system.
saying,
'What's up, Doc? What's up, Doc?'
Check for bugs in
your system.
Jokes number : 51
Teacher: You've been e-mailing other pupils
that
I'm ugly!
Pupil: Sorry, miss, I didn't realise you wanted
to keep it a
secret.
that
I'm ugly!
Pupil: Sorry, miss, I didn't realise you wanted
to keep it a
secret.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Jokes number : 32
Do you send e-mails on your home
computer?
What's the point?
I can just bring my home along with me and have a
chat.
computer?
What's the point?
I can just bring my home along with me and have a
chat.
Jokes number : 31
Pupil:
Sir, would you mind e-mailing my
exam results to my parents?
Teacher: But your parents don't have a
comuter.
Pupil: Exactly!
Sir, would you mind e-mailing my
exam results to my parents?
Teacher: But your parents don't have a
comuter.
Pupil: Exactly!
Jokes number : 30
Why don't you stamp e-mails?
Because your
foot would go right through the computer screen!
Because your
foot would go right through the computer screen!
Jokes number : 28
A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an
Internet cafe and the
dalmation said to the hound, "Hey, check out
my web site!" The hound
asked
for the address and the dalmation
responded,
"www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.
Internet cafe and the
dalmation said to the hound, "Hey, check out
my web site!" The hound
asked
for the address and the dalmation
responded,
"www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Jokes number : 22
Two women, who are dog owners,
are arguing
which dog is smarter.
First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he
waits for the
paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper
and brings it to me.
Second woman: I know.
First one:
How?
Second one: My dog told me.
are arguing
which dog is smarter.
First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he
waits for the
paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper
and brings it to me.
Second woman: I know.
First one:
How?
Second one: My dog told me.
Jokes number : 21
Advertisement: Dog for sale. Really gentle. Eats
anything. Especially fond of children.
anything. Especially fond of children.
Jokes number : 20
What do you
get if you cross a labrador and a
tortoise ?
A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and
bring back last
weeks paper !
get if you cross a labrador and a
tortoise ?
A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and
bring back last
weeks paper !
Jokes number : 19
Why does the Hound of the
Baskervilles turn
round and round before he lies down for the night?
Because he's the
watchdog and he has to wind himself up.
Baskervilles turn
round and round before he lies down for the night?
Because he's the
watchdog and he has to wind himself up.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Jokes number : 16
What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a
dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.
dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.
Jokes number : 13
What is the difference between Father
Christmas and a warm dog ?
Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just
pants!
Christmas and a warm dog ?
Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just
pants!
Jokes number : 11
When George Washington was a general, why did he
like to have dogs around?
They were very helpful during the
"Roverlutionary War!"
like to have dogs around?
They were very helpful during the
"Roverlutionary War!"
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Jokes number : 10
How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry
about
having soap flakes for breakfast?
He foamed at the mouth.
about
having soap flakes for breakfast?
He foamed at the mouth.
Jokes number : 5
Why didn't the dog
speak to his foot
?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !
speak to his foot
?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !
Jokes number : 4
Why is a dog like a baseball
player?
He
runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
player?
He
runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Jokes number : 97
How do you make a dog
float?
Take two
scoops of ice cream, a couple of squirts of soda and a small
dog.
float?
Take two
scoops of ice cream, a couple of squirts of soda and a small
dog.
Jokes number : 95
If a beagle can't play a bugle in the marching
band, what's his other favorite instrument to play?
A
trombone.
band, what's his other favorite instrument to play?
A
trombone.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Jokes number : 94
What should you do if you have a basset hound over
for
dinner?
Have a short table!
for
dinner?
Have a short table!
Jokes number : 90
When are Pomeranians good at taking photographs?
Only when they snap at something!
Only when they snap at something!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Jokes number : 81
What do you get when you cross a collie with a
trumpet?
A Lassie who plays brassie!
trumpet?
A Lassie who plays brassie!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Jokes number : 78
Every time I tell my English Setter to stop
barking, it
never does!
What does it do?
It just stands on its
back two legs and quotes Shakespeare!
What?
Yeah, it says, "To
bark or not to bark that is the question!" and
keeps on barking!
barking, it
never does!
What does it do?
It just stands on its
back two legs and quotes Shakespeare!
What?
Yeah, it says, "To
bark or not to bark that is the question!" and
keeps on barking!
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