What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ?
A bud
hound !
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Jokes number : 63
What artistic dog
chews a lot and follows the
rules of the farm where it lives?
A Chihuahua that can draw and
gnaw while obeying the law and lying on
straw!
chews a lot and follows the
rules of the farm where it lives?
A Chihuahua that can draw and
gnaw while obeying the law and lying on
straw!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Jokes number : 62
What is the best kind of dog to ask for
directions?
A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!
directions?
A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!
Jokes number : 58
What is black and white and red all over?
A
Chihuahua in a tuxedo that tripped into a jar of salsa!
A
Chihuahua in a tuxedo that tripped into a jar of salsa!
Jokes number : 56
What did the elephant say when it saw the
Chihuahuas coming down the road?
Look out for the mice!
Chihuahuas coming down the road?
Look out for the mice!
Jokes number : 55
Why do Chihuahuas have such short
necks?
Because their heads are so close to their bodies!
necks?
Because their heads are so close to their bodies!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Jokes number : 53
Alsation: How come
you are always so well
behaved when you go on a walk with your master?
Chihuahua: It's the
leash I can do!
you are always so well
behaved when you go on a walk with your master?
Chihuahua: It's the
leash I can do!
Jokes number : 47
What is brown
and gray, has eight legs, and is
carrying a large trunk and a small
trunk?
A Chihuahua on
vacation with an elephant.
and gray, has eight legs, and is
carrying a large trunk and a small
trunk?
A Chihuahua on
vacation with an elephant.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Jokes number : 46
Why should you never watch a video with a
Chihuahua?
It always plays with the "paws" button on the VCR.
Chihuahua?
It always plays with the "paws" button on the VCR.
Jokes number : 45
A Chihuahua was shopping in a mall when another
shopper
walked up to it and started talking.
Didn't I see you on
a TV commercial?
How am I supposed to know what you watch on TV?
shopper
walked up to it and started talking.
Didn't I see you on
a TV commercial?
How am I supposed to know what you watch on TV?
Jokes number : 42
Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you?
Chihuahua: No, I was playing throw with her!
Chihuahua: No, I was playing throw with her!
Jokes number : 39
How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped
you to set up your computer?
With dog diskettes!
you to set up your computer?
With dog diskettes!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Jokes number : 32
The front door
was accidentally left open and
our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully
whistling and calling, my
husband got in the car and went looking for
him. He drove around the
neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally
he stopoed beside
a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen
our dog. "You
mean the one following your car?" they asked.
was accidentally left open and
our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully
whistling and calling, my
husband got in the car and went looking for
him. He drove around the
neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally
he stopoed beside
a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen
our dog. "You
mean the one following your car?" they asked.
Jokes number : 31
I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay.
It's fun
to call him...
"Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane.
Now he just
ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German
Shepherd.
It's fun
to call him...
"Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane.
Now he just
ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German
Shepherd.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Jokes number : 30
Four workers
were discussing how smart their
dogs were. The first was an engineer
who said his dog could draw.
His dog's name was "T-Square", and he
told him to get some paper and
draw a square, a circle and a triangle,
which he did with no sweat.
The accountant said he thought his dog, "Balance", could do better.
He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of
three, which he did with no problem.
The chemist said that was
a very good stunt, but that his dog,
"Apothecary", could do better
yet. He told his dog to get a quart of milk and
pour seven ounces
into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this without a
hitch.
All
three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to the
Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant
called his dog, whose name was "Coffee break", and said, "Show the
fellows what you can do, old buddy." Coffee Break then stroll
ed over and
ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper,
screwed the other
three dogs and claimed he injured his back while
doing so. He then filed
a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied
for Workers' Compensation,
and left for home on sick leave.
were discussing how smart their
dogs were. The first was an engineer
who said his dog could draw.
His dog's name was "T-Square", and he
told him to get some paper and
draw a square, a circle and a triangle,
which he did with no sweat.
The accountant said he thought his dog, "Balance", could do better.
He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of
three, which he did with no problem.
The chemist said that was
a very good stunt, but that his dog,
"Apothecary", could do better
yet. He told his dog to get a quart of milk and
pour seven ounces
into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this without a
hitch.
All
three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to the
Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant
called his dog, whose name was "Coffee break", and said, "Show the
fellows what you can do, old buddy." Coffee Break then stroll
ed over and
ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper,
screwed the other
three dogs and claimed he injured his back while
doing so. He then filed
a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied
for Workers' Compensation,
and left for home on sick leave.
Jokes number : 29
A man and his son were
shovelling the driveway
after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered
away from
them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted
angrily:
"Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!" The dog charged happily back
over
to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the
bus
stop. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked.
shovelling the driveway
after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered
away from
them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted
angrily:
"Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!" The dog charged happily back
over
to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the
bus
stop. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked.
Jokes number : 28
My dog is great at math.
Really ?
Ask him
how much is two minus two.
But two minus two is nothing!
That's what he'll answer, nothing!
Really ?
Ask him
how much is two minus two.
But two minus two is nothing!
That's what he'll answer, nothing!
Jokes number : 27
Why is a dog with a lame leg
like adding 6 and
7s?
He puts down the three and carries the one.
like adding 6 and
7s?
He puts down the three and carries the one.
Jokes number : 26
Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or
a tiger?
I'd rather have him chase the tiger.
a tiger?
I'd rather have him chase the tiger.
Jokes number : 23
Why is a dog like a baseball player?
He runs
for home when he sees the catcher coming.
He runs
for home when he sees the catcher coming.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Jokes number : 22
Why doesn't a dog
ever have a nose 12 inches
long?
Because then it would be a foot.
ever have a nose 12 inches
long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Jokes number : 20
Why do dogs turn around three
times before
lying down?
One good turn deserves another.
times before
lying down?
One good turn deserves another.
Jokes number : 19
Why didn't the dog play
cards on his ocean
cruise?
Because the captain stood on the deck.
cards on his ocean
cruise?
Because the captain stood on the deck.
Jokes number : 18
Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children
a dachshund?
He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.
a dachshund?
He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.
Jokes number : 17
Why did the dog's owner think his dog
was a
great mathematician?
When he asked the dog what six minus six was,
the dog said
nothing.
was a
great mathematician?
When he asked the dog what six minus six was,
the dog said
nothing.
Jokes number : 16
Why did the dog sleep so poorly?
By mistake he
plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept
popping out
of bed all night!
By mistake he
plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept
popping out
of bed all night!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Jokes number : 12
Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato
fell on
his head?
The tomato was in a can.
fell on
his head?
The tomato was in a can.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Jokes number : 5
When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what
should you do?
Take the words right out of his mouth.
should you do?
Take the words right out of his mouth.
Jokes number : 3
What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a
dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.
dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.
Jokes number : 100
What should you know before you teach your
dog
a new trick?
You should know more than your dog.
dog
a new trick?
You should know more than your dog.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Jokes number : 94
What is the difference between a dog and
a
mailbox?
If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.
a
mailbox?
If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.
Jokes number : 93
What is the difference between a barking dog and
an umbrella?
The umbrella can be shut up.
an umbrella?
The umbrella can be shut up.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Jokes number : 86
What happened to the dog that fell into a
lens-grinding machine?
He made a spectacle of himself.
lens-grinding machine?
He made a spectacle of himself.
Jokes number : 84
What did the dog take when he was run down?
The
license number of the car that hit him.
The
license number of the car that hit him.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Jokes number : 80
What did the dog do with the history
professor?
They got together and talked over old times.
professor?
They got together and talked over old times.
Jokes number : 77
How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry
about having soap flakes for breakfast?
He foamed at the mouth.
about having soap flakes for breakfast?
He foamed at the mouth.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Jokes number : 70
How do you find your dog if
he's lost in the
woods ?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !
he's lost in the
woods ?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !
Jokes number : 68
Why did the dog have a gleam in his
eye?
Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.
eye?
Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.
Jokes number : 67
What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell
tall stories ?
A shaggy dogs tale !
tall stories ?
A shaggy dogs tale !
Friday, June 17, 2011
Jokes number : 64
What do you call a dog with no legs ?
It
doesn't matter what you call him, he still won't come !
It
doesn't matter what you call him, he still won't come !
Jokes number : 63
What do you
call a litter of young dogs who
have come in from the snow ?
Slush puppies !
call a litter of young dogs who
have come in from the snow ?
Slush puppies !
Jokes number : 62
What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog
?
A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!
?
A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!
Jokes number : 60
What do you get if you
cross a dog and a sheep
?
A sheep that can round itself up !
cross a dog and a sheep
?
A sheep that can round itself up !
Jokes number : 59
What do you get if you cross a dog
with a
kangaroo?
A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !
with a
kangaroo?
A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Jokes number : 58
What do you get if you cross a
computer and a
Rottweiller ?
A computer with a lot of bites !
computer and a
Rottweiller ?
A computer with a lot of bites !
Jokes number : 57
What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off
of the
table ?
He gets splinters in his mouth !
of the
table ?
He gets splinters in his mouth !
Jokes number : 55
What do you get if you cross a dog with a
blind mole ?
A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree !
blind mole ?
A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree !
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Jokes number : 36
What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a
hyena ?
I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs !
hyena ?
I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs !
Monday, June 13, 2011
Jokes number : 33
What do you get if you cross a dog and a
cheetah ?
A dog that chases cars - and catches them !
cheetah ?
A dog that chases cars - and catches them !
Jokes number : 32
When is the
most likely time that a stray dog
will walk into your house ?
When the door is open !
most likely time that a stray dog
will walk into your house ?
When the door is open !
Jokes number : 31
What is the difference between Father Christmas
and
a warm dog ?
Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just
pants!
and
a warm dog ?
Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just
pants!
Jokes number : 29
What do you get if you cross
a giraffe with a
dog ?
An animal that barks at low flying aircraft !
a giraffe with a
dog ?
An animal that barks at low flying aircraft !
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Jokes number : 24
What happened to the
dog that ate nothing but
garlic ?
His bark was much worse than it's bite !
dog that ate nothing but
garlic ?
His bark was much worse than it's bite !
Jokes number : 22
What did the angry man sing
when he found his
slippers chewed up by the new puppy ?
"I must throw that doggie out
the window !"!
when he found his
slippers chewed up by the new puppy ?
"I must throw that doggie out
the window !"!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Jokes number : 13
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ?
Because
it's not polite to talk back to your paw !
Because
it's not polite to talk back to your paw !
Friday, June 10, 2011
Jokes number : 7
Small girl: I'd buy that dog, but
his legs
are too short! Clerk: Too short ? Why, all four of them touch
the
floor.
his legs
are too short! Clerk: Too short ? Why, all four of them touch
the
floor.
Jokes number : 6
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by
boat and one says to
the other, "I hear
that the occupants of
this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her
companion replies, "but
if we shall live in America, we might as well do
as the Americans
do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points
to a hot dog
vendor and they both walk toward him. "Two dogs,
please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both
hot dogs
in oil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to
unwrap
their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers.
Staring
at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers
cautiously, "What part did you get?"
boat and one says to
the other, "I hear
that the occupants of
this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her
companion replies, "but
if we shall live in America, we might as well do
as the Americans
do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points
to a hot dog
vendor and they both walk toward him. "Two dogs,
please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both
hot dogs
in oil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to
unwrap
their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers.
Staring
at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers
cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Jokes number : 100
Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? - A: So
that they didn't
have to bend down to pet it.
that they didn't
have to bend down to pet it.
Jokes number : 98
Q: When is a strange dog
most likely to go
into your house? - A: When the door is open.
most likely to go
into your house? - A: When the door is open.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Jokes number : 94
Q: How do you get a dog to stop
barking in the
back seat of a car? - A: Put him in the front seat.
barking in the
back seat of a car? - A: Put him in the front seat.
Jokes number : 91
Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? - A:
Because you can't bury them in the sky!
Because you can't bury them in the sky!
Jokes number : 90
Q: When's the best time to take your doberman
pinscher for a
walk? - A: Anytime he wants to go.
pinscher for a
walk? - A: Anytime he wants to go.
Jokes number : 89
Paul got off
the elevator on the 40th floor
and nervously knocked on his blind
date's door. She opened it and
was as beautiful and charming as everyone
had said.
"I'll be
ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play
with Rollo
while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls
over, shakes
hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll
jump
through."
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started
rolling over. Paul
made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through
-- and over the
balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out.
"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed
to me."
the elevator on the 40th floor
and nervously knocked on his blind
date's door. She opened it and
was as beautiful and charming as everyone
had said.
"I'll be
ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play
with Rollo
while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls
over, shakes
hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll
jump
through."
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started
rolling over. Paul
made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through
-- and over the
balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out.
"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed
to me."
Jokes number : 88
A local business was
looking for office help.
They put a sign in the window, stating the
following: "HELP WANTED.
Must be able to type, must be good with a computer
and must be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time
afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign
and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then
walked over
to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the
receptionist got the office manager. The office
manager looked at the
dog and was surprised, to say the least. However,
the dog looked
determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the
dog jumped up
on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said,
"I can't
hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog
jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a
perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager
and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager
was
stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be
good with a
computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to
the computer. The dog proceeded
to enter and execute a perfect
program, that worked flawlessly the first
time.
By this time the
manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog
and said, "I
realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some
interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The
dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on
the
sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be
bilingual".
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said
"Meow".
looking for office help.
They put a sign in the window, stating the
following: "HELP WANTED.
Must be able to type, must be good with a computer
and must be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time
afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign
and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then
walked over
to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the
receptionist got the office manager. The office
manager looked at the
dog and was surprised, to say the least. However,
the dog looked
determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the
dog jumped up
on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said,
"I can't
hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog
jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a
perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager
and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager
was
stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be
good with a
computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to
the computer. The dog proceeded
to enter and execute a perfect
program, that worked flawlessly the first
time.
By this time the
manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog
and said, "I
realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some
interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The
dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on
the
sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be
bilingual".
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said
"Meow".
Jokes number : 87
A man took his Rottweiler to the
vet and said
to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do
for it?"
"Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the
dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.
"Well,"
says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Just
because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man.
"No, because he's heavy,"
says the vet.
vet and said
to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do
for it?"
"Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the
dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.
"Well,"
says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Just
because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man.
"No, because he's heavy,"
says the vet.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Jokes number : 86
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed
three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an
extraordinary
performance.
"That is a very smart dog," the man
commented.
"He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every
time he
gets a good hand he wags his tail."
three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an
extraordinary
performance.
"That is a very smart dog," the man
commented.
"He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every
time he
gets a good hand he wags his tail."
Jokes number : 85
"Doctor, doctor!" said the
panic-stricken woman,
"my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's
swallowed a
mouse! What shall I do?"
"Quite simple," said the
doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of
cheese to a piece of string and
lower it into your husband's mouth. As
soon as the mouse takes a
bite haul it out."
"Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to
the fishmonger
straight away and get a cod's head."
"What do
you want a cod's head for?"
"Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to
get the cat out first!"
panic-stricken woman,
"my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's
swallowed a
mouse! What shall I do?"
"Quite simple," said the
doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of
cheese to a piece of string and
lower it into your husband's mouth. As
soon as the mouse takes a
bite haul it out."
"Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to
the fishmonger
straight away and get a cod's head."
"What do
you want a cod's head for?"
"Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to
get the cat out first!"
Jokes number : 83
Jack: "My brother was sick and
went to the doctor."
John: "Is he feeling better now?"
Jack: "No,
he has a broken arm."
John: "How did he break it?"
Jack: "Well,
the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter
what
happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew
out of
the window."
John: "How did he break his arm?"
Jack: "He fell out
of the window trying to follow the
prescription."
went to the doctor."
John: "Is he feeling better now?"
Jack: "No,
he has a broken arm."
John: "How did he break it?"
Jack: "Well,
the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter
what
happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew
out of
the window."
John: "How did he break his arm?"
Jack: "He fell out
of the window trying to follow the
prescription."
Jokes number : 82
The patient: Tell me, is it true that
alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Doctor: Yes, that is
true.
P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?
D: Yes,
that is also true.
P: So, in average, I live normally.
alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Doctor: Yes, that is
true.
P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?
D: Yes,
that is also true.
P: So, in average, I live normally.
Jokes number : 81
When a car skidded on wet pavement
and struck a telephone pole,
several bystanders ran over to help the
driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed
in and
pushed her back.
"Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've
taken a course in first aid."
The woman watched him for a few
minutes, then tapped his shoulder.
"Pardon me," she said. "But when you
get to the part about calling a
doctor, I'm right here."
and struck a telephone pole,
several bystanders ran over to help the
driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed
in and
pushed her back.
"Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've
taken a course in first aid."
The woman watched him for a few
minutes, then tapped his shoulder.
"Pardon me," she said. "But when you
get to the part about calling a
doctor, I'm right here."
Jokes number : 80
A nurse had to
take a patient
back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the
effects of
the anesthetic and was rather confused. After nurse had made
her
comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who
asked,
"How is she?"
The nurse replied, "Oh, she's quite dopey."
One
of the friends said, "We know that, but how is she
healthwise?"
take a patient
back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the
effects of
the anesthetic and was rather confused. After nurse had made
her
comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who
asked,
"How is she?"
The nurse replied, "Oh, she's quite dopey."
One
of the friends said, "We know that, but how is she
healthwise?"
Jokes number : 79
Doctor, Doctor, my little brother
thinks he's a computer.
Well bring him in so I can cure him.
I
can't, I need to use him to finish my homework.
thinks he's a computer.
Well bring him in so I can cure him.
I
can't, I need to use him to finish my homework.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Jokes number : 78
Doctor, doctor, can I have a bottle
of aspirin and
a pot of glue?
Why?
Because I've been at my
computer all day and I've got a splitting
headache!
of aspirin and
a pot of glue?
Why?
Because I've been at my
computer all day and I've got a splitting
headache!
Jokes number : 77
The patient shook his doctor's hand
in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would
not
want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you
to know
that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very
kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then
added, "May I
see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a
little
change..."
in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would
not
want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you
to know
that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very
kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then
added, "May I
see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a
little
change..."
Jokes number : 76
Did you hear about the two
podiatrists who
opened their offices on the same street?
They were arch
enemies.
podiatrists who
opened their offices on the same street?
They were arch
enemies.
Jokes number : 73
Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red
magic markers to work?
A: In case they have to draw blood.
magic markers to work?
A: In case they have to draw blood.
Jokes number : 72
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
snake about to shed it's skin
Why don't you go behind the
screen and slip into something more
comfortable then !
snake about to shed it's skin
Why don't you go behind the
screen and slip into something more
comfortable then !
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Jokes number : 69
Doctor, Doctor I'm on a
diet and
it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh
dear, that's a lot of calories !
diet and
it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh
dear, that's a lot of calories !
Jokes number : 68
Doctor Doctor I think I'm a
moth.
So why did you come around then ?
Well, I saw this light at the
window...!
moth.
So why did you come around then ?
Well, I saw this light at the
window...!
Jokes number : 67
Doctor, Doctor I need something to
keep my falling hair in
What about a matchbox !
keep my falling hair in
What about a matchbox !
Jokes number : 66
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an
insect spinning around.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going
around !doc
insect spinning around.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going
around !doc
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Jokes number : 62
Doctor how can I cure my sleep
walking
?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor !
walking
?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor !
Jokes number : 61
Doctor, Doctor you've
taken out
my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins
and my
appendix, but I still don't feel well.
That's quite enough out of
you !
taken out
my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins
and my
appendix, but I still don't feel well.
That's quite enough out of
you !
Jokes number : 60
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm
God
When did this start ?
Well first I created the sun, then the
earth
God
When did this start ?
Well first I created the sun, then the
earth
Jokes number : 59
Fireman rescued a
man who was
badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his
body was
torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The
doctors
said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much
left.
man who was
badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his
body was
torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The
doctors
said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much
left.
Jokes number : 58
How many nurses does
it take to
screw in a light bulb?
None - They just have a nursing assistant do
it.
it take to
screw in a light bulb?
None - They just have a nursing assistant do
it.
Jokes number : 57
How can you tell who is the head
nurse
of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.
nurse
of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.
Jokes number : 56
1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan
in the
refrigerator?
Because when she kept it in the freezer it
took too much skin off.
in the
refrigerator?
Because when she kept it in the freezer it
took too much skin off.
Jokes number : 55
The ninety-year-old man was in for
his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry
an
eighteen year old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse
practitioner
warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an
eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man
shrugged, "If she
dies, she dies."
his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry
an
eighteen year old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse
practitioner
warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an
eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man
shrugged, "If she
dies, she dies."
Friday, June 3, 2011
Jokes number : 54
A coffin was being moved
when it
fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the
morticians
started chasing it. As it rolled past the hospital, the mortician
yelled to one of the nurse practitioners walking by, "Doc, quick, give
me
something to stop this coffin."
when it
fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the
morticians
started chasing it. As it rolled past the hospital, the mortician
yelled to one of the nurse practitioners walking by, "Doc, quick, give
me
something to stop this coffin."
Jokes number : 53
Camp Doctor: Your cough sounds better
today!
Camper: It should, I practised all night!
today!
Camper: It should, I practised all night!
Jokes number : 52
Jack went to see the camp nurse. 'I
fell last night,' he said. 'And I was unconscious for eight
hours.'
The nurse was shocked. 'How awful. What happened?'
'I fell
asleep!'
fell last night,' he said. 'And I was unconscious for eight
hours.'
The nurse was shocked. 'How awful. What happened?'
'I fell
asleep!'
Jokes number : 49
Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming of
bats, creepy-crawlies, demons,
ghosts, monsters, vampires, werewolves
and yetis.
Doctor: How interesting. Do you always dream in
alphabetical
order?
bats, creepy-crawlies, demons,
ghosts, monsters, vampires, werewolves
and yetis.
Doctor: How interesting. Do you always dream in
alphabetical
order?
Jokes number : 48
A man who was very
upset walked
in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!"
he wailed.
"What seems to be the trouble?" asked the doctor. "I keep
having the
same dream, night after night. There's this door with a
sign on
it, and I push and push the door but I can't get it open."
"What
does the sign say?" asked the Doctor. "Pull," said the
patient.
upset walked
in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!"
he wailed.
"What seems to be the trouble?" asked the doctor. "I keep
having the
same dream, night after night. There's this door with a
sign on
it, and I push and push the door but I can't get it open."
"What
does the sign say?" asked the Doctor. "Pull," said the
patient.
Jokes number : 47
"What do you do?" a young man asked
the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wish I
could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear. "That
would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward."
the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wish I
could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear. "That
would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward."
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Jokes number : 46
"Why are you so
excited?", the
surgeon asked the patient that was about to be
anesthetized.
"But
doc, this is my first operation."
"Really? It's mine too, and I am
not excited at all."
excited?", the
surgeon asked the patient that was about to be
anesthetized.
"But
doc, this is my first operation."
"Really? It's mine too, and I am
not excited at all."
Jokes number : 45
How many physiotherapists
does it
take to change a light bulb?
None. They just give the dead bulb some
exercises to do and hope it
will be working a bit better the next
time they see it.
does it
take to change a light bulb?
None. They just give the dead bulb some
exercises to do and hope it
will be working a bit better the next
time they see it.
Jokes number : 44
At a medical
convention, a male
doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male
doctor
asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the
restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner,
one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel
bedroom.
Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says
she has
to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it.
After
the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her
hands.
As she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a
surgeon".
She confirms and asks how he knew.
"Easy, you're always
washing your hands."
She then says, "I bet you're an
anesthesiologist."
Male doctor: "Wow, how did you guess?"
Female doctor: "I
didn't feel a thing."
convention, a male
doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male
doctor
asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the
restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner,
one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel
bedroom.
Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says
she has
to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it.
After
the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her
hands.
As she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a
surgeon".
She confirms and asks how he knew.
"Easy, you're always
washing your hands."
She then says, "I bet you're an
anesthesiologist."
Male doctor: "Wow, how did you guess?"
Female doctor: "I
didn't feel a thing."
Jokes number : 42
What's the difference between a
general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the
other thinks you have what he
treats.
general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the
other thinks you have what he
treats.
Jokes number : 41
A man needing a
heart transplant
is told by his doctor that the only heart available is
that of a
sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the
sheep
heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in
for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man
replies "Not BAAAAD!"
heart transplant
is told by his doctor that the only heart available is
that of a
sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the
sheep
heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in
for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man
replies "Not BAAAAD!"
Jokes number : 40
Patient: I always see spots before my
eyes.
Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I
see the spots much clearer.
eyes.
Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I
see the spots much clearer.
Jokes number : 39
A man goes to the eye doctor. The
receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep
seeing spots
in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you
ever seen a doctor?" and the man
replies, "No, just spots."
receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep
seeing spots
in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you
ever seen a doctor?" and the man
replies, "No, just spots."
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Jokes number : 38
An old fellow came
into the
hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder.
The
surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients
be up
and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent
blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the
hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he
complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep
walking
him.
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His
family came to pick him
up and thanked the surgeon profusely for
what he had done for their
father. The surgeon was pleased and
appreciated the thanks, but told them
that it was really a simple
operation and we had been lucky to get him
in time. "But doctor, you don't
understand," they said, "Dad
hasn't walked in over a year!"
into the
hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder.
The
surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients
be up
and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent
blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the
hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he
complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep
walking
him.
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His
family came to pick him
up and thanked the surgeon profusely for
what he had done for their
father. The surgeon was pleased and
appreciated the thanks, but told them
that it was really a simple
operation and we had been lucky to get him
in time. "But doctor, you don't
understand," they said, "Dad
hasn't walked in over a year!"
Jokes number : 37
"The doctor said he would have me on
my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the
car to pay the bill."
my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the
car to pay the bill."
Jokes number : 36
How many doctors does it take to
change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him
which end to screw
in.
change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him
which end to screw
in.
Jokes number : 35
How many triage nurses does it take
to
change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend four
hours in the waiting
room.
to
change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend four
hours in the waiting
room.
Jokes number : 34
How many nurses does it take to
change a light bulb?
None, they just have a nursing assistant do
it.
As much as the doctor orders.
change a light bulb?
None, they just have a nursing assistant do
it.
As much as the doctor orders.
Jokes number : 33
Did you hear about the nurse who died
and went
straight to hell?
It took her two weeks to realize that
she wasn't at work
anymore!
and went
straight to hell?
It took her two weeks to realize that
she wasn't at work
anymore!
Jokes number : 32
Why did the nurse always insist on
using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
Because
nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her
patient's
best side.
using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
Because
nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her
patient's
best side.
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