Three cowboys
of the world are sitting
around camp talking about how tough they were
and the tales kept
getting bigger and bigger.
The cowboy from Australia says, "I wrestled a
200 pound crocodile and
may it cry like a baby."
The Cowboy
from Brazil shakes his head and says, "I killed a 400 pound
steer
with my bare hands."
The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept
stirring the campfire with
his leg.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Jokes number : 93
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire
seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed
this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only
allowed
one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher
became more
impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm
going to have
to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.
The
usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned
with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the
cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The
cop
surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy,
what's
you're name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The
balcony."
seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed
this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only
allowed
one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher
became more
impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm
going to have
to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.
The
usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned
with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the
cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The
cop
surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy,
what's
you're name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The
balcony."
Jokes number : 91
Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were
about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the
three men
to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was
that when
each man had died, they'd cut the rope and he'd drop
into the river
and drift out of sight
They put the first
cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasy
he slipped out,
fell in the river and swam to freedom.
They tied the noose around
the second cowboy's head. He, too, oozed
out of the rope, dropped
into the river and got away.
As they dragged the third Texan to
the scaffold, he resisted, "Please!
Would yaw'l tighten that noose
a little bit? I can't swim!"
about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the
three men
to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was
that when
each man had died, they'd cut the rope and he'd drop
into the river
and drift out of sight
They put the first
cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasy
he slipped out,
fell in the river and swam to freedom.
They tied the noose around
the second cowboy's head. He, too, oozed
out of the rope, dropped
into the river and got away.
As they dragged the third Texan to
the scaffold, he resisted, "Please!
Would yaw'l tighten that noose
a little bit? I can't swim!"
Jokes number : 90
Swint and Fess, two Oklahoma cowboys, were
resting their
horses out on the range.
"What'd Emmaline give
yew for yore birthday?" asked Swint.
"Pair of cufflinks," said
Fess. "But I ain't got no use for them. I
can't even find anyplace
to get my wrists pierced."
resting their
horses out on the range.
"What'd Emmaline give
yew for yore birthday?" asked Swint.
"Pair of cufflinks," said
Fess. "But I ain't got no use for them. I
can't even find anyplace
to get my wrists pierced."
Jokes number : 88
The swing doors of the Wild
West saloon
crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury.
"All right!" he
raged, "all right! Who did it? What goldarned
varmint painted my
horse blue?"
The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and
town baddie
rose from a chair by the door.
"It was me, shrimp,"
he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, "what
about it?"
"Oh,
well, er," stammered little Pete wretchedly, "all I wanted to
say
was. . .when are you going to give it another coat?"
West saloon
crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury.
"All right!" he
raged, "all right! Who did it? What goldarned
varmint painted my
horse blue?"
The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and
town baddie
rose from a chair by the door.
"It was me, shrimp,"
he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, "what
about it?"
"Oh,
well, er," stammered little Pete wretchedly, "all I wanted to
say
was. . .when are you going to give it another coat?"
Jokes number : 87
Visitor: Wow, you have a
lot of flies
buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them?
Cowboy: No we
just let them go barefoot.
lot of flies
buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them?
Cowboy: No we
just let them go barefoot.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Jokes number : 86
A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy
in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six
shooters.
"Excuse me, sir," said the police officer, "who are
you?"
"My name's Tex, officer," said the cowboy.
" eh?" said the police
officer, "Are you from Texas?"
"Nope, Louisiana."
"Louisiana? So
why are you called Tex?"
"Don't want to be called Louise, do I .
in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six
shooters.
"Excuse me, sir," said the police officer, "who are
you?"
"My name's Tex, officer," said the cowboy.
" eh?" said the police
officer, "Are you from Texas?"
"Nope, Louisiana."
"Louisiana? So
why are you called Tex?"
"Don't want to be called Louise, do I .
Jokes number : 83
What did the cowboy maggot say when he went
into the
saloon bar?
Gimme a slug of whiskey.
into the
saloon bar?
Gimme a slug of whiskey.
Jokes number : 81
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back
on the ranch about his
first visit to a big-city church. "When
I got there, they had me park
my
old truck in the corral," Joe
began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more
worldly
fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the
door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the
usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe
said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then, he led me to a
stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie
retorted.
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said
when I sat
down
beside her."
on the ranch about his
first visit to a big-city church. "When
I got there, they had me park
my
old truck in the corral," Joe
began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more
worldly
fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the
door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the
usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe
said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then, he led me to a
stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie
retorted.
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said
when I sat
down
beside her."
Jokes number : 80
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with
tanning
oil?
Pre-tanned leather.
tanning
oil?
Pre-tanned leather.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Jokes number : 73
Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into
the fence to keep from hitting the cow!
Was it a Jersey cow?
I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!
the fence to keep from hitting the cow!
Was it a Jersey cow?
I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Jokes number : 70
Why was he woman arrested on a
cattle ranch
for wearing a silk dress?
She was charged with rustling!
cattle ranch
for wearing a silk dress?
She was charged with rustling!
Jokes number : 65
Why did the farmer put his cow on
the
scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!
the
scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!
Jokes number : 63
Why did the farmer fence in the bull?
The
farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
The
farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Jokes number : 60
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to
leave her
calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!
leave her
calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Jokes number : 46
When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what
does he
put on his head?
Steer phones!
does he
put on his head?
Steer phones!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Jokes number : 25
What is the golden rule for cows?
Do unto
udders as you would have udders do to you!
Do unto
udders as you would have udders do to you!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Jokes number : 22
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the
back
end of the cow?
A tail pail!
back
end of the cow?
A tail pail!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Jokes number : 98
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel,
a poodle, and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlemoo!
a poodle, and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlemoo!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Jokes number : 81
What do you call a group of cattle sent into
orbit?
The first herd shot round the world!
orbit?
The first herd shot round the world!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Jokes number : 73
What do cows sing at their friends birthday
parties?
"Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo
parties?
"Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Jokes number : 64
What did the mooron say when he saw the milk
cartons in the
grass?
"Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"
cartons in the
grass?
"Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"
Friday, February 11, 2011
Jokes number : 53
Teacher: Name five things that contain milk.
Pupil: Butter, cheese, ice cream ... and two cows!
Pupil: Butter, cheese, ice cream ... and two cows!
Jokes number : 52
Pa's being
chased by a bull!
Well, what
in tarnation do you want me to do about it?
Get me some film for my
camera!
chased by a bull!
Well, what
in tarnation do you want me to do about it?
Get me some film for my
camera!
Jokes number : 51
I've just discovered a method for making wool out
of
milk!
But doesn't that make the cow feel a little
sheepish?
of
milk!
But doesn't that make the cow feel a little
sheepish?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Jokes number : 47
If you had a gun and you were being chased by a
bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first?
The
mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull!
bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first?
The
mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull!
Jokes number : 46
If you crossed two cows with a flock of ducks,
what would
you get?
Milk and quackers!
what would
you get?
Milk and quackers!
Jokes number : 43
I hear you take milk baths.
That's right.
Why?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower!
That's right.
Why?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Jokes number : 42
I can't decide whether to buy a
bicycle or a
cow for my farm.
Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?
I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!
bicycle or a
cow for my farm.
Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?
I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Jokes number : 30
Did you hear about the farmer who
lost control
of his tractor in the cow pasture?
No! Did he hurt the cows?
No, he just grazed them!
lost control
of his tractor in the cow pasture?
No! Did he hurt the cows?
No, he just grazed them!
Jokes number : 28
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows
should be milked.
"Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!"
the farmer
answered.
should be milked.
"Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!"
the farmer
answered.
Jokes number : 27
A son is
calling his mom from college, and
telling her that he had just got his
degree. The mother says:
That's great honey! What kind of degree? And the
son, almost squealing
with excitement says: The best one ever, a
Celsius degree!
calling his mom from college, and
telling her that he had just got his
degree. The mother says:
That's great honey! What kind of degree? And the
son, almost squealing
with excitement says: The best one ever, a
Celsius degree!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Jokes number : 26
College meals
are generally unpopular with
those who have to eat them and sometimes
with good reason. "What
kind of pie do you call this?" asked one
student
indignantly.
"What's it taste like?" asked the cook."
"Glue!"
"Then it's apple
pie the plum pie tastes like soap."
are generally unpopular with
those who have to eat them and sometimes
with good reason. "What
kind of pie do you call this?" asked one
student
indignantly.
"What's it taste like?" asked the cook."
"Glue!"
"Then it's apple
pie the plum pie tastes like soap."
Jokes number : 25
"Now my motto in
life," said the school
chaplain, "is work hard, play hard and pray
hard. How about you,
Harriet?"
"My motto is let bygones be bygones."
"That's good. Why
did you choose that?"
"Then I wouldn't have to take any history
classes!"
life," said the school
chaplain, "is work hard, play hard and pray
hard. How about you,
Harriet?"
"My motto is let bygones be bygones."
"That's good. Why
did you choose that?"
"Then I wouldn't have to take any history
classes!"
Jokes number : 24
A college friend was going to meet a young
lady he new.
"An old flame? I asked.
He winked and said, "More like
an unlit match."
lady he new.
"An old flame? I asked.
He winked and said, "More like
an unlit match."
Jokes number : 23
Q: What do college students and deer have in
common?
A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at
your
headlights.
common?
A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at
your
headlights.
Jokes number : 22
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for
all male students, so too
the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody caught breaking this
rule will be fined $20 the first
time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined
$60. Being caught a third time will
incur a hefty fine of $180. Are
there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd
inquires, "Er... How much for a
season pass?"
all male students, so too
the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody caught breaking this
rule will be fined $20 the first
time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined
$60. Being caught a third time will
incur a hefty fine of $180. Are
there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd
inquires, "Er... How much for a
season pass?"
Jokes number : 21
Q: How
many graduate students does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take him/her more
than five years to do
it.
many graduate students does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take him/her more
than five years to do
it.
Jokes number : 20
Q. How many law professors does it take to
change a light
bulb?
A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the
research grant.
change a light
bulb?
A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the
research grant.
Jokes number : 19
Two storks are
sitting in their nest: a
father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is
crying and crying and
father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't
worry, son. Your mother
will come back. She's only bringing people babies
and making them
happy."
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.
Mother and son are
sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and
mother is saying,
"Son, your father will be back as soon as
possible, but now he's
bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."
A
few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son has
been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and
the parents ask him where he's been all night.
The baby
stork says, "No where. Just scaring the hell out of college
students!"
sitting in their nest: a
father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is
crying and crying and
father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't
worry, son. Your mother
will come back. She's only bringing people babies
and making them
happy."
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.
Mother and son are
sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and
mother is saying,
"Son, your father will be back as soon as
possible, but now he's
bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."
A
few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son has
been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and
the parents ask him where he's been all night.
The baby
stork says, "No where. Just scaring the hell out of college
students!"
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Jokes number : 18
A college student in a philosophy class was
taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single
line which simply said: "Is this a
question?" - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an
answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.
A
Boston brokerage house advertised for a "young Harvard graduate or
the
equivalent."
Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale
grad. He said, "Do
you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part
time?"
taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single
line which simply said: "Is this a
question?" - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an
answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.
A
Boston brokerage house advertised for a "young Harvard graduate or
the
equivalent."
Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale
grad. He said, "Do
you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part
time?"
Jokes number : 17
A college student in a philosophy class was
taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single
line which simply said: "Is this a
question?" - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an
answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.
A
Boston brokerage house advertised for a "young Harvard graduate or
the
equivalent."
Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale
grad. He said, "Do
you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part
time?"
taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single
line which simply said: "Is this a
question?" - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an
answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.
A
Boston brokerage house advertised for a "young Harvard graduate or
the
equivalent."
Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale
grad. He said, "Do
you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part
time?"
Jokes number : 15
A somewhat advanced society has figured
how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some
learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills
are
available.
The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for
English literature."
The student takes the pill and swallows it and
has new knowledge about
English literature!
"What else do
you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history,
biology, and world history,"
replies the pharmacist.
The
student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge
about
those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for
math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment." He goes back into
the
storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on
the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires
the student.
The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know ... mat
h always was a little
hard to swallow."
how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some
learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills
are
available.
The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for
English literature."
The student takes the pill and swallows it and
has new knowledge about
English literature!
"What else do
you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history,
biology, and world history,"
replies the pharmacist.
The
student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge
about
those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for
math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment." He goes back into
the
storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on
the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires
the student.
The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know ... mat
h always was a little
hard to swallow."
Jokes number : 14
A college student was in a
philosophy
class which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor
presented the following logic:
"Has anyone in this class heard God?"
Nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again,
nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class seen God?" When nobody
spoke for the third
time, he simply stated, "Then there is no
God."
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to
reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor
granted
it, and the student stood up and asked the following
questions of his
classmates:
"Has anyone in this class heard our
professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class touched
our professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class seen
our professor's brain?"
When nobody in the class dared to
speak, the student concluded, "Then,
according to our professor'
s logic, it must be true that our professor
has no
brain!"
You can't argue with that!
philosophy
class which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor
presented the following logic:
"Has anyone in this class heard God?"
Nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again,
nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class seen God?" When nobody
spoke for the third
time, he simply stated, "Then there is no
God."
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to
reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor
granted
it, and the student stood up and asked the following
questions of his
classmates:
"Has anyone in this class heard our
professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class touched
our professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class seen
our professor's brain?"
When nobody in the class dared to
speak, the student concluded, "Then,
according to our professor'
s logic, it must be true that our professor
has no
brain!"
You can't argue with that!
Jokes number : 13
Wouldn't it be nice to tell the Dean of your
college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well, if you like your
Dean
as much as I like my Dean, then you'd better keep your mouth
shut. I
knew I'd get kicked out of the college if I expressed my
true feelings,
so I remained silent for the last four
years.
But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the
Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a
ribbon).
Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch
what I REALLY
thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I
looked her
straight in the eye.
"Hey Bitch," I said.
"You're so damn ugly, you could practice birth
control just by leaving
the lights on!"
And then I walked off the stage, and went home. I
gotta tell you that
it felt just as good as I had imagined it would
for the last four years.
Today, I unwrapped my diploma, fr
amed it, and hung it in the living
room, where it proudly exclaims
to the world: "In order to receive your
diploma, please present
this certificate to the Dean of your college
after final grades have
been posted!"
college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well, if you like your
Dean
as much as I like my Dean, then you'd better keep your mouth
shut. I
knew I'd get kicked out of the college if I expressed my
true feelings,
so I remained silent for the last four
years.
But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the
Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a
ribbon).
Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch
what I REALLY
thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I
looked her
straight in the eye.
"Hey Bitch," I said.
"You're so damn ugly, you could practice birth
control just by leaving
the lights on!"
And then I walked off the stage, and went home. I
gotta tell you that
it felt just as good as I had imagined it would
for the last four years.
Today, I unwrapped my diploma, fr
amed it, and hung it in the living
room, where it proudly exclaims
to the world: "In order to receive your
diploma, please present
this certificate to the Dean of your college
after final grades have
been posted!"
Jokes number : 12
A kid called up his
mom from his college
and asked her for some money, because he ran out
of it. His mom
said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll will send you some money.
You also left
your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do
you want me
to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, okay," responded the
kid.
So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package
and
went to the post office to mail the money and the
book.
When she gets back, her husband asked, "Well how much did you give the
boy his time?"
She said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20
and the other for $1000
out to him."
"That's $1020!" yelled
her husband. Are you crazy?"
"Don't worry, Hon," she said. "I
taped the $20 check to the cover
of his book, but I put the $1000
one somewhere between the pages in
chapter 19!"
mom from his college
and asked her for some money, because he ran out
of it. His mom
said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll will send you some money.
You also left
your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do
you want me
to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, okay," responded the
kid.
So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package
and
went to the post office to mail the money and the
book.
When she gets back, her husband asked, "Well how much did you give the
boy his time?"
She said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20
and the other for $1000
out to him."
"That's $1020!" yelled
her husband. Are you crazy?"
"Don't worry, Hon," she said. "I
taped the $20 check to the cover
of his book, but I put the $1000
one somewhere between the pages in
chapter 19!"
Jokes number : 11
After the college boy delivered
the pizza
to Bud's trailer house, Bud asked, "What is the usual
tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the
other
guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing
great."
"Is that so?" snorted Bud. "Well, just to show them how wrong they
are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll
put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying?" asked
Bud.
The lad smiled and said, "Applied psychology."
the pizza
to Bud's trailer house, Bud asked, "What is the usual
tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the
other
guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing
great."
"Is that so?" snorted Bud. "Well, just to show them how wrong they
are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll
put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying?" asked
Bud.
The lad smiled and said, "Applied psychology."
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Jokes number : 10
Two
college students, Frank and Matt, are
riding on a New York City subway when
a beggar approaches them
asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in
disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a
couples of
singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a
smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the
other
passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of
generosity.
"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank.
"You know he's
only going to use it on drugs or booze."
Matt replies, "And we weren't?"
college students, Frank and Matt, are
riding on a New York City subway when
a beggar approaches them
asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in
disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a
couples of
singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a
smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the
other
passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of
generosity.
"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank.
"You know he's
only going to use it on drugs or booze."
Matt replies, "And we weren't?"
Jokes number : 9
An angel appears at a faculty
meeting and
tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and
exemplary
behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite
wealth,
wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite
wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of
smoke and a bolt
of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the
dean, who sits surrounded by a faint
halo of light. At length, one
of his colleagues whispers, "Say
something."
The dean sighs
and says, "I should have taken the money."
meeting and
tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and
exemplary
behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite
wealth,
wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite
wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of
smoke and a bolt
of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the
dean, who sits surrounded by a faint
halo of light. At length, one
of his colleagues whispers, "Say
something."
The dean sighs
and says, "I should have taken the money."
Jokes number : 8
What do you get if you cross a student and an
alien ?
Something from another universe -ity !
alien ?
Something from another universe -ity !
Jokes number : 7
What's the difference between an American
student and
an English student ?
About 3000 miles !
student and
an English student ?
About 3000 miles !
Jokes number : 5
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his
English
class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative
forms a
positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double
negative is
still a negative. However, there is no language wherein
a double positive
can form a negative." A voice from the back of
the room piped up,
"Yeah, right."
English
class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative
forms a
positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double
negative is
still a negative. However, there is no language wherein
a double positive
can form a negative." A voice from the back of
the room piped up,
"Yeah, right."
Jokes number : 4
All the fraternity brothers left the
house
for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and
get some studying done.
One night Grady heard a noise under
his bed.
Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and
whispered, "Anybody
there?"
"No," said the burglar.
"That's funny," the boy said to himself. "I could have sworn I
heard a
noise!"
house
for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and
get some studying done.
One night Grady heard a noise under
his bed.
Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and
whispered, "Anybody
there?"
"No," said the burglar.
"That's funny," the boy said to himself. "I could have sworn I
heard a
noise!"
Jokes number : 3
Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house
phone.
"Hi," said the voice, "this is Rollie. Come on over,
we're having a
real wildass party."
"Shit, Ah'd shore love
to," said Tad, "but Ah got me a bad case of
gonorrhea."
"Bring it along!" answered Rollie. "The way thangs is goin', mah
buddies'll drink anythin'!"
phone.
"Hi," said the voice, "this is Rollie. Come on over,
we're having a
real wildass party."
"Shit, Ah'd shore love
to," said Tad, "but Ah got me a bad case of
gonorrhea."
"Bring it along!" answered Rollie. "The way thangs is goin', mah
buddies'll drink anythin'!"
Friday, February 4, 2011
Jokes number : 2
Soderling, the star college halfback, was
taking a math exam.
The coach desperately needed him to play in
the Syracuse game on
Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him
an oral exam.
"All right," said the prof. "How many degrees are
there in a
circle?"
"Uh, depends," said the boy. "How big
is that there circle?"
taking a math exam.
The coach desperately needed him to play in
the Syracuse game on
Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him
an oral exam.
"All right," said the prof. "How many degrees are
there in a
circle?"
"Uh, depends," said the boy. "How big
is that there circle?"
Jokes number : 1
A
Mississippi professor was at a party and
became indignant when asked if
college professors were
absent-minded.
"Professors haven't got bad memories," he declared.
"They're not
absent-minded. Don't you think I know where I am right now,
and don't
you think tomorrow I'll know where I was last night?
Would somebody
like to ask me another question?"
"Yes," said
another guest. "Is it true that professors are
absent-minded and
have bad memories?"
"Good!" said the professor. "I knew sooner or
later somebody would
ask me that question."
Mississippi professor was at a party and
became indignant when asked if
college professors were
absent-minded.
"Professors haven't got bad memories," he declared.
"They're not
absent-minded. Don't you think I know where I am right now,
and don't
you think tomorrow I'll know where I was last night?
Would somebody
like to ask me another question?"
"Yes," said
another guest. "Is it true that professors are
absent-minded and
have bad memories?"
"Good!" said the professor. "I knew sooner or
later somebody would
ask me that question."
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