Q: Who would become President of the U.S.A if
the President died?
A: Bill Clinton of course!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Jokes number : 8
Q: Did you know that Clinton's cat
can
play Chess?
A: Inside Information: The cat isn't really all that good
at Chess.
The last time they played best of five, Clinton won three
games to
two.
can
play Chess?
A: Inside Information: The cat isn't really all that good
at Chess.
The last time they played best of five, Clinton won three
games to
two.
Jokes number : 7
Q: Did you
hear they put two new faces on
Mt. Rushmore?
A: Yeah, they were Bill Clinton.
hear they put two new faces on
Mt. Rushmore?
A: Yeah, they were Bill Clinton.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Jokes number : 6
Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton
alike?
A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on
grass.
alike?
A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on
grass.
Jokes number : 4
Clinton goes around telling people we humans
are genetically 99.9% similar.
Apparently the 0.1% is the
character gene.
are genetically 99.9% similar.
Apparently the 0.1% is the
character gene.
Jokes number : 3
Q: If called to
testify in a trial how
long will it before before Clinton commits
perjury?
A: When he's
sworn in.
testify in a trial how
long will it before before Clinton commits
perjury?
A: When he's
sworn in.
Jokes number : 2
Q: Why can't Bill Clinton file a defamation
of character suit against his critics?
A: Because Bill Clinton
has no character to defame.
of character suit against his critics?
A: Because Bill Clinton
has no character to defame.
Jokes number : 100
Q:
Why is Chelsea Clinton a miracle
child?
A: Because lawyers use their personalities for birth control.
Why is Chelsea Clinton a miracle
child?
A: Because lawyers use their personalities for birth control.
Jokes number : 99
Q: What famouse Arkansas State Supreme Court
decision is Hilary Clinton famous for?
A: If you divorce your
wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin?
decision is Hilary Clinton famous for?
A: If you divorce your
wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Jokes number : 98
Q: Bill, Hillary, and Al are in a boat. The
boat sinks.
Who is saved?
A: The United States of America.
boat sinks.
Who is saved?
A: The United States of America.
Jokes number : 97
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked
lawyer with a
crooked politician?
A: Chelsea.
lawyer with a
crooked politician?
A: Chelsea.
Jokes number : 96
Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site
for his summit with
Yeltsin?
A: So he could look up some college
buddies who moved up there during
the war.
for his summit with
Yeltsin?
A: So he could look up some college
buddies who moved up there during
the war.
Jokes number : 95
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton
and Jimmy Carter?
A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the
inauguration to break his
promises.
and Jimmy Carter?
A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the
inauguration to break his
promises.
Jokes number : 94
Q: What's the best place to photograph
Clinton
Administration officials?
A: A police lineup.
Clinton
Administration officials?
A: A police lineup.
Jokes number : 93
Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters
does
Hillary most resemble?
A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.
does
Hillary most resemble?
A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Jokes number : 90
Q: What's the difference
between Bill
Clinton and Joseph Stalin?
A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired
him.
between Bill
Clinton and Joseph Stalin?
A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired
him.
Jokes number : 89
Q: How many Clinton White House officials does
it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They like to keep him in
the dark!
it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They like to keep him in
the dark!
Jokes number : 87
Q: What is Clinton's plan to create thousands
of small businesses?
A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait
four years.
of small businesses?
A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait
four years.
Jokes number : 86
Q:
How many Clinton administration
officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: Two--one to screw
the bulb into the water faucet while the other
tells us that
everything possible is being done to help the
situation.
How many Clinton administration
officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: Two--one to screw
the bulb into the water faucet while the other
tells us that
everything possible is being done to help the
situation.
Jokes number : 85
Q: Why does the secret
service guard
Hillary so closely?
A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes
President!
service guard
Hillary so closely?
A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes
President!
Jokes number : 84
Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new
car to commemorate President Clinton's election?
A: It's gonna
be called the Dodge Drafter!
car to commemorate President Clinton's election?
A: It's gonna
be called the Dodge Drafter!
Jokes number : 83
Q: What
happened when Bill Clinton got a
shot of testosterone?
A: He turned into Hillary!
happened when Bill Clinton got a
shot of testosterone?
A: He turned into Hillary!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Jokes number : 82
Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in
common?
A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.
common?
A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.
Jokes number : 81
Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a
private
school?
A: If they sent her to a public school, the
secret service would be
out-gunned!
private
school?
A: If they sent her to a public school, the
secret service would be
out-gunned!
Jokes number : 79
Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds
from improving schools to improving jails?
A: Because when his
term is through, he won't be going to school.
from improving schools to improving jails?
A: Because when his
term is through, he won't be going to school.
Jokes number : 78
Q: If Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Al
Gore, and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be
saved?
A: The United States of America!
Gore, and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be
saved?
A: The United States of America!
Jokes number : 76
Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped
together off
the Washington monument, who'd land first?
A: Who cares!
together off
the Washington monument, who'd land first?
A: Who cares!
Jokes number : 75
Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called
positively
atheist?
A: Because it hasn't got a prayer.
positively
atheist?
A: Because it hasn't got a prayer.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Jokes number : 74
Q: Why is Bill Clinton called "middle of the
road Democrat"?
A: Because he's got a wide yellow stripe down
the middle of his
two-lane back.
road Democrat"?
A: Because he's got a wide yellow stripe down
the middle of his
two-lane back.
Jokes number : 73
Q: Did you hear that the Clinton's had Air
Force 1 remodeled?
A: Now it's got two left wings.
Force 1 remodeled?
A: Now it's got two left wings.
Jokes number : 72
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary
sneaked off
to visit a
fortune teller of some local repute. In a
dark and hazy room,
peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered
grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be
blunt: Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a
violent and
horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary
stared at the woman's lined face, then at
the single flickering candle,
then down at her hands. She took a
few deep breaths to compose
herself. She simply had to know. She
met the fortune teller's gaze,
steadied her voice, and asked her
question:
"Will I be
acquitted?"
sneaked off
to visit a
fortune teller of some local repute. In a
dark and hazy room,
peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered
grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be
blunt: Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a
violent and
horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary
stared at the woman's lined face, then at
the single flickering candle,
then down at her hands. She took a
few deep breaths to compose
herself. She simply had to know. She
met the fortune teller's gaze,
steadied her voice, and asked her
question:
"Will I be
acquitted?"
Jokes number : 70
Q: How can you tell when Clinton is
ready
for battle [in Bosnia]?
A: He's got his jogging suit on.
ready
for battle [in Bosnia]?
A: He's got his jogging suit on.
Jokes number : 68
Q: What do Bill Clinton
and a fifteen-watt
light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.
and a fifteen-watt
light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.
Jokes number : 67
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is
telling a lie by
looking at his face?
A: If his lips are moving, then
he's lying.
telling a lie by
looking at his face?
A: If his lips are moving, then
he's lying.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Jokes number : 66
Q: How can you tell
when Bill Clinton is
lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the
answer to this
one.
when Bill Clinton is
lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the
answer to this
one.
Jokes number : 65
Q:
How did Bill and Hillary Clinton
meet?
A: They were dating the same girl in high school.
How did Bill and Hillary Clinton
meet?
A: They were dating the same girl in high school.
Jokes number : 64
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner
for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and
askes Clinton,
"Are you ready to order?"
Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd
like a quickie."
"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given
the current
situation of your personal life I don't think that is a
good idea.
I'll come back when you are ready to order from the
menu."
She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's
pronounced Quiche."
for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and
askes Clinton,
"Are you ready to order?"
Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd
like a quickie."
"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given
the current
situation of your personal life I don't think that is a
good idea.
I'll come back when you are ready to order from the
menu."
She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's
pronounced Quiche."
Jokes number : 63
Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill
Clinton wishes he did?
A: A dead girlfriend.
Clinton wishes he did?
A: A dead girlfriend.
Jokes number : 62
Q: What were Bill and
Chelsea Clinton
doing in the voting booth?
A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in
Civics, how to ruin the
people!
Chelsea Clinton
doing in the voting booth?
A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in
Civics, how to ruin the
people!
Jokes number : 61
Q: Why are people in Arkansas
having
peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: They've been
having turkey for years.
having
peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: They've been
having turkey for years.
Jokes number : 60
Q: Why are people in
Arkansas having
peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Reagan ate all the
jellybeans.
Arkansas having
peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Reagan ate all the
jellybeans.
Jokes number : 59
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut
butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Because they
can't afford any more pork.
butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Because they
can't afford any more pork.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Jokes number : 58
Q: Why
are people in Arkansas having
peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving
this year?
A: Because
they're sending their turkey to the White House!
are people in Arkansas having
peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving
this year?
A: Because
they're sending their turkey to the White House!
Jokes number : 57
Q: How many Bill Clintons
does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A: He doesn't! He whines a while, says "I feel
your pain", and gets
congress to pass a billion dollar light
security bill, and blames
Republicans and special interests for not
making lightbulbs free.
does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A: He doesn't! He whines a while, says "I feel
your pain", and gets
congress to pass a billion dollar light
security bill, and blames
Republicans and special interests for not
making lightbulbs free.
Jokes number : 56
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to
change
a lightbulb?
A: None--He'll only promise "change."
change
a lightbulb?
A: None--He'll only promise "change."
Jokes number : 55
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A: Two--One to promise he'll do it better than
anyone else and one to
obscure the issues.
change a lightbulb?
A: Two--One to promise he'll do it better than
anyone else and one to
obscure the issues.
Jokes number : 54
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch
of dead bodies?
A: He's the stiff one.
of dead bodies?
A: He's the stiff one.
Jokes number : 53
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they
were looking out their front
window?
"Looks like rein dear"
were looking out their front
window?
"Looks like rein dear"
Jokes number : 52
Why is
Christmas just like a day at the
office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all
the
credit.
Christmas just like a day at the
office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all
the
credit.
Jokes number : 51
Why does Santa Claus only have seven
reindeer?
Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in Beverly
Hills.
reindeer?
Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in Beverly
Hills.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Jokes number : 50
Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer
now
works for Proctor and Gamble?
Its true....Comet cleans
sinks!
now
works for Proctor and Gamble?
Its true....Comet cleans
sinks!
Jokes number : 43
It was Christmas
eve, and Santa was
really busy making his list and checking it twice, when
there came a
knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do
you want me to
put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and
so he's
slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her,
"Put
them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get
some work done."
He starts back to work, but a few minutes later
an elf barges in.
"Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should
we do with them?" Santa
snaps, "Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't
you see I'm trying to get
ready? I don't want any more
interruptions!"
But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there
is another
interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says,
"Santa, I have your
Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?"
And this is where we get the tradition of placing an ange
l on top of
the Christmas tree.
eve, and Santa was
really busy making his list and checking it twice, when
there came a
knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do
you want me to
put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and
so he's
slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her,
"Put
them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get
some work done."
He starts back to work, but a few minutes later
an elf barges in.
"Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should
we do with them?" Santa
snaps, "Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't
you see I'm trying to get
ready? I don't want any more
interruptions!"
But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there
is another
interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says,
"Santa, I have your
Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?"
And this is where we get the tradition of placing an ange
l on top of
the Christmas tree.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Jokes number : 42
Once upon a time there was a little girl who
wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten
and
parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before
Christmas
and gave it to the little girl.
'You're getting
your Christmas present a week early this year,' her
mother
explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten.
'Is that what
you want?'
The little girl said, 'It's wonderful,
mother...just what I wanted.
There's just one thing wrong!'
'What's that?' her mother asked.
'Well, it has a cute little claw
on the outside of every paw and
another little claw on the inside
of every paw - but the poor little thing
has no claws at all in the
middle of its paws!'
Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty.
When you wake up on Christmas
morning you'll find the claws are
there.'
Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie
d about the claws in
the middle of its paws. The days passed and
there wasn't even a hint, a
clue or an inkling of claws in the
middle of its paws.
When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still
no sign, Kitty went to
her mother and asked again, 'Are you
absolutely sure that the kitten
will have its middle claws tomorrow?
There's only a few hours to go and
there's not a hint or clue or an
inkling as to claws as far as I can
see.'
'Wait till you
wake up on Christmas morning,' her mother smiled and
went on
stuffing the turkey.
So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. When she
woke up on Christmas
morning she ignored the presents in her
stocking and rushed downstairs to
look at her little kitten.
She
was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her
kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle ones had appeared as if
by magic.
Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom. 'Mummy
, Mummy! The kitten has
grown its middle claws!'
'Of
course it has,' her mother grinned.
'But how did you know?'
Kitty demanded.
Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh,
Kitty, everybody
knows that Centre-claws always comes at
Christmas!'
wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten
and
parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before
Christmas
and gave it to the little girl.
'You're getting
your Christmas present a week early this year,' her
mother
explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten.
'Is that what
you want?'
The little girl said, 'It's wonderful,
mother...just what I wanted.
There's just one thing wrong!'
'What's that?' her mother asked.
'Well, it has a cute little claw
on the outside of every paw and
another little claw on the inside
of every paw - but the poor little thing
has no claws at all in the
middle of its paws!'
Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty.
When you wake up on Christmas
morning you'll find the claws are
there.'
Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie
d about the claws in
the middle of its paws. The days passed and
there wasn't even a hint, a
clue or an inkling of claws in the
middle of its paws.
When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still
no sign, Kitty went to
her mother and asked again, 'Are you
absolutely sure that the kitten
will have its middle claws tomorrow?
There's only a few hours to go and
there's not a hint or clue or an
inkling as to claws as far as I can
see.'
'Wait till you
wake up on Christmas morning,' her mother smiled and
went on
stuffing the turkey.
So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. When she
woke up on Christmas
morning she ignored the presents in her
stocking and rushed downstairs to
look at her little kitten.
She
was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her
kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle ones had appeared as if
by magic.
Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom. 'Mummy
, Mummy! The kitten has
grown its middle claws!'
'Of
course it has,' her mother grinned.
'But how did you know?'
Kitty demanded.
Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh,
Kitty, everybody
knows that Centre-claws always comes at
Christmas!'
Jokes number : 41
What was so good about he
neurotic doll
the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up already.
neurotic doll
the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up already.
Jokes number : 40
What was wrong with the boy's
brand new
toy electric train set he
received for Christmas?
Forty feet of
track - all straight!
brand new
toy electric train set he
received for Christmas?
Forty feet of
track - all straight!
Jokes number : 39
What is the difference between the Christmas
alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has
NO EL.
alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has
NO EL.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Jokes number : 31
ELF NO. 1: What did
Santa shout to his
toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!
Santa shout to his
toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!
Jokes number : 30
JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa
Claus?
MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.
Claus?
MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.
Jokes number : 28
Why does Santa's sled get such good
mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.
mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.
Jokes number : 27
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child,
what would
he be called?
A subordinate claus.
what would
he be called?
A subordinate claus.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Jokes number : 25
ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my
pencil! What
should I do?
SANTA: Use a pen.
pencil! What
should I do?
SANTA: Use a pen.
Jokes number : 23
Last year's Christmas pudding was so
awful I threw it in the ocean.
That's probably why the ocean's full
of currants!
awful I threw it in the ocean.
That's probably why the ocean's full
of currants!
Jokes number : 22
Who made this Christmas pudding?
Our
chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool.
What did he use
to make it?
Elf-raising flour, of course.
Our
chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool.
What did he use
to make it?
Elf-raising flour, of course.
Jokes number : 21
Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us
oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an
orange!
Have you tried playing squash?
oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an
orange!
Have you tried playing squash?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Jokes number : 18
I've had a slight
accident with your
sleigh, Father Christmas!
Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in
mint condition!
That's all right....now it's a mint with a
hole!
accident with your
sleigh, Father Christmas!
Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in
mint condition!
That's all right....now it's a mint with a
hole!
Jokes number : 17
Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to
go out there and clear the snow!
I'm on my way, Father
Christmas.
Father Christmas: But you only have one welly on!
That's all
right! There's only one foot of snow!
go out there and clear the snow!
I'm on my way, Father
Christmas.
Father Christmas: But you only have one welly on!
That's all
right! There's only one foot of snow!
Jokes number : 16
A group of mountain
climbers once heard
Father Christmas go past.
They must have had sharp ears!
They
were mountain-ears!
climbers once heard
Father Christmas go past.
They must have had sharp ears!
They
were mountain-ears!
Jokes number : 15
I remember when Father Christmas first
passed his
sleigh-driving test. He came skidding down in front of the
toy factory.'Have
you passed?' I asked.
Father Christmas pointly
proudly to the front of the sleigh. 'See for
yourself!' he called
proudly. 'No-el plates!'
passed his
sleigh-driving test. He came skidding down in front of the
toy factory.'Have
you passed?' I asked.
Father Christmas pointly
proudly to the front of the sleigh. 'See for
yourself!' he called
proudly. 'No-el plates!'
Jokes number : 13
One time Father Christmas lost his
underpants.
That's how he got the name Saint Knickerless!
underpants.
That's how he got the name Saint Knickerless!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Jokes number : 8
Dear Father Christmas, could you please
send me some Crocodile shoes!.
Father Christmas: Can't do that one.
He hasn't said what size his
crocodile takes!
send me some Crocodile shoes!.
Father Christmas: Can't do that one.
He hasn't said what size his
crocodile takes!
Jokes number : 7
Dear Father
Christmas, this Christmas
could you please send me a yellow door.
Yours, Sherlock
Holmes
Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes?
Lemon-entry my dear
watson.
Christmas, this Christmas
could you please send me a yellow door.
Yours, Sherlock
Holmes
Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes?
Lemon-entry my dear
watson.
Jokes number : 6
'Father
Christmas has two reindeer. He
calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I
bet you can't tell me
why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because
tow 'Eds are better than one, of course!'
Christmas has two reindeer. He
calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I
bet you can't tell me
why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because
tow 'Eds are better than one, of course!'
Jokes number : 5
'Father Christmas has two
reindeer. He
calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell
me
why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because
tow 'Eds are better than one, of course!'
reindeer. He
calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell
me
why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because
tow 'Eds are better than one, of course!'
Jokes number : 3
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the
beach ?
Because he didn't want to be recognised !
beach ?
Because he didn't want to be recognised !
Monday, January 10, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Jokes number : 52
What's Father Christmas
called when he
takes a rest while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !
called when he
takes a rest while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !
Jokes number : 50
Why does Father Christmas like to work in
the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
Jokes number : 48
Father Christmas win a saucepan in a
competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck !
competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck !
Monday, January 3, 2011
Jokes number : 46
Can I have a broken drum for
Christmas?
The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat it!
Christmas?
The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat it!
Jokes number : 43
A
schoolteacher was trying to teach her
six-year old class students how
to say the pledge of allegiance to
the flag. The schoolteacher said,
O.K. children begin by putting
your hand over your little heart and repeat
with me, I pledge
allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is
your hand over your butt
cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I
can't. Teacher asks,
why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to
pick me up and
pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!
schoolteacher was trying to teach her
six-year old class students how
to say the pledge of allegiance to
the flag. The schoolteacher said,
O.K. children begin by putting
your hand over your little heart and repeat
with me, I pledge
allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is
your hand over your butt
cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I
can't. Teacher asks,
why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to
pick me up and
pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!
Jokes number : 42
Little
Johnny's class were on an outing
to their local police station where
they saw pictures, of the ten
most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin
board. On the way out of the
police station Little Johnny said to the
officer, "it was so nice of
you to put my daddy's picture up there."
Johnny's class were on an outing
to their local police station where
they saw pictures, of the ten
most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin
board. On the way out of the
police station Little Johnny said to the
officer, "it was so nice of
you to put my daddy's picture up there."
Jokes number : 41
After the baby was baptized,
her
four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of
the car.
"What's the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother.
Johnny
replied: "that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a
good Christian home...I just want her to stay with you guys."
her
four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of
the car.
"What's the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother.
Johnny
replied: "that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a
good Christian home...I just want her to stay with you guys."
Jokes number : 40
A whole family was caught in
a small boat
during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed
to
safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.
"I
always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five
year
old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.
"I like
to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember
that God
is in His heaven watching over us."
"Oh, I wasn't talking
about THAT God," the five year old
interrupted. "I was talking about
the COAST God."
a small boat
during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed
to
safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.
"I
always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five
year
old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.
"I like
to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember
that God
is in His heaven watching over us."
"Oh, I wasn't talking
about THAT God," the five year old
interrupted. "I was talking about
the COAST God."
Jokes number : 39
Son to his father as they watch television:
"Dad, tell me again how when you were a kid you had to walk all the
way
across the room to change the channel."
"Dad, tell me again how when you were a kid you had to walk all the
way
across the room to change the channel."
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Jokes number : 38
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some
grass but you've only
drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all
the grass !
grass but you've only
drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all
the grass !
Jokes number : 37
Mum: From now on your going to have free
school dinners.
Son:But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is
more than
enough !
school dinners.
Son:But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is
more than
enough !
Jokes number : 36
Mother:
Let me see your report
son.
Son: Here it is, Mother, but don't show it to Dad. He's been helping
me !
Let me see your report
son.
Son: Here it is, Mother, but don't show it to Dad. He's been helping
me !
Jokes number : 35
Father: You've
got 4 D's and a C on
your report.
Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject
!"
got 4 D's and a C on
your report.
Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject
!"
Jokes number : 34
Father: What did you learn in school today
?
Son: That three and three are seven.
Father: Three and three are
six !
Son: I guess I didn't learn anything today then !
?
Son: That three and three are seven.
Father: Three and three are
six !
Son: I guess I didn't learn anything today then !
Jokes number : 33
A father is asked by his
friend, "Has
your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he
wants to be a garbage collector," he replies
To this his friend
responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well, he
thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
friend, "Has
your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he
wants to be a garbage collector," he replies
To this his friend
responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well, he
thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
Jokes number : 32
A sweet little boy
surprised his
grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He
made it himself
and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the
verdict on the
quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life
had such
a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she
noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the
cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the
bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's
like on TV, 'The best
part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."
surprised his
grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He
made it himself
and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the
verdict on the
quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life
had such
a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she
noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the
cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the
bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's
like on TV, 'The best
part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."
Jokes number : 31
My granddaughter came to spend a few
weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through
a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped
back,
put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you
can do
all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"
weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through
a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped
back,
put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you
can do
all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Jokes number : 30
Andy was away from school for 2 days because
he
had a flu. On the third day when he went back to school, his
teacher
told him how he felt.
I feel with my hands Miss !
he
had a flu. On the third day when he went back to school, his
teacher
told him how he felt.
I feel with my hands Miss !
Jokes number : 28
Why did the nutty kid throw butter out
of
the window?
He wanted to see a butterfly.
of
the window?
He wanted to see a butterfly.
Jokes number : 27
Why did the
nutty kid throw a glass of
water out of the window?
He wanted to see a waterfall.
nutty kid throw a glass of
water out of the window?
He wanted to see a waterfall.
Jokes number : 26
Teacher: "Why do we have a
Thanksgiving
holiday?"
Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"
Thanksgiving
holiday?"
Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"
Jokes number : 25
Grandma: You've left all your
crusts,
Mary. When I was your age I ate every one.
Mary: Do you still like
crusts, Grandma?
Grandma: Yes, I do.
Mary: Well, you can have
mine.
crusts,
Mary. When I was your age I ate every one.
Mary: Do you still like
crusts, Grandma?
Grandma: Yes, I do.
Mary: Well, you can have
mine.
Jokes number : 24
Jennifer: Are you coming to my party
?
Sandra: No, I ain't.
Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not
ain't. It's I am not
coming, he is not coming, she is not coming,
they are not coming.
Sandra: Blimey, ain't nobody coming ?
?
Sandra: No, I ain't.
Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not
ain't. It's I am not
coming, he is not coming, she is not coming,
they are not coming.
Sandra: Blimey, ain't nobody coming ?
Jokes number : 23
The second grader was in bed with a cold and
high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to
know.
'One hundred and three,' said the doctor.
'What is the world
record?'
high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to
know.
'One hundred and three,' said the doctor.
'What is the world
record?'
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